Textual Feeling: Mind Fucked

b: so, showering and hygiene in general is really more of nuisance then it's worth.
me:  SEE.  I TOLD YOU.
b: you should write a book.  you are so full of worldly wisdom.
me:  i know this.
typically b isn't this nice to me.  so i felt warm and fuzzy inside.  but for like one fucking minute because then it felt like a trap.
like he was setting me up.
which he probably was.  
he was probably slyly accusing me of being a dirty fucking hippie because i don't like to shower.  which is fine.  because that's also why i love camping.  no one judges you when you don't shower because  you're "roughing it."
regardless.
look at me and shitler "roughing it:"

greasy

back to the task at hand.  i'm pretty sure b was just mind fucking me by back-handedly complimenting me with a masked insult that contained insinuations that i don't shower (which i totally wouldn't if it were more socially acceptable).
whatever.
i'm having mini cucumber sandwiches for lunch.

The Night I Fell In Love With The Pampered Chef Mix 'N Chop

shitler makes fun of me because he says i never stick with anything.  i just get incredibly excited about something and go balls to the wall with it for two weeks, then lose interest and lay on the couch and watch television until something else sparks my interest and the whole process starts over again.
case in point - mini cucumber sandwiches.
a couple of week's ago my knocked up friend had a baby shower:

womb.creature.

at said baby shower there were mini cucumber sandwiches.  i forgot about about that until yesterday when i had an overwhelming need to make them. 

it begins. leave all inappropriate comments below.

after i ate a loaf of pumpkernickel mini cucumber sandwiches and got gut rot - i laid on the couch and watched five hours of once upon a time.  but then i remembered that i got one of those mix 'n chops so i immediately made a beeline for the ground turkey in the fridge and mixed and chopped to my heart's fucking content.

i promise that there isn't any hair in the turkey.  but if there was it wouldn't matter because you're not even eating it.  i am.  and it's my fucking hair.  no we're square.  but really, the mix 'n chop changed my life.  i will only accept ground beef/turkey recipes that require those meats to be mixed 'n chopped from here on out.
also - during this debacle i had to switch to rumchata as i polished off the rest of my vodka during the frantic-ness of making mini cuke sandwiches.
chuck muscled his way in.  dick.

i suppose the moral of the story is that i will eat mini cucumber sandwiches and use my mix 'n chop for the next week or so and then i will forget about it.  upon which i will find something else to wildly obsess about for a short period of time.

Inbred Cat

[caption id="attachment_349" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="REALLY?"][/caption]

 My friend G sent me this picture in an email today and I just about died.

Amazing.

Whoever created this is a genius. 
And if there are more out there, I would like to see each and every one of them.