coffee talk installment 18

it's coffee talking time with natalie at 23seventeen.
fun fact: i haven't had coffee since last thursday and i kind of want to die.
but oh well.
so answer the questions and then link your shit up.

1. compile your best music mix tape:
side 1
1. two princes - spin doctors
2. crazy rap (colt 45 ) - afroman
3. the wind - cat stevens
4. crescendolls - daft punk
5. i touch myself - divinyls 
6. kashmir - led zeppelin
7. i just wanna love you - jay z
8. thorn of crowns - echo & the bunnymen

side 2
1. a case of you - joni mitchell
2. hold on - wilson phillips
3. blackbird - the beatles
4. when they come for me - linkin park
5. i want you - savage garden
6. gold dust woman - fleetwood mac
7. you oughta know - alanis morissette
8. halloween - dave matthews band

2. biggie or 2pac?
can i just not care?  because i don't.
i enjoy rapping along to both like a goddamn freak.
so i would have to say that i'm an equal opportunity rap enthusiast.

3. what's the best music video ever made?
the video is just so supremely creepy and awkward.  i can't get enough.

4. put together your best outfit of your favorite singer/band
ok, so i love the shit out of dave matthews band.
like probably to the point that it's unhealthy.
and instead of putting together his outfit - because let's be honest it's jeans and a button-down -
i put together what i would wear to the show.
you know - when i'm ghost-faced wasted at alpine valley swaying back and forth 
like a damn hippie.

favorite band style by rynders featuring an oversized beanie

5. what music is your guilty pleasure?
all house music.  i just can't help it.  i could rage to some daft punk at any point in time.
for instance - one time my friend bowser and i finished getting drunk at a brewers game
in the parking lot of miller park and busted out a tiny stereo and blasted some daft punk
for the parking lot all while yelling "MAKE EVERY PARTY A DANCE PARTY."

6. quote your favorite lyric from a song

led zeppelin's "ten years gone"

coffee talk installment 17

get down.
on some coffee talk.  with NATALIE.
just answering the questions and linking up and bullshitting.  
you know.  the usual.

1. would you rather have a pen pal or an email pal?
both.  i want both.
i deserve both.
i practically have both already.  i talk to natalie and samm on a consistently stalkerish basis.
and sometimes - samm sends me pictures like this:

totally normal.
right?

2. what are you wearing at this exact moment?
ok.  something that i don't think really matches.
and it doesn't match because i got dressed in the fucking dark.
like i do every morning.
and must do so in like seven minutes because i hit the snooze button 
until the last possible second and then shoot out of bed like a goddamn 
wild animal and try to get my shit together without being late to work.

ok AND.
i'm wearing matching socks for the first time in a month.  #proud moment
but i'm not wearing underwear.
probably because i forgot.

3. when you are sick how do you handle it?
OH MY GOD - LEAVE ME ALONE.
that's how i handle it.  
i don't want to see anyone and i certainly don't want anyone to see me.
i would rather wrap myself in a cocoon of self-pity and be left to my own devices.
should i enlist you to bring me something i would rather you leave it by the door and leave.
i have been known to drown my sick sorrows in a bottle of alcohol.
mainly because my sick-addled brain tries to convince me that the alcohol will cleanse my blood
and therefore help me to get back on the mend.

it doesn't ever work.
but i attempt it like every, single time.

4. i am [fill in the blank]
doing this:

5. what movie you are excited to see this year?
ummm - city of bones.  only because i'm ravaging the book series right now.
but i probably won't even go see it in theaters.  
because i'm lazy.
and i'll wait for it to come out on dvd because i'm cheap.

and quickly - that goddamn preview for that movie "mama" is driving me insane.
like when it comes on and i can't find the remote to change the channel i need to leave the room.

coffee talk installment 16

it was weird to not do this last thursday.
DON'T EVER NOT DO THIS NATALIE.

but it's the usual.  link up, and answer the questions, grab the button, post it.
boom.  done.




1. it's 2K13!  what will be the first thing you do that is memorable?
uhhhh.  
not be a fat ass?  try hard not to binge drink?  actually use my gym membership?
not be a couch-laying-piece-of-shit?

is this a trick question?  like to make me feel bad about myself?
because if it is it totally worked.

2. it's also income tax season.  what do you plan on doing with all of that money?
save it.  because i have to get married in 2K14.
and apparently you need money if you want to get married here:

or anywhere for that matter.
which is total bullshit.

3. what are your 2012 pros/cons?
pros: got a new camera, got engaged (so now my 12+ year eternity relationship isn't such a joke to everyone), took slacking off to new levels, watched enough shit reality television to rot an entire army's brain, printed out a lot of hilarious internet pictures and hung them in my cubicle, drank gallons of alcohol, started getting my vagina waxed, started listening to chingy again,etc.

cons: didn't wear enough baggy, off the shoulder numbers and hangovers.

baggy, off the shoulder like this ya'll

4. what are you looking forward to this year?
for like a hot minute i thought about laying off the booze but then i realized that's a giant lie and also something i wouldn't ever look forward to.
because this is how we all know i feel about getting drunk:

so i guess maybe learning how to get even better at my alcohol consumption?

5. what was your favorite movie, CD, book of 2K12?
ok.  i am consistently like three years behind anything current.  like at all times.
so when i think about favorites i just think about the things i wildly obsessed about for a month.

movie: duh, sgt. bilko.  all day, every day.

CD: do people still buy those?  i don't.  so no, i don't have a favorite CD.  
but these are some songs i constantly made everyone around me listen to:

book: omg omg omg. anything by chuck palahniuk.  

i managed to cash invisible monsters, choke, and damned.

i live for his books.

chuck - CALL  ME.

coffee talk installment 15

coffee talk time.
boom.

1. what type of phone do you have?
an iPhone 4.  i wish there was a more creative way to answer this.  but there isn't.
so, whatever.

2. look to your right.  what do you see?

3. list five random facts about yourself.
1. snakes terrify me.  like violently terrify me.
2. whistling drives me bat-shit fucking crazy.
3. i could eat pickles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  and also as snacks.
4. if i could, i would punch people with bucket lists in the face. 
5. i'm obsessed with popping shitler's zits.  go ahead - judge me.

4. what is the one talent you wish you were great at?
something that made me a shit-ton of money.  like singing.  or dancing.  even stripping.  
just a talent of some sort.  other than being super good at being lazy and drinking.
that hasn't made me any money.  yet.

5. go to wikipedia.org and hit random.  the first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.  go to quotationspage.com and click random quotes.  the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.  go to weheartit.com and click on explore.  seventh picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.  use picmonkey.com to put it all together.  now show us your album!

Coffee Talk Installment 14

coffee talk time with natalie.

via

1. what are your winter "must haves?"
this is not a joke.  
ok.  it's kind of a joke.
but seriously try and tell me those AREN'T must haves?"

holiday must-haves by rynders featuring beauty products

2. what is on your christmas wishlist this year?
uhhh, not being annoyed by the holidays.  can santa bring me that?
i can't help but think that holidays bring out the worst in people.
when people aren't obsessing about everything they want they're busy stressing out about making sure to get the perfect gift for someone else.
count.meout.
if you want - you can get me a ridiculously awesome pair of socks.

3. what is your favorite holiday coffee/tea/alcoholic beverage?
i certainly don't discriminate.
so basically anything i can get my hands on.
spiked cider, strip & go nakeds, hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps, etc.
you know the deal.

4. what are your top three holiday desserts?
literally cheesecake in any form.
cherry cheesecake.
apple cheesecake.
mini cheesecakes.

5. what time do you get up to open presents from santa with your family?  do you clean up right away or do you leave it in a huge pile until it's the night before trash day?

ummm whenever i sleep my hangover off.  duh.

xmas is split pretty evenly between mine and shitler's family.  

xmas eve is with the shitlers.

xmas day is with the non-shitlers.

typically i just put my crap everywhere until shitler bitches at me to clean it up.

so i don't see why wrapping paper carcasses would be any different.

also - when i was younger i would get up before the sun.  like even when it wasn't xmas.

so on one xmas morn i rose from my bed and tip-toed around the house and was thoroughly disappointed that i was once again the only one up.  

but instead of going back to my room i went to the room of my baby brothers, laid down on the floor between their beds, and passed out.  

only to be woken up later on by the frantic freaking out of my parents because i wasn't in my bed.

logically - they assumed i had been abducted and proceeded to dial 911.

i managed to intercept said phone call and we narrowly missed a visit from the cops on xmas day.

6. what is your new year's resolution.

to not be such a fat ass.

and also to try harder to not drown my sorrows in carbs.

please note i said carbs.  not alcohol.

coffee talk installment 13

coffee talk time.
this week's topic: your relationshit.  i mean - relationSHIP.
linking up with natalie.


1. how did you meet your partner?
would you believe me if i told you that we met on the swing set?
because we totally did.  at his aunt's house - who was my neighbor.  and i refused to believe that he was a year older than me because we were the same height.
as if, shitler.
we went to the same church but different high schools.  he decided to take a class at my high school so we totally hung out in the hallways during lunch.  because we're basically the coolest.
that's a lie.  we weren't.
then we went to almost every high school dance together.  and i worked at hallmark and he worked at true value.  and sometimes he would pick me up after work and we would hang out at my parent's house where my dad would come into the room like seventeen times for various, bullshit reasons (like making sure shitler wasn't getting handsy) and i gave him presents like nelly's album "country grammar" and he gave me over-sized TY beanie baby bears (which i suspect he got at my place of employment).

babies

2. how did you feel about your partner when you first met them?
that he was easily the loudest and most obnoxious person i have ever met.
like he was the guy that dressed up in the women's cheer leading outfit for homecoming week.
BACK OFF LADIES - he's mine.

3. where was your first date?
don't judge us.
it was at an arby's.
and shitler's grandma was there.
swear.to.god.
but how can you even say "no" to the arby's sauce?

4. where do you see ya'll in five years?
for those that don't know - shitler popped the question back in september.
oh, and i said "yes."
so at least married.  hopefully.
it did take us twelve years to get to the engagement. 
so all bets are off on the actual marriage.
kidding.  kind of.

5. show a picture of you and your partner.

and there you have it.

the tale of shitler and shannon.

Coffee Talk Installment 12

how fitting.  blogging about blogging for coffee talk with natalie this week.

PS - if you haven't tried putting vodka in your coffee you should fix that right now.
unless you're at work. 
then maybe don't.
or do.  if you feel like living on the edge.


1. what is the meaning behind your blog name?
i just recently made the switch to something different.
i thought something catchier and more direct would be better.
also something more alcohol-focused.
because duh.
so gin & bare it was reborn.  like a fucking phoenix rising from the ashes.
and i'm not sure if there's really much meaning behind it.
similar to the saying "grin and bear it" only better.
less grinning and more ginning.  
also more nudity. 
at least talking about nudity.

2. how long have you been blogging?  what made you start?
i think it's been a little over a year.  

do you ever take a moment to stop and look around at the bullshit surrounding you and then also try to wrap your brain around the question "is this really my fucking life?"
that's the type of epiphany i had.  and then i decided to share my bullshit with the world.
so now my bullshit is your bullshit.

3. what is your blog generally about?
everything and nothing.  all at the same time.
my hangovers, my idiot dogs, shitler the fiance, hot dogs, ridiculous things that happen to me, etc.

i like to think it's maybe a place people can go and be all 
"hmm, look at this girl's life.  i guess mine isn't so bad after all."  
i also consider this my good deed for my entire life.
you're welcome, world.

4. do you have any funny blogs you would like to share?
ok.  totally my girl samm.  
formerly at dysfunctional ever after but currently 
representing at the naked manual.  
she cracks my shit up on a daily basis.  
mainly because we talk constantly.
like i think i talk to her more than i talk to shitler.
meh.  oh well.

also lauren at filing jointly...finally 
chick is hilar.  
and also a victim of the eternity relationship.

and lastly jessica at stylish, stealthy, and healthy.
because she likes wine like i like wine.
and also likes to talk about it.

5. what are your hopes for your blog?
to continue to be entertaining.  like not even all the way entertaining.
i'd settle for 65% entertaining.
mainly i just enjoy the internet, and funny pictures of cats and also nonsense.
if someone would like to pay me to put ads for cats on my blog - i would.
if someone would like to send me alcohol samplers - i would enjoy that.
if someone would like to send me a picture of themselves doing something ridiculous so i can put it on my blog - i would also do that.

so consider that cat ad people, alcohol companies, and everyone on the internet.
call me.

also, here's a picture of me from when i met the jonas brothers.

Coffee Talk Installment 11

i'm not sure why it's taken me so long to do this post since it's practically about my favorite subject ever.
but i did it.  
and i love it.  
and now i'm thirsty.

i'm heading over to natalie's blog to link up for coffee talk.
or maybe this week it should be alcohol talk.



1. what is your favorite drink called?  what are the ingredients in it?
ok.  you must, the next time you are out, order a vodka press.  because it's practically my favorite drink in the entire world (but please understand i don't discriminate against other alcohol).  
ingredients are vodka (obviously) and then half white soda and half tonic with your choice of lemon and lime.  
i feel like it will change your life.  
so trust me and just order it the next time you're out.  except maybe be prepared to explain it to your bartender because i've heard that it's a mid-west thing.

2. how old were you when you first got drunk?
i was 19.
swear.to.god.
but don't worry.  i'm making up for lost time now.

3. name an embarrassing moment about you or your friends that occurred while drinking?
i don't know if it's necessarily embarrassing but one time when i was in vegas with shitler and a couple of friends i got like beat-up, black-out drunk and ended up at a hooters across town from our hotel with two super nice lesbians.
shitler wasn't very happy.  since i just wandered off with two strangers in the city of sin.

super drunk and taking phone calls in some random person's suite

 4. what is your favorite party drinking game?
i don't enjoy parties.  but i enjoy having like six people over and playing asshole, circle of death, and ride the bus.  let me regale you with a "ride the bus" tale.
we used to have a couple of neighbors that hung out in their garage around a giant bar that the american flag painted on the front (we fondly referred to it as "america's bar").  we would routinely play "ride the bus" which is basically laying one card face up and six others face down and guessing whether the next card will be higher or lower.  if you get it wrong you drink the number of cards you guessed correctly.  if you guess every single card right - you have ridden the bus and your opponent has to drink whatever is left of their cocktail.  
usually not a big deal, right?
unless you've just made yourself a brand new, TALL vodka tonic.
and then your opponent rides the bus.
and then shows no mercy and threatens to ban you from america's bar unless you follow the rules and cash your drink.
which i did - in case you were wondering.
and then i was very, very drunk.

not what i had to chug - but it certainly felt like that.

5. are you a happy drunk?  sad drunk? sleepy drunk?  paranoid drunk?  or other?
typically happy.  
typically "let's do shots" kind of drunk.  
typically "you really, really need another drink" type drunk.
so basically a "peer pressurer" drunk (peer-pressurer isn't a word but i'm using it).

6. are you a hard drinker?  fruity drinker?  not a drinker at all?  or other?
give me hard liquor any day.
beer makes me too full and then i can't drink more.
and anything fruity will give me gut rot to the n-th degree.

so there it is.
cheers ya'all.

Coffee Talk Installment 10

so it's thursday.  which means it's time for coffee talk.  which means it's time for natalie.
so answer nat's questions, grab the button, and link up.
do it because i told you to.



1. what is your worst habit?
oh god.  shitler would easily say my lack of follow-through.  
which is why he calls me a 3%'er (since i only do what i say i'm going to do 3% of the time).  
like i totally say that i'm going to do something and then just don't do it.
which extends to most everything i do.  chores.  laundry.  literally anything.

2. what is your biggest pet peeve?
people who groom themselves at work (i can hear you clipping your finger nails and it's fucking gross), whistling, spelling errors, having to pee, having to shower, general chores like laundry and cleaning, general stupidity, not having any pickles in the house, not being able to find any of the sixteen chap sticks i have, etc.
i feel like there's probably more.  oh, maybe a pet peeve could be knowing that you have more pet peeves but you just can't remember all the pet peeves at the moment that you really need to remember them?

3. what is annoying you right this very minute?
is it too general to say everything in the world?
actually - it would be this.

my dog is an asshole.

4. how do you relieve stress?

i hate to state the obvious.

duh.

5. what truly makes you happy?

ummm, can i just refer you to question four?  

but that's not limited to just boxed wine.  vodka also makes me happy.

also the internet.  that makes me happy.  because it contains pictures like this:

via cslacker

shitler is also pretty entertaining.  so that makes me happy.  and the couch makes me happy.  and not wearing pants.  and my dogs when they're not assholes.  and funny socks.

so i guess a lot makes me happy.

Coffee Talk Installment 9

coffee talk with nat - because it's thursday.  link up and check it out.



1. when is your birthday?  how old will you be?  what is your sign?
my birthday is in may.  
i'll be twenty-fucking-eight.  
and i'm a gemini.  
but i don't think i'm all the way gemini.  because when i read my stupid horoscope stuff only half of it applies.  and then i read some taurus stuff and only half of that applies.  so i think i'm straddling the two (shut it perverts).

take this for instance.  i hate moving around.  i love my couch - and being stationary (preferably horizontal on it).  i do love gadgets.  and i do love arguing (ask shitler) and i hate making commitments (see me make plans with you and then desperately try to get out of them because when i made the plans i thought it was a good idea but now that it's time to pay the piper i can't stop thinking about laying on my couch and not leaving my house).  BUT, i love wasting time.  so go figure.

2. what's the best birthday gift you've ever gotten?  what is the worst gift?
i don't know.  when i turned 21 shitler gave me this spinny alcohol thing that you put various bottles in.  i had grand plans for that.  like put a different bottle of alcohol in every spout and then laminate a tiny picture and attach it to the base and then invite everyone over and play spin-the-bottle-of-alcohol-and-take-a-shot-of-whatever-it-lands-on-till-you-puke.  but that never came to fruition.  obviously.

whatever game i did play with it that night was certainly effective.

i prefer that people don't make a giant deal over my birthday.  because frankly - awesome i'm a year older and i don't give a shit.  just like i didn't give a shit last year.  i guess the worst type of birthday gift would be something that's completely not you and then you have to put on that cheesy, fake grin and act like you love it and then go home and throw it in a closet and forget about it.

3. do you like having birthday parties for yourself?  what about surprise birthday parties?
i mainly like drinking for my birthday.  so if you'd like to come over and ball on a budget and hit the bottle hard with me in the comfort of my home - then you're invited.  or if you want to meet me at the bar and buy me shots then we can do that too.  i'm not really into crowds.  or having to entertain people so parties aren't usually something i favor.  
surprise parties?  gross - and even worse.  because what if someone you have been avoiding gets invited and then you're surpise-forced to hang out with them?  ugh.  i'll throw a surprise party for others though.  like shitler.  once i threw a surprise party for him and it was awesome.

4. what is your dream birthday party bash?
omg.  a giant room full of couches and all my best gals can each have a couch and a bottle of alcohol of their choosing.  then we lay all day and watch bravo and then movies like practical magic, cruel intentions, anything with usher or nick canon (drum line - obvi), crossroads, etc.  and also food.  like copious amounts of food.  and never having to get up to go to the bathroom.

5. what is your favorite kind of birthday cake?
totally marble.  don't give me that plain vanilla bullshit.
and maybe princess jasmine on it.  like my second-grade birthday cake.

6. what is on your birthday wish list?
winning the lottery.  
or finding someone that wants to pay off my student loans.  
and vodka.

oh, and if you want to come do this with me on my birthday - that would be awesome.
and totally comfortable.