dogs vs. assholes

how does that saying go? the one about your dog and being a person or something?

there.

that one.

it's weird.

as time goes by and things and people change you can't help but wonder if things were always a certain way or if it's just now that you're starting to notice it?

because it's not just about being the kind of person your dog thinks you are.

sometimes it's about wishing the people you surround yourself with are more like your dogs.

because really dogs are just super excited to see you.  and they want you to spoon them and give them treats and more snuggles and then also throw their sticks for them.  and isn't that basically what we all want out of life (minus the stick throwing; or not - depending on what you're into).  

sometimes shitler gives me a hard time because my favorite thing in the whole world is doing nothing by myself (and by extension my dogs because hello they love me).  but let's be honest - it's because my dogs don't make rude comments about my appearance or behaviors.  frankly if i'm suffering through a particularly bad hangover - mac just licks my face and lays next to me rather than judging and ridiculing me for my poor decision making the night before.  neither dog makes any off color comments about whether it looks like i've packed on a few pounds (they might be thinking it but thankfully they can't verbalize it and really they would just want to go for a walk for their own selfish reasons rather than thinking i needed to shed some LBs).  they don't rip on me for what i enjoy doing or whether or not i'm making the right life choices (at least what others deem are the right life choices).

it's a weird thing.  

it's weird because it's easy for me to champion other people.  and to be upset when others are treated like total shit.  but, i've found, that when it comes to me it's easier to just internalize it and then ruminate on it for weeks on end until i finally get over it and move on.  because really i just try to treat people the way that i would want to be treated.  and i don't think others would like to be told things that are intentionally hurtful.  so truly it's just confusing; that some people enjoy saying things about other individuals that they wouldn't want to hear about themselves.

i don't really have any way to wrap this up.

i like my dogs.  they're not assholes.

maybe that's the moral of the story.  don't be a fucking asshole.

some things on friday

FRIDAY. get down.  get down on friday for realz. and a friday in which i don't have to sling sushi at the restaurant and instead will be travelling to the north woods is a good friday, indeed.
let's do a quick friday favorites.  or five on friday. whichever.
1 // i can't stop listening to this song.

like can't stop to the point that i was in the car with shitler the other night and tried to demonstrate to him what i looked like listening to it on repeat while at the gym on the elliptical and it involved a lot of jerky, uncoordinated movements and he was like "you don't seriously do that the gym, do you?"  and i was all "i'll never tell."
2 // earlier this week a co-worker reached her paws over the wall that separated our cubes and stuck heart-shaped tacks in my cube while quietly whispering "here; these are for you."  it was both weird and left me with a case of the giggles.

3 // if you don't watch trailer park boys then we can't be friends because it was just recently announced that season nine will be available for my viewing pleasure at the end of this month and i can't f'ing wait.

4 // my best friend in the whole entire world had a baby on monday!  she said she's biased and thinks it's the cutest baby in all the land and maybe i'm biased too but i happen to totally agree with her that it is, indeed, the cutest baby ever to grace this good earth.  i would post a picture, but no, you'll just have to take my word for it.
5 // i've mentioned previously that i don't like doing things that i think shitler should be responsible for.  one of said shitler responsibilities is the unclogging of the shower drain.  he routinely blames me and murphy lee (smurf lee sleeps in the bathtub - it's weird - i know) for the amount of hair that clogs the drain and whatever i'll deny it to the day i die that it's solely our faults because have you seen that hairy beast that is shitler?  but i digress.  because on tuesday i had to wash my gym shoes off in the tub (since it's mud season) and it immediately clogged up the drain.  so naturally i texted shitler to apprise him of the clogged drain situation and the following conversation was had:

i would link up with natalie but noooooooo her link up isn't live yet.
rude.
bye.

tin foil curls and dramz

the other day i was at home.  and i was bored.  and since watching real housewives of orange county reruns on hulu wasn't cutting it and shitler was in the spare bedroom doing "work related things" (he assured me he wasn't watching porn) i thought i would dive in and try some random hair curling video i saw on the interwebz.  i didn't think it would actually work (contrary to watching the video and seeing it really work) because i feel like every time you see something on the interwebz that's supposed to work it just doesn't.  BUT THIS DID.  and it involved wrapping chunks of my hair in tin foil and then heating said tin foils full of my hair with a hair straightener and then shitler was all "is that how you're going to go to dinner?  like that?  like you're going to a 1920s party?"  and i was like "yes.  is that a problem?"  

and then he just kind of murmured under his breath because it looked a tad ridiculous right out the foils.  and then i was all "YOU'RE IN LUCK!  I HAVE TWO EXTRA TIN FOILS.  i'll do your hair."  and obviously he was thrilled and obviously it worked on his hair.  and i got totally overly excited and attempted to take a picture and then shitler snapped and this ensued:
shitler: YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE PICTURES OF WHATEVER YOU WANT.
me: uh ya i can.
but i, nonetheless, retreated from the spare bedroom carefully and sat on the couch. then he yelled some more.
shitler:  I'M NOT SOME DOLL YOU CAN JUST DRESS UP HOWEVER YOU WANT.
**my internal dialog:  wait.  he isn't?  i've made a horrible marriage mistake.**
knowing that it's best not to poke the beast that is shitler when he's all riled up i just stewed in my own silence and continued to watch the saga that is "did gretchen rossi get offered a part on malibu country or is she just just lying?"  and then a few minutes later i heard, dejectedly might i add, "you can come take your picture."  and then i cackled with glee.  but didn't bother to take the picture because at that point my laziness had taken over.

compromises

i wrote half a post about the book that i said i would talk about. but then i hated half of the half of a post i wrote and didn't feel like doing anything to make me hate it any less.  so naturally i bailed and posted nothing on wednesday like i said i was going to try super hard to do.  and now it's thursday and of course i came here and stared at the taunting cursor and absolutely was going to fix the book post that i half-hated but then didn't have the motivation so naturally i looked at my phone and forgot that i had given shitler all his birthday presents a week early.  and i also forgot that it wasn't too long ago that shitler said i was terrible at giving him presents. but he can no longer say that.
BECAUSE I GAVE HIM THIS.

A MACHETE.  

take THAT shitler and your accusations that i give terrible gifts!  huzzah!

also it was totally a deal.  $32 on amazon?  DEAL.

and also yesterday morning shitler got mad at me and accused me of spending too much money and that every day he comes home and there's a new package.  and i was like "that's not true."  and then when we came home later that night there was a package from partylite waiting by the door and he just turned and shot me a dirty look.  thanks a lot, partylite.

but also i ordered some delightful legwarmers from groopdealz last week and my inner commentary was all "shit when those get delivered it will not help my case about how i totally don't spend too much money and also that there isn't something new delivered every day."  and then the following textual conversation happened and all was right in the world because compromising works.

and i'm totally going to work on un-hating that book post.

holler back.

a monday mish mash.

ahhh monday. we meet again. i'm feeling quite shaky, and no it's not alcohol related, but instead coffee related and that i've had too much and now i have the caffeine shakes.  someone make me a shirt that reads "on mondays we get the caffeine shakes because hello i think the reason is obvious."
anyway. just a few things. i'm going to go ahead and try to adhere to some sort of posting schedule.  i'm thinking mondays, wednesdays, and fridays.  like for consistency but also because i think maybe it will hold me accountable.  probably not - but let's give it a whirl.
this post is going to be a jumble of a lot of things. on friday i went to a happy hour with a friend.  or so we thought it would be happy hour.  as in - their website said it was happy hour but then we got there and the waiter was all "we don't do happy hour on fridays" and i was all "please hold."
and then showed him on my phone where it said on their current and up to date website that it read "happy hour, monday through friday, 4:30-6:30" and he just like uncomfortably shrugged his shoulders and i was like "well maybe you should tell someone that your website says that but in fact there's not happy hour."  and he just uncomfortably shrugged again and whatever we stayed for dinner anyway but definitely weren't pleased but then became please after we ate.  so basically we're infants.

mac has always been weird. and he's been doing a lot more of sleeping on his back lately.  i read somewhere that it means he's super comfortable.
i'm still not all that comfortable constantly seeing his balls but oh well.

out of town shitler finally came back in town.

i know i've said that i absolutely adore when he's gone but sometimes things are just easier when he's around.  like when your car won't start twice in one week and the outside light burns out again and it's negative kajillion outside and you just want to give up on life because it's not that you can't do anything of those on your own but you have a husband for a reason and my reasoning for having one is to do all the crap i don't like and also have relations with and he's useless to me when he's not around to render said services.

also i bought a new shower curtain.

i bought it hoping it would drive shitler batty and make him regret ever marrying me (i say that lovingly because i like to keep him on his toes) but instead he fucking loved it, deemed it awesome, and then brainstormed her name.  tabitha cartwright.

if you follow me on instagram - sorry for the repeat of pictures.

also - wednesday i think i'm going to talk about this weird book series that i think i hate myself for reading and it's not even that good but i can't stop.  so stay tuned.  and stay weird.

p.s. whatever picture sizing consistency. 

Pro Party Planner: The App for Any and All Parties

There's probably nothing more enjoyable than a great dinner party or gathering with friends, as people come together and have fun catching up. Parties are a great chance for us to keep in touch with old friends, welcome back family members who have recently traveled, or even just celebrate an achievement. But truth be told, they're much more fun when you're a guest, and not the host.

Anyone who’s ever thrown a party – be it big or small – knows that it’s not all fun and games. There are so many things to put into consideration when planning a party, from the guest list to the budget, to the food you’ll be serving and even the decorations you’ll be putting up. It’s the same for any and all events, and if you’re new to planning a party, it’s normal to, at some point, feel like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.

Luckily, there are some apps that can help take away the stress of party planning. While our phones are still mainly used for messaging and social apps, research has shown that planning and productivity apps don’t fall too far behind, ranking 2nd in the most-used apps on smartphones. With the operators behind newly-launched gaming portal Spin Genie, claiming that “Growth in mobile internet is one of the most powerful trends in the internet landscape”, thanks to the adoption of smartphones. This has led to the development of much more streamlined apps, which accomplish what they’ve set out to do brilliantly.

Among the thousands of apps that promise to make party planning easier, Pro Party Planner definitely stands out. Why? Because it takes care of every aspect of the party planning process seamlessly, including seating arrangements, so you can do everything on your phone! Users can import table maps and add guests to the seat chart with a drag and drop tool, manage budgets and expenses, and even manage any other people helping to host the event.

All of your plans can be exported to PDFs or Google Docs for others to share, and you can even set reminders to help notify your assistants of tasks they need to accomplish as the day of the event rolls closer. You can also create a guest list on your app so you can easily contact any and all of your guests for updates, RSVPs, and requests. The app even lets you see how your place is going to look for your party. Simply upload images of your party space to the app, add in pictures of your decorations, and decorate the space inside the app itself. Pro Party Planner costs $4.99 on the iTunes App Store, but it’s an excellent investment, especially if you find yourself throwing parties often.
**this is a guest post from an affiliate.**