an argument against sobriety

one time i gave up drinking for three months.

in the shitler household we refer to those months as the "dark ages."

when not drinking it's insane how boring actual life is.  like you're extremely more soberly aware that none of the laundry is done, those dishes are starting to stink, and that dog hair you haven't vacuumed up in two weeks has taken on a tumble-weed like form and you catch yourself humming old western music as they skitter across the kitchen floor.  the worst part about not drinking is that, while you still don't have any motivation to do anything worthwhile, you find that you care much more about all the things that you're not doing then you did when you were drunk and/or hungover.  but the point is that while i was tragically sober i just became wildly obsessed with doing the most pointless of things (much to shitler's chagrin).  

case in point: finger puppets.

then things got a bit more edgy.

so basically they went everywhere with me.  out to meals.  they hung out with shitler.  came to work.

so the moral of the story is don't stop drinking.

ever.

p.s. i'm not even remotely creative enough to come up with any of those patterns on my own.  so it was pinterest to the rescue and this crafty lady.

      

Let The Cocks Abound.

first things first.
i've decided to start working with one ear bud in and my music blasting.  it's been the only thing to keep me sane all day and drowns out most of what i can't handle hearing on a daily basis (which is everything).
secondly, i've thought about work related things about 1% today.  the other 99% has been about the only thing that matters for the next four weeks.  MARCH MOTHERFUCKING MADNESS.  seriously.  i can't wait to get the fuck out of work and go to the bar to watch the games.  it will be grand.
in the meantime - the bloggess, bless her kind soul, posted this gem today so i've been printing, laminating, and creating puppets for the majority of my day.
it's all fun and games until someone gets a cock in their cube:

also - i haven't made a puppet yet.  i have the means.  but that entails eating dilly bars from dq and i'm so full i could puke from the chicken salad sandwich i horked down for lunch.  so instead, i've been peer pressuring my co-workers into eating them and then stealing the popsicle sticks for my own selfish purposes.

and when i went to investigate the dilly bar situation i forgot i bought this yesterday at 7AM:

 

soon my little cock friends...very soon you will have dirty popsicle sticks shoved where i imagine your butthold would be:

Photo Challenge Motherfuckers.

now that i'm not drinking because of this damn diet i've found that i'm not only more productive but i'm apt to actually follow through on things that i say i'm going to do. 
shocking.  i know.
a lady on flickr posted a photo challenge for 2K12 and i've accepted said challenge.  but only the weekly one.  because the daily one is far too much work.
week one theme: NEW

new habits, new lifestyle, new hobbies, new awesome fucking pincushion snap bracelet.
same attitude though.
also, i'm obsessed with making pillowcases. 

and for the record.  it's been 63 days.  63 days without a drop of alcohol.
i really miss vodka. 
p.s.  happy fucking new year.

Martha Motherfucking Stewart

i've been sewing. 

and i'm happy to report that i still have all of my fingers and they haven't been sewn together.  so in my opinion - even if i didn't have anything to show for my endeavors - i'm still winning.

so here's my baby. 
i haven't named her yet.  i'm taking suggestions.

[caption id="attachment_788" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="she's so damn good looking."][/caption]

i've been to joann fabrics two, too many times and spent far too much money. 
it may or may not be my new favorite place.

[caption id="attachment_789" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="some of my haul."][/caption]

here are my first two projects.  they took me forever.  mainly because i'm terrible at re-threading the machine and have to have lincoln do it for me. 
he gets real annoyed. 

[caption id="attachment_792" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="here's a placemat i'll never use. but it's cute."][/caption]

 

 

[caption id="attachment_796" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="a seat cushion for my ass. because that chair is damn uncomfortable."][/caption]

 

i've been mildly successful.  and i like that.

i've got a lot on my list of things to make.

curtains.

potholders.

pillowcases.

more placemats.

weird things for the cat to wear.

 

the opportunities are endless.  well.  there is a limit.  because i'm not good and my projects still tend to look like shit.