attention party people

if you're familiar with this blog then you probably know that in preparation for my wedding in may i promptly stopped drinking and eating for a majority of four months leading up to the wedding.  and then even when i was in mexico i worked out in the mornings before the actual day.  mostly because i didn't want to bloat to an unheard of level and not be able to fit into my dress and then look like semi-dolled up trash in my wedding pictures for all of eternity.  but then after the wedding i was like "fuck everything GIMME ALL THE CARBS" and i ditched the gym because whatever i have nothing to aspire to anymore (sucks to be you shitler).  so i went on a gym and healthy eating sabbatical for like a month and a half following the wedding and then yesterday morning, for some odd reason, got on the scale and then immediately packed my gym bag.  because, while it wasn't like a horrible number, it was definitely one that i didn't really ever want to see again.  so that's where i'm at.  back to attempting to eat and drink in a more respectable fashion.  except for last night.  because i totally went to the gym but then came home and ate some woven squares (basically budget triscuits), and then cheesecake at my grandparent's house, and then also some taco bell.  so out of the gate i majorly failed but it's like kind of ok because i did go to the gym.  but i also forgot that i ate some apple cinnamon panera muffin that might have actually come directly from heaven.  i can't be sure.
but anyway.  the point is that i'm going back to the gym tonight.  and hopefully tomorrow morning.  because we're having a celebration of sorts for all the party people that couldn't make it to mexico.  and between the black out punch i'm making for said party this weekend and also all the food i'm going to be eating i'm almost certain that things are going to get out of control.  like out of control scale wise.  so i should definitely at least try to go on a preemptive gym strike.
so also you guys are all invited.  like if you want to book a quick ticket to wisconsin or like leave your job right now and start the road trip you would most certainly be welcome.  we can get some tents for you to sleep in.
there's also a couple of boats that you could probably pass out in.  and whoever dibs sleeping in bed with me first can totally do so but you have to big spoon me.  that's non-negotiable.
so if you like pulled pork sandwiches, black out punch, and live music then you should come to my party.  just RSVP first please.
also.  if i had to describe exactly how i'm feeling right now in one picture it would be this:

also, also i'm sorry this post was all over the place but i just wanted to say that i'm excited for this party but i'm not excited by the number i saw on the scale and as a result i'm certainly not excited for the gym time in my near future.
p.s. if you're coming to my party and was in the market to get me a gift i need you to get me darth vader cat. nothing would make me happier.  #MayTheFourthBeWithYou p.p.s. i'll link up with whit because obviously.

why don't i photograph weddings for a living?

i should have done this thing where i got an early start on the gazillion pictures i have from the wedding we went to this weekend.  but like "hi my name is shannon and procrastination is my thing and also laziness."  and mainly when i started going through all the pictures i realized the immense undertaking it was and also i couldn't stop laughing which led to coughing which led to me wanting to lay on the couch and rest.  and by rest i mean watch hours of revenge and compulsively check my fantasy football leagues.
but i digress.  because the task at hand is far more important than my yammering on about how useless i am. so shitler's gorge-ina cousin got married this weekend. ms. cassandra jo was like BEYOND pretty and i thought about punching her in her stupid pretty face on more than one occasion but like blue and purple totally weren't her wedding colors so i refrained.
so basically what's going to happen is that i'm going to cram all these photos down your throat while intermittently talking about them.   and this is just installment one.  with the camera that takes all the nice photos but these people manage to make everything look un-nice in the best possible way.

^^ WHY ARE YOU SO PRETTY CASSANDRA!? ^^

naturally there's always just a lot of general debauchery that goes on whenever there's a shitler-side-of-the-wedding that happens.

things escalated when shitler decided it was time for that pesky long-sleeved shirt to come off. 

and then shitler decided it was time to channel a serial killer.

and then obviously the groom/bride and her brother danced their faces off.

but shitler was not to be about to be out-done.

i'm thinking of starting my own business.

one in which you hire me to capture all the nonsense at your wedding and then like you can also hire shitler to behave like a raving lunatic/dance machine at your reception.

because who really wants the "beautiful" moments when you can have the most ridiculous ones?

we'd be unstoppable.

call us.

p.s. linking up sami.  and whatever there aren't a lot of words.

p.p.s.  blow me.

boats and hoes: a splash of summer in these dark winter days

it's a marathon.  not a sprint.
the tie up, that is.
it's important to remember that when attending the annual okauchee lake tie up.  
but i suppose it's difficult to hold to that when you start with this:

and i'll be honest when i say just looking at this makes my liver hurt.  
but then smile fondly.

so for mainly for my sanity during these insane sub-zero winter days let's revisit the tie up.

 

and every day i'm reminding that the internet is a fantastic place.  
because if you want to see nasty, dirty style photos of the tie up - you can.
so here's a taste:

via - i'm not sure.  it's just not mine.  let me know if it's yours.

i suggest everyone go to something like this.
for research purposes.

and blog material.

p.s.

a lot of people sprinted.

that saying about good intentions, and the road to hell, and paving

my weekend began with the best of intentions.
like when i told samm "i'm gonna try really hard to not drink this weekend."
and then she just cackled in response.
i was productive as shit on saturday  morning and then worked.
and that's where things went awry.
because you tell yourself that you're not going to get drunk and then all of the sudden it's
3AM and you realize you've just photographed an all-male dance party.

so i failed.  miserably.
please see below.

a dubstep christmas?

QUICK.
an xmas breakdown.

1. nothing says "happy holidays" like shots of whiskey.
2. any alcohol related gift is the best kind of gift.
3. dubstep dance party.  news flash - i still don't know what dubstep is.
4. yes, that one gentleman cousin of mine is wearing jorts.
5. double yes, that's my adult juice box.

it's tricky

sorry i'm not sorry if i've already showed you this video 8,000 times.
but you're welcome because it's hilarious.

so crank the volume (seriously) and watch this on a loop.

Boats and Hoes: Installment 1: The Tame Version

i'm going to be honest about the tie-up.
it's a shit show.  
a goddamn shit show.


and one year that i went - i almost died.  
not even kidding.
i may have been a tiny bit wasted while treading water when a large man canon-balled on top of me causing me to crack my skull on the underside of the boat. where i may have blacked out.  and then was hoisted out of the water by some nice gentlemen while a group of gawking fellow drunks looked on hoping that i didn't drown.  and then i collapsed back at the house and ate shit into a pile of rocks.  i was battered and bruised.
but this year i vowed that it would be different.  that i would redeem myself.  and i'd like to think that i did.
but in an effort to string you along - i'm just submitting some subdued photos and a video.
because tomorrow's post has got the good shit.  like thongs, and packages, and hot chicks, and gratuitous water sex.
you're welcome.

and may i just preface this video with the fact that it was only noon at this point and got progressively worse and worse.