Friday, November 30

High Five 4 Friday

let's link up lauren at from my grey desk


1. these pens.
there are a lot of them.
but don't get excited.  
they're for working.
at the restaurant.
TONIGHT.  so no high-fiving until after i'm done.

2. the sky looks drunk.
and also messy.
story of my life.

3. ok, so while frantically making upgrades and changing shit this week i got a new email.
and i set it up.
and i picked a background.
and then while chatting with samm i asked her what her background was.
and she was all "the regular background.  yours?"
and i was all "uhh, a pair of hippos screaming at each other."

also - i swear my screen doesn't look like that when i'm talking to samm.
although in retrospect it probably looks weirder that i added them all on my own.

sidenote - the new email is
and if you want to you can totally email random, nonsensical bullshit and i will look at and respond to it before i do anything else that should be more important in my life.
like work.
or shitler.

4. i realize i have an obsession with all things chuck palahniuk.
i literally cannot stop reading anything he writes and then wildly obsessing over it.
this won't be any different.

5. i re-vamped this bitch of a blog.
new name.  new bullshit.

what do you think?

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Thursday, November 29

Coffee Talk Installment 12

how fitting.  blogging about blogging for coffee talk with natalie this week.

PS - if you haven't tried putting vodka in your coffee you should fix that right now.
unless you're at work. 
then maybe don't.
or do.  if you feel like living on the edge.

Coffee Talk with Natalie Blair

1. what is the meaning behind your blog name?
i just recently made the switch to something different.
i thought something catchier and more direct would be better.
also something more alcohol-focused.
because duh.
so gin & bare it was reborn.  like a fucking phoenix rising from the ashes.
and i'm not sure if there's really much meaning behind it.
similar to the saying "grin and bear it" only better.
less grinning and more ginning.  
also more nudity. 
at least talking about nudity.

2. how long have you been blogging?  what made you start?
i think it's been a little over a year.  

do you ever take a moment to stop and look around at the bullshit surrounding you and then also try to wrap your brain around the question "is this really my fucking life?"
that's the type of epiphany i had.  and then i decided to share my bullshit with the world.
so now my bullshit is your bullshit.

3. what is your blog generally about?
everything and nothing.  all at the same time.
my hangovers, my idiot dogs, shitler the fiance, hot dogs, ridiculous things that happen to me, etc.

i like to think it's maybe a place people can go and be all 
"hmm, look at this girl's life.  i guess mine isn't so bad after all."  
i also consider this my good deed for my entire life.
you're welcome, world.

4. do you have any funny blogs you would like to share?
ok.  totally my girl samm.  
formerly at dysfunctional ever after but currently 
representing at the naked manual.  
she cracks my shit up on a daily basis.  
mainly because we talk constantly.
like i think i talk to her more than i talk to shitler.
meh.  oh well.

also lauren at filing jointly...finally 
chick is hilar.  
and also a victim of the eternity relationship.

and lastly jessica at stylish, stealthy, and healthy.
because she likes wine like i like wine.
and also likes to talk about it.

5. what are your hopes for your blog?
to continue to be entertaining.  like not even all the way entertaining.
i'd settle for 65% entertaining.
mainly i just enjoy the internet, and funny pictures of cats and also nonsense.
if someone would like to pay me to put ads for cats on my blog - i would.
if someone would like to send me alcohol samplers - i would enjoy that.
if someone would like to send me a picture of themselves doing something ridiculous so i can put it on my blog - i would also do that.

so consider that cat ad people, alcohol companies, and everyone on the internet.
call me.

also, here's a picture of me from when i met the jonas brothers.

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Monday, November 26

new drinks, new directions

allright ya'll.
it's time for this blog to get a makeover.
so bare with me - as there is a new URL 
and the blog will officially be under fucking construction for awhile.

update my URL to the new one -
and if you need to reach me you can at

in the meantime - just do what i do.  
and start drinking.

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Coffee Talk Installment 11

i'm not sure why it's taken me so long to do this post since it's practically about my favorite subject ever.
but i did it.  
and i love it.  
and now i'm thirsty.

i'm heading over to natalie's blog to link up for coffee talk.
or maybe this week it should be alcohol talk.

Coffee Talk with Natalie Blair

1. what is your favorite drink called?  what are the ingredients in it?
ok.  you must, the next time you are out, order a vodka press.  because it's practically my favorite drink in the entire world (but please understand i don't discriminate against other alcohol).  
ingredients are vodka (obviously) and then half white soda and half tonic with your choice of lemon and lime.  
i feel like it will change your life.  
so trust me and just order it the next time you're out.  except maybe be prepared to explain it to your bartender because i've heard that it's a mid-west thing.

2. how old were you when you first got drunk?
i was 19.
but don't worry.  i'm making up for lost time now.

3. name an embarrassing moment about you or your friends that occurred while drinking?
i don't know if it's necessarily embarrassing but one time when i was in vegas with shitler and a couple of friends i got like beat-up, black-out drunk and ended up at a hooters across town from our hotel with two super nice lesbians.
shitler wasn't very happy.  since i just wandered off with two strangers in the city of sin.
super drunk and taking phone calls in some random person's suite
 4. what is your favorite party drinking game?
i don't enjoy parties.  but i enjoy having like six people over and playing asshole, circle of death, and ride the bus.  let me regale you with a "ride the bus" tale.
we used to have a couple of neighbors that hung out in their garage around a giant bar that the american flag painted on the front (we fondly referred to it as "america's bar").  we would routinely play "ride the bus" which is basically laying one card face up and six others face down and guessing whether the next card will be higher or lower.  if you get it wrong you drink the number of cards you guessed correctly.  if you guess every single card right - you have ridden the bus and your opponent has to drink whatever is left of their cocktail.  
usually not a big deal, right?
unless you've just made yourself a brand new, TALL vodka tonic.
and then your opponent rides the bus.
and then shows no mercy and threatens to ban you from america's bar unless you follow the rules and cash your drink.
which i did - in case you were wondering.
and then i was very, very drunk.
not what i had to chug - but it certainly felt like that.
5. are you a happy drunk?  sad drunk? sleepy drunk?  paranoid drunk?  or other?
typically happy.  
typically "let's do shots" kind of drunk.  
typically "you really, really need another drink" type drunk.
so basically a "peer pressurer" drunk (peer-pressurer isn't a word but i'm using it).

6. are you a hard drinker?  fruity drinker?  not a drinker at all?  or other?
give me hard liquor any day.
beer makes me too full and then i can't drink more.
and anything fruity will give me gut rot to the n-th degree.

so there it is.
cheers ya'all.
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Friday, November 23

High Five 4 Friday

it's taken me four hours to get this shit together.  i haven't left my bed and i've watched crossroads, sydney white, and now ice loves coco.  
whatever.  i'm not even ashamed.
because i'm probably going to drag myself out of bed and set up shop on the couch.
with a bowl of mashed potatoes.
and mini reubens.
and not move.  except to go to the bathroom.  and jostle the netflix every once and awhile so it doesn't turn off.

but it's friday.  let's get to high-fiving with lauren.


1. i've been making spiked cider like every day.  and when i ran out of rum i cracked into shitler's scotch.

because i'm a thinker.
and a drinker.

2. drove towards this the other night.  
i was into it.
it's probably pollution.

3.  baby emilia came to hang out the other night.  shitler is clearly boring her.

4. there aren't many words for this picture.  except he's a douche.

5. to spare everyone from the obligatory, lame thanksgiving pictures of everyone being thankful i'll give you this.

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Wednesday, November 21

happy november 23rd

i have a lot to do tonight.
like get drunk.

so i should get this blog crap out of the way since 
i'll be nursing both food and alcohol hangovers well into saturday.

happy day-before-thanksgiving.

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Tuesday, November 20

I Wish Netflix Would Stop Fucking With Me

the other week i decided to not be such a piece of shit with netflix and stop giving them hundreds of my dollars for one movie that i would keep for like six months.

rock 'n rolla - which we never watched and have had since june
get him to the greek - which we had for seven months and watched religiously
underworld: revolution - which we have had since june but i ended up watching it on demand and then still kept the netflix movie for an additional three weeks.

but the fucking buck stops here.
that's what i've decided.

so i went on to re-familiarize myself with all things netflix dvd and 
instant streaming and got slapped in the face with this:


it's like that game on sesame street where you guess which one of these things is not like the other.
only it looks like i'm highly obsessed with all things wrestling and i'm trying to mix in some classy shit with 
the tudors and downton abbey.  
but i don't remember watching any of these.  
but there's also a high probability that i was drunk and decided to watch the john cena experiment.

but who are we kidding?
this has shitler written all over.
i just get confused when i see the top picks for me and they're all bullshit wrestling shows.
and it makes me second-guess what i think i like.
like "maybe i do like these shows?"
and second-guessing mainly because i was drunk.
or am drunk.
or will be getting drunk.

are you netflix obsessed?
any bad ass recommendations?

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Friday, November 16

High Five 4 Friday

words can't describe how giddy i am that it's friday.
i mean seriously.

fucking finally.

so i'm linking up with lauren at from my desk to high five everyone in the world (that's a lie).


1. i made home-made pizza twice this week.  which is disastrous for my "diet."
don't judge me.
 2. these two dorks.  i see both daily and they love each other a lot.  like maybe i should be concerned.
georgia and shitler ya'll.

3. set some new alarms this week.  and if you're wondering - they haven't worked.

4. this guy.  and his "wanna bone" looks?  how can you even say no?

5. i ordered holiday cards this year because i won a bad ass giveaway from leah.  i'm going for the "super obnoxious" look with these cards.  so stay tuned.

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Thursday, November 15

Coffee Talk Installment 10

so it's thursday.  which means it's time for coffee talk.  which means it's time for natalie.
so answer nat's questions, grab the button, and link up.
do it because i told you to.

Coffee Talk with Natalie Blair

1. what is your worst habit?
oh god.  shitler would easily say my lack of follow-through.  
which is why he calls me a 3%'er (since i only do what i say i'm going to do 3% of the time).  
like i totally say that i'm going to do something and then just don't do it.
which extends to most everything i do.  chores.  laundry.  literally anything.

2. what is your biggest pet peeve?
people who groom themselves at work (i can hear you clipping your finger nails and it's fucking gross), whistling, spelling errors, having to pee, having to shower, general chores like laundry and cleaning, general stupidity, not having any pickles in the house, not being able to find any of the sixteen chap sticks i have, etc.
i feel like there's probably more.  oh, maybe a pet peeve could be knowing that you have more pet peeves but you just can't remember all the pet peeves at the moment that you really need to remember them?

3. what is annoying you right this very minute?
is it too general to say everything in the world?
actually - it would be this.
my dog is an asshole.
4. how do you relieve stress?
i hate to state the obvious.
5. what truly makes you happy?
ummm, can i just refer you to question four?  
but that's not limited to just boxed wine.  vodka also makes me happy.
also the internet.  that makes me happy.  because it contains pictures like this:
via cslacker
shitler is also pretty entertaining.  so that makes me happy.  and the couch makes me happy.  and not wearing pants.  and my dogs when they're not assholes.  and funny socks.
so i guess a lot makes me happy.

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Wednesday, November 14

it's tricky

sorry i'm not sorry if i've already showed you this video 8,000 times.
but you're welcome because it's hilarious.

so crank the volume (seriously) and watch this on a loop.

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Tuesday, November 13

i want a mulligan

remember that book alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day?

this one?

i wouldn't mind getting my hands on the book and photo shopping my face onto alexander's because it practically sums up my entire day so far and it's only half over.

like this:

what kind of day you ask?

it's a day filled with double the work and therefore triple the bullshit.  
like mainly other's people bullshit.  
and then you find yourself frantically trying to look in the mirror or check into various outlets that would have led people to believe that you give even a slight fuck.
but you don't see anything unusual and there isn't a "kick me" sign on your back.  
and you still don't give any fucks.
so you're confused.
and now you're angry.
because you don't care and people seem to think you do.  
and all you want to do is go home and surgically adhere yourself to the couch.
but then you look at the clock and realize the day is only half over.
and your phone is still ringing.
and the the death glares you're shooting at it aren't very effective.
and the mountain of work sitting on your desk hasn't magically shrunk.
and you're just day-dreaming of 4PM when your day will be over.
and then you remember that you've made a pact with yourself to go the gym like every, single day.
but going to the gym means being even angrier when you're on the elliptical next to the girl that did her makeup and dressed up to work out.
and then you catch yourself admiring her outfit.
and then you get even angrier when you realize that she has a fancy gym outfit.
and then you realize that your socks don't match.
which, in turn, reminds you of all the laundry that you haven't done.
but then the reminder of all the laundry reminds you of being at home which then makes you think about the couch.  that you're not on.
because you're still at work.
and still annoyed.
and still having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

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Monday, November 12

Weekend Recap - In Which Everything Kicked My Ass

so there it is.
vodka, $8 worth of hangover fluids, baby b, canine nonsense, shitler in waders, and leaves.
my weekend in a nutshell.

how was yours?

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