because friday

sometimes a friday comes around and it's different than other fridays. and it's because you don't have to work your second job and it's not because you have shitloads of crap to do that you have off from your second job but it's because you decided that you just wanted to be able to go out to dinner on a friday night with the rest of the world that doesn't have to work at a restaurant and you're going to enjoy the shit out of it.  and then, since you're lazy and you'll probably eat too much, you'll go straight home after said dinner and watch eight hours of sons of anarchy and rock back and forth while you weep because it's so emotionally overwhelming that your tiny woman brain can barely handle it.  and then you'll follow it up by watching the voice because then you can have a healthy weep session where you thank the lord there are truly talented people in the world (though you're still harboring a deep seated resentment that you received no such talent).  and this entire time you will be rocking really perfectly curled hair that almost never happens.  and then you'll also go to the gym friday, saturday, and sunday and you will realize that you've gone to the gym every single day for the last two weeks and you will be impressed with yourself.  but not so impressed that you throw yourself a damn party where only you're invited and you get too drunk because you have calories that you need to save to eat pizza on saturday night and carrot cake pancakes on sunday morning and then will have to packer fan indulge after that and then be so exhausted you'll nap from 3PM till when you have to wake up for work on monday morning.
and just so we're clear this entire post was me telling you what i'm going to be doing this weekend.
other things i did this week: 1.  bought a blanket scarf  because ashten. 2.  tried shakeology for the first time because of samantha (and no there's no post that i know of that's shakeology related but i just like her blog).  oh wait i just searched her blog and ya there's totally a post and here it is.  it's HERE. 3.  had some really in depth g.chat conversations with lindsay about food.  basically just food porn. 4.  had my life changed when samm told me that there are bravo emoticons. #twirl 5.  harrassed faith because she's been posting lasagna spaghetti squash pictures and has yet to fork over the recipe so that i can cram it down my gullet.
and also because a post is boring without a picture here's one from last tuesday that murders my uterus every time i look at it.

happy weekend'ing, you hoes! what's on your docket?

Textual Feeling: B's B-Day!

in trying to honor b on the day of his birth and his cursed existence in my life since i encountered him however many years ago - i give you these:

***

me: i had asparagus with dinner last night and my pee has smelled alllll day.
b: i love when that happens.

***

b: why aren't we supposed to cry over spilled milk?  if not cleaned up properly, spilled milk can get pretty nasty.  that seems like something to cry over.

------ (this is me ignoring him)

b: 

------ (this is me ignoring him again)

b:



------ (me ignoring him)

b: EVENTUALLY YOU WILL RESPOND TO ME.
me: those are old news bitch.
b: la dee da.  i just had them sent to me.  sorry for thinking you'd enjoy them too.  now answer my question.
me: i guess my answer would be that i wouldn't give a shit because a dog or cat would lick it up and it wouldn't be my fucking problem anymore.
b: why are you so bitchy today?
me: i need a drink.

***

b: well, it's what she wants.
me: all that she wants?
b: you got it.
me: what about another baby?
b: that's me.  duh.
me: quit being obtuse and acknowledge my ace of base reference.
b: nope.  i refuse to give you that satisfaction.

***

so here's to b.  on his fucking bday.  

here's to many more times we get hammered and make poor choices while shitler judges us, to hours spent watching "my cat from hell," and to discussing books and how much we love them in front of shitler till his head explodes.  

to vodka presses (with lime -because if you prefer them without - odds are you're a fucking communist) and john daly's, and ranch dressing on the thighs of hot girls.

to daring me to steal shit when i get drunk out of my skull, to encouraging you to drunk dial people and leave embarrassing messages, and most importantly - here's to poor-decision making (especially on your bday).

Dear Chingy - I Miss You

remember chingy?
i do.
fondly.

back in college, N and i used to listen to him and ludacris while we raped mario kart and donkey kong on the super nintendo.
for whatever reason, the other night i got some chingy song stuck in my head and tried to serenade lincoln. then i tried to make him watch the video.
he wasn't having it.
but i bet you'll have it:

that's some powerful shit.
ps. the end is my favorite part. with all the hoes.