Textual Feeling: Red State. Not To Be Confused With My Menstrual Cycle

B: so, i see you finally watched red state.

me: good god.  i wish he was my pastor.

B: that dude was way fucked up.  such a great movie.

me: totally.

B: yeah, Milton shot that one guy.

me: i couldn't take him seriously.  not from office space or from when the pastor laid into him and started talking about feces on his scrotum.

B: i can't ever take him seriously with any character after office space or dodgeball.

me: what i will commend the loonies for is containing the bloody mess with saran wrap after they shot that guy in the head.

B: yes, you wouldn't want to get infected with the gay in his blood.

Me: no, since they consider it so contagious.

besides Yeti, i've recently indulged in one of those batshit crazy, radical religious movies that was on Netflix streaming.  props to B for mentioning it and thanks to Lincoln for badgering me till i watched it. 

it was.  INSANE.

i must warn that i had to edit the convo between b and i so that it wouldn't give anything away and please note the textual sarcasm when referencing homosexuality.

but most importantly, if you love guns, violence, right-wing nut jobs, charismatic pastor/cult leaders, perceived sexual deviancy, hymns, John Goodman, killing sprees, and overall ridiculousness then this movie is for you.

if you'd like a more concise version you can imdb it.

[caption id="attachment_698" align="aligncenter" width="208" caption="LOVE YOUR DAMN NEIGHBOR!!!!!"][/caption]

Sobriety Sucks - But At Least it's Made Me Slightly More Productive

i love vodka.  i love the bar.  i love drinking. 

so anyone that truly knows me, knows i'm usually full of shit when i say i'm going to stop drinking.

but back in October, i decided that i wanted to stop being so fucking chubby.  so i went on a diet.  which meant i had to give up my dearest friend, vodka.  most doubted me.  and with good reason.  i'm not very good at following through with things i say i'm going to do.  but  i must say, fuck you very much, for those that didn't believe i could do it (Lincoln) because it's now been thirty-two days on this motherfucking diet with zero alcohol.

don't get me wrong - it's been fucking miserable.  aside from waking up and not feeling like a piece of shit, the only other plus has been that i've actually dropped weight.

so, although many of you could care less, i am presenting the last thirty-two days in the form of pictures and words. 

enjoy or destroy.

first and foremost.  i've read an assload of books in the last month.

• The Help


• The Kite Runner


• Orange is the New Black


• The Hunger Games trilogy (for the love of all that's holy - READ THESE)

become more obsessed with all things related to cooking and baking and blogging.

• made Mexican Manicotti


• perfected my meatloaf


• made cake balls, cookies, mini cheesecakes, truffles, and peppermint bark


• loved up on many of my favorite blogs like this one, this one, and this one.

discovered many things about the pussy residing in our house.

[caption id="attachment_518" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="relax PETA. he's being supervised when he plays in the plastic bag."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_519" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="he LOVES Nati Light."][/caption]

learned that Lincoln loves his new shotgun more than me (i'm not even kidding.  the night he got it he suggested i sleep on the couch).

[caption id="attachment_522" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="i named her Eleanor."][/caption]

found that i truly enjoy encouraging/peer pressuring others to binge drink.

[caption id="attachment_525" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="firm grip there Lincoln."][/caption]

crafted x-mas presents.  i would post pictures but i will refrain (even though they turned out awesome).  i don't want to assume that people even read this blog, but with my luck the people getting said gifts will see them here and everything will be ruined.

watched Foy learn how to eat a crab leg.

[caption id="attachment_526" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="not the proper form, but i'll accept it."][/caption]

learned that Murphy Lee is a HUGE Rush fan.  and that Lincoln hates clothing for dogs.  but i don't think band tees should count.

[caption id="attachment_527" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Exit the warrior, today's Tom Sawyer"][/caption]

 this is unrelated.  but G bought me this hat.  and i love it.

[caption id="attachment_528" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="i'm not buying whatever he's selling."][/caption]

so that's it.  that's what i've been doing.  nothing exciting. 

i realize that i could blog more - since i'm not hammered all the time. 

i apologize if this bored anyone.  i'd like to think it didn't. 

but leave some comments if it did.

i really like 'lil wayne, although i rarely listen to him or even have any of his music but this line always resonates with me.

'cuz if you lookin' for me you can find me on the block disobeyin' the law

#realtalk