because friday

sometimes a friday comes around and it's different than other fridays. and it's because you don't have to work your second job and it's not because you have shitloads of crap to do that you have off from your second job but it's because you decided that you just wanted to be able to go out to dinner on a friday night with the rest of the world that doesn't have to work at a restaurant and you're going to enjoy the shit out of it.  and then, since you're lazy and you'll probably eat too much, you'll go straight home after said dinner and watch eight hours of sons of anarchy and rock back and forth while you weep because it's so emotionally overwhelming that your tiny woman brain can barely handle it.  and then you'll follow it up by watching the voice because then you can have a healthy weep session where you thank the lord there are truly talented people in the world (though you're still harboring a deep seated resentment that you received no such talent).  and this entire time you will be rocking really perfectly curled hair that almost never happens.  and then you'll also go to the gym friday, saturday, and sunday and you will realize that you've gone to the gym every single day for the last two weeks and you will be impressed with yourself.  but not so impressed that you throw yourself a damn party where only you're invited and you get too drunk because you have calories that you need to save to eat pizza on saturday night and carrot cake pancakes on sunday morning and then will have to packer fan indulge after that and then be so exhausted you'll nap from 3PM till when you have to wake up for work on monday morning.
and just so we're clear this entire post was me telling you what i'm going to be doing this weekend.
other things i did this week: 1.  bought a blanket scarf  because ashten. 2.  tried shakeology for the first time because of samantha (and no there's no post that i know of that's shakeology related but i just like her blog).  oh wait i just searched her blog and ya there's totally a post and here it is.  it's HERE. 3.  had some really in depth g.chat conversations with lindsay about food.  basically just food porn. 4.  had my life changed when samm told me that there are bravo emoticons. #twirl 5.  harrassed faith because she's been posting lasagna spaghetti squash pictures and has yet to fork over the recipe so that i can cram it down my gullet.
and also because a post is boring without a picture here's one from last tuesday that murders my uterus every time i look at it.

happy weekend'ing, you hoes! what's on your docket?

get you some. or at least one.

hey girls heyyyyyyy. happy wednesday to you and yours. and yours can be whoever you want it to be. sometimes, in my mind, i'm really married to jeremy piven (ari gold) and not shitler. but that's neither here nor there because there are two things i love a lot in life.  wine and shitler. so when whitney was all "hey whore, look at this" and showed me the newest #IWYP shirt for the month i died a few tiny, happy deaths because it's like it borderline spoke to my soul.  and when it arrived it was wrapped in golden deliciousness and a most delightful note.

and the shirt was even more magical than the note.

but then i was like "i don't enjoy having pictures taken of myself."  and then i was all "self, who do you know that will shamelessly let you photos of them in the most ridiculous of situations?"

and then i was like "OMG SELF - YOUR HUSBAND.  THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!"
and then i was like "shitler - put this on.  just put this on and don't fight it."
and at first he fought it a bit and looked less than enthusiastic about the whole thing.

and then i was like "OMG I'M NOT WATERBOARDING YOU, QUIT LOOKING SO MISERABLE YOU FUCK."

but then it seemed like he really came into his own.

like was all "how would a blogger model this?"  and then he nailed the typical fashion blogger pose where they stare off into the distance looking at nothing and acting like they're too good for whoever they conned into taking pictures of them.

and i think that maybe the best thing about this shirt (besides the obviously lovely slogan) is that it really accentuates shitler's chest hair and he very clearly loves to sip on things so it just encompasses everything he's about.  which is chest hair and sipping beverages.

and then in the middle of me trying to coax something other than obvious disdain for me and what i was trying to encourage him to do it was like shitler had an epiphany and he was all "WWTBD?!"  which, for you losers that don't know, means "what would tyra banks do?"  and then he turned to the camera and smized so hard, giving me full H2T (head to toe), and fucking nailed it.

but seriously.

you should buy the shirt.  because it's delightfully comfortable.  the message is legit.  and also sparkles.

so you totally hit up the whitney's blog and get you one.

and you should do it right meow.  because today is the last day to get you one.

and then you'll be up shit creek without a paddle.

so go ahead and click here.

and also if you're interested in seeing what the shirt looks like on someone non-shitler then voila.

i like to win the good things

so lots of times i see bloggers talking about how much they love the blog world and then like all the reasons why and for me most of those reasons are uber cheesy because they're all "ZOMG SO MUCH SUPPORT AND POSITIVITY" and i'm just over here ruminating in a hate stew at all the things.
but sometimes you go to the twat (twitter for those that don't know) and tweet something like "hey i'm at the bookstore and someone should probably go ahead and tell me what book i should read next."  and then you get a response that changes your life because someone suggests the fault in our stars.  but then that same person is there the next time you need a book suggestion.  and then even though you already went and did as they gently suggested and read eleanor & park they still remember you when they decide to do a blog giveaway that consists of books, and dvds, and music, and gift cards for books and they give you a heads up.  but then even better because like all your dreams come true and you win said giveaway.
so may i just introduce jenn from quirky pickings and LOOK IT'S XMAS EARLY.

but seriously jenn is THE best and has THE best giveaways.  in fact - she has one going on right now so you should probably head over there and enter.  because i'm fixing to win again.
QUIRKY PICKINGS - CLICK THIS LINK.

p.s. i didn't win dog doppelgangers.  just thought i should clear that up.

in the very near future

once upon a time i blogged on a semi-regular basis. that time is not right now.  whoops.
so today i'm going to take a moment to tell you about the upcoming things you'll be seeing round these parts.
1// i think the world should be slightly frightened when samm and i get to brainstorming.  it's just that we, as two terrible human beings, really draw out the best (and by best i mean worst) in each other.  just recently we got to talking and then designing and then creating and hopefully by december 1st we'll be able to deliver an early x-mas present to the world.  pray for us.  and our follow-through.
2// i'm writing my first-ish sponsor post.  it's about tampons.  so far i have like two paragraphs written and then it dawned on me that it covers none of the required content.  so basically i'm super talented.  and good at following directions.  but tampons are important.  so be on the look-out for that next week.
3// remember that time i talked about not being a fat ass?  and also about holding myself accountable?  while i didn't fall off the wagon, per se, i'm definitely not like all the way following through.  so that should hopefully change.  if not next week then for the week after.
4// one time i got super drunk and decided i should offer paid sponsorships on my blog.  then i proceeded to forget all about it.  until two people bought those spots.  and then i was super confused.  and then i had to go read my sponsorship options.  and then i had a nervous breakdown.  so thanks helene and nikki for being patient.  it's happening.  i swear.  and in the meantime i extended your time on my sidebar on account of my inherent remedial-ness.
5// my dogs still have fleas.  i wrote about it here.  and as if i wasn't a big enough whack job as it is their constant presence and perseverance in the face of all i have tried to do to murder them (the fleas, not my dogs) is pushing me further and further into a black hole of despair and insanity.  ask whit - she gets it.  but so i called my vet - to like ask her opinion on flea bomb related foggers for the home.  and she recommended against it.  because of the chemicals.  and now she probably thinks i'm a terrible fur-mom because i was all "LOOK LADY CAN I ORDER EXTRA CHEMICALS IN MY FLEA BOMBS BECAUSE I'M DESPERATE AND ON SO THE BRINK OF A FLEA BREAKDOWN THAT I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE CHEMICALS.  GIVE ME AN EXTRA HELPING OF CHEMICALS.  THEY WON'T DIE (the fleas, not my dogs)."
6// i'm going with shitler to some sort of gun range on sunday.  he needs to do something with his rifle before he embarks on his war on deer.  i'm in the mood to shoot guns so he better hand it over to me when he's done sighting in that gun of his (in my mind that sounds dirty and i like it).
also this picture from our mexican adventure last year. i added song lyrics.  because i can.  and it's shitler's favorite dave song "pig" so it seemed appropriate.

and also let us #backthatazzup

with whit.

k BYE.

a compilation of sorts

i think besides the couch the internet is the place where i want to spend mostly all my time. thankfully i can almost always do the whole two birds, one stone thing. so i thought that today i would bring you a few things i'm obsessing over. and also a look into how i categorize things in my brain.

people's children i want to kidnap:

• little e and samson - basically just a blog i visit on the daily when i want to feel better about myself.
  or worse.
• ALL of casey's because hello DUH.

p.s. i'm not actually going to kidnap your children.  i mean at least probably not.

people i would like to skin and wear:

• stupid nicholl and her stupid prettiness like all the damn time.
• jenni.  obviously.  also i want her dogs.

if i had to be knocked up i would want it to look just like this:

• kate.  HI-YOUR-BUMP-IS-ADORBS.

people's cats i would commit a felony trying to acquire:

• GIMME YOUR CATZ LAUREN.
• and tiff - you just know me and Ms. JMeoww would shut shit down.

people i would punch other people in the throat for:

• samm.  for all the obvious reasons - the most glaringly obvious being we're soul mates.
• shitler.  that d-bag doesn't have a blog (obviously).  but i would punch so many people in the throat for him if they tried to fuck with him.  mainly because fucking with him is my job and nobody better try to take that from me.

people i so desperately need to binge drink with:

• whit.  because i need to be challenged.
• mac.  or should i say rose...

people who are so smart that i hate them, kind of:

• TY.  STOP IT.  kidding.  don't ever stop.  plus - i just want you to talk lawyer to me.
• lisa.  that hoe writes and she writes well.

squirrels i need in my life like yesterday:

almost like brandi glanville's new vagina except eddie didn't pay for this

i want to start with the above picture.

and be all - #newbeginnings #footprints

inspirational shit.  you get it.  because we're turning over #newleaves or whatever.

new blog look.  do you like?  i hope so.

because my lady-friend sarah of the HI-larious venus trapped in mars hooked.it.up.

i mean - the glitter and the loveliness?  i just can't get enough.

so you can tell me how much you love it (and sarah too).

because now there's a disclaimer.  and and a new about me.

and also a section where you can read all my shit posts (which i haven't categorized yet so relax).

but in the event you hate everything about it you can yell at my vagina.  

it's ok - i give you permission.  shitler does it all the time.

      

p.s. props to samm on the clever blog title.  my girl always comes through in the clutch.

new drinks, new directions

allright ya'll.
it's time for this blog to get a makeover.
so bare with me - as there is a new URL 
and the blog will officially be under fucking construction for awhile.

update my URL to the new one - www.ginandbareit.com
and if you need to reach me you can at shannon@ginandbareit.com

in the meantime - just do what i do.  
and start drinking.

Coffee Talk Installment 2

thursday means it's time for coffee talk with nat over at natalie blair.
she asks some questions.  
you answer them.
grab the button.
then link up.

do it.do it.do it.


1. what is your favorite kind of coffee?  iced?  hot?  frappe?  or are you tea kind of person?
uhh duh.  iced.  
only because i'm incredibly fucking impatient and i don't like having to wait for hot coffee to cool down.

2. what is your dream computer/laptop?  and what kind are you using now?
i think i would like something like this:

via neon punch

something with a screen so large that i could watch porn and let everyone else in the background behind me enjoy it as well. plus it looks sleek and seems like it should be in a spaceship.  and i love spaceships.  currently, i'm rocking a laptop.  a gateway.  it's name is the barnacle.

3. have you ever regretted a blog post?  what did you say?
i haven't.  what's the point?  if someone doesn't like my shit - then don't fucking read it.

4. what is your favorite book?
worst.question.ever.  because there's too many.  anything by gillian flynn. i.e. sharp objects, dark places, gone girl.  a tree grows in brooklynn.  invisible monsters.  gone with the wind.  lolita.
ok, i'll stop.  i could go on forever.

5. what's in your bag (pictures too please)?
everything in the world.  at least i'd like to think.  

currently - three books, two sets of headphones, a charger, two wallets, a pair of underwear, vitamins, cough drops, night-time sinus medicine, six chapsticks, two lotions, body spray, various garbage receipts, etc.  i could go on and on.  because it's a fucking war zone in there.

p.s. i didn't feel like taking a picture of all the shit inside my purse.  but here's a post i did about its contents once.  nothing has really changed.  except i took the bread out.

Textual Feeling: You Must Pay The Toll

it's been awhile since this happened.  
so boom - here's a conversation with b that centered around whether or not he could come over and watch redzone.

me: you can come over tomorrow.  i've decided.
b: ok.  do i need to bring anything?
me: i don't even care.
b: whoa.  what's with the combativeness?
me: it's mainly ambivalence.
b: i should have known.
me: actually, can you please bring me three orange gatorades.  thanks.
b: i will see what i can come up with.
me: and tortilla chips.
me: and vodka.  because we drank all the vodka last night.
b: anything else your highness?
me: a little less attitude would be nice.  and bacon.
b: out of those four things - pick the two you really want.
me: i want them all.

Coffee Talk Installment 1

i enjoy link ups and natalie.  so when she emailed me to tell me about her new link up she was starting i thought "why the fuck not?"  so the point is to answer the five questions that nat asks every week and then go ahead and link up to her each thursday.

here are her five question for this week.

1. it's finally fall!!  what are you looking forward to this year?
this.  all day sunday.  quad box in my face.

2. what fall item is in your closet that you can't wait to pull out?

ha, the question asks what i want to pull out.  i can't help but laugh.  but in all seriousness.  sweatshirts.  and giant, baggy sweaters.  anything i can drown in.

3. since halloween is is the first holiday to be celebrated, we all get treated to a horror movie marathon all month long...what is your favorite scary movie to watch?

the original nightmare on elm street, for sure.  amityville horror with ryan reynolds.  i'd let him axe-murder me; he's that damn hot.  and it might not a horror movie - but i'll take sjp as a deranged witch any day in hocus pocus.

4. what is your favorite fall treat (recipes welcome)?

toasted pumpkin seeds; all day, everyday.  plus, you can never go wrong with chili and i will have to give big ups to shitler since makes a mean beef stew.

5. Now that summer is finally over, what will you miss most about it?

definitely not being able to just float on the lake with a cocktail.  there's nothing better.  i'd also have to say that being back at the part-time job isn't all that exciting.  and general lounging out on the porch with pals (at home or the bar).

so there ya'll have it.  the first installment of coffee talk.  if you feel so inclined you should go and do likewise.

Because You're Only Cool If You Take Pictures Of Me Peeing In The Lake

in no particular order - this was my weekend.

and i'm exhausted.

Random Shit That Made Me Happy

in the form of three pictures.

[caption id="attachment_1690" align="aligncenter" width="1024" caption="my sparkly nails. and vodka."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1691" align="aligncenter" width="1024" caption="these flowers that i bought for myself and my inconveniently sized vases."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1692" align="aligncenter" width="481" caption="my new fucking glasses. finally."][/caption]

that is all.

Rape? Really?

this will be quick.  and questionable.

like most of my life.

i was looking at my stats and shit for this blog.  here's a snapshot of search engine terms that bring people to my blog:

[caption id="attachment_1681" align="aligncenter" width="764" caption="uhhhh."][/caption]

interesting.  and eclectic. 

the only thing that i have a question about is the "anticipated rape."
mainly because i don't get it.
can you anticipate rape? 

i do like that "charles manson" is right beneath it.

call me crazy.