Thursday, October 24

i do declare

why hello slut-puppies.

it is i (me?) - shannon.  whichever.  you get it.  i'm here.

this post really isn't going to have much of substance other than me officially announcing and dedicating an entire post to the fact that the buck will stop here.  and that buck being my jiggly, fat ass.
without being one of those fucking freakwad chicks who only talk about, ZOMG THEIR WEDDING once they get engaged, i just need to highlight to the world that there's like six months till i will forever (hopefully) be mrs. shitler and i'd rather not have to look at my wedding pictures for the rest of my life and lament about how chubby i was.  

p.s. i have my wedding dress that i ordered online and i haven't even tried it on because i'm afraid that i'm too giant to fit into it.  HELP ME MY BRAIN DOESN'T WORK.

so basically i have a plan.  kind of.  because i'm also really bad at plans and follow through.
i really wish it were as easy as i was musing about yesterday when it came to working out.
but anyway.  things too look forward to include but are not limited to:
  • me not revealing my starting weight.  god no.  big ups if people are crazy enough to do that but i won't even let shitler know my weight so there's not a fat fucking chance i'm going to tell you internet people.
  • hangry rating (obviously).
  • one post a week that's diet and exercise related.  relax - that's for me.  you totally don't have to read it if you don't want and i want even blame you because that shit is lame.  but i'll probably post it on a sunday so when you guys have better things to do be doing (like living life) you can readily avoid it.
  • goal setting - GASP OMG I KNOW WTF ARE THOSE.  i figure i should have some.  like small ones.
  • rewards for mehself.  because i'll also deserve gifts i bought myself if i achieve even the most minor of goals.  thank you regina george.
  •  photo tumblr_lpjax4ZBKm1qee6wmo1_250_zps56aeee2d.gif

so that's really what this post is about.  me telling you that i'm going on a diet for this fucking bullshit upcoming wedding.  and also that i'm going to need some help to keep me accountable.  like stand by for frantic texts needing you to tell me to put down the carbs.  because if this doesn't work i'm going to have to resort to illegal diet pills and laxatives.  and i feel like that could messy.  ew.

also this will be my life from now on.


post signature

28 comments

  1. as a former heffer, progress pics do wonders. you don't have to post them on the interwebz but just for yourself. take initial measurements and initial pictures and only then are you are allowed to weep. when you've managed to pull yourself together after that trauma, put them away and forget about them. then put your plan in place, whatever that may be - eat clean/exercise - whatever your plan is.

    30 days later, pull those pics/measurements back out and remeasure/take another set of photos. same poses and wearing the same clothes. you'll slowly see a change happening and trust when i say that progress pics and measurement changes ARE A HUGE MOTIVATOR to keep going....because if you only look at the scale to judge progress, you will want to slit your wrists EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU STEP ON THAT LYING BITCH. DO NOT USE THE SCALE.

    that said, let me know if you need help. i had a major addiction to everything - junk, mcdonalds, processed goodness and basically anything that exploded flavor in my mouth. weaning yourself from that shit is HARD so if you need help, let me know. and post your journey please! i love people's fitness journeys.


    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kathy - girl, you have never been a heffer.

      Delete
    2. correction. heifer.

      love you bitches anyways.

      Delete
    3. other correction: shut your piehole.

      love youuuuss! :D

      Delete
    4. HAHAHA. love this whole exchange.

      Delete
  2. Greetings Shannon! Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials and best of luck with the diet! At least you have a great reason to be on one :) I on the other hand, am a failure with dietary restrictions -- I dislike depriving my body of bacon, pasta, ice cream, and/or whiskey/scotch.. it just seem so.. cruel! Have a great day and thank God tomorrow is Friday - Iva

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  3. good luck- I am a fellow heffer. I was actually not asked to me in my own brothers wedding because his wife thinks I am to fat (I also just had a baby 4 months ago). Anyway. I have confidence in you I know you can do this. Track your food intake, that is what helps me. I use to write it down but then I go an app, I believe it's myfitnesspal.

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  4. maybe between your posts and faith's i'll actually be inspired to get off my fat ass and do something about it

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  5. You can do it! I lost 15 lbs for my wedding using weight watchers. There are free point calculators out there too. It helped me because my brain doesn't understand the caloric difference between 1 cookie and a dozen. Also I could eat whatever I wanted, just in moderation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG that's how your brain works too? does that mean there's something wrong with it?
      where are these free points calculators? mainly i just don't want to pay for weight watchers.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. I'm all in. I do weight watchers but NO ONE is close to my age!

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    2. GIRLS. the gang. let's start the gang.

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  7. Hey I'm right there with you! I need to lose too! We can be text buddies and help each other, because dear god do I need some help!

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  8. i am a whopping, FAT-ASSED one hundred sixty-three pounds. in case you needed some solidarity or something. and i keep telling myself to quit drinking the damned dr. peppers and coca-colas, but... i'm not getting hitched in six months, so... you tell me how many of those you want to drink in a day, and i'll take care of that for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. also, my sister-in-law and brother are fond of that my fitness pal (or whatever it's called) app.

      Delete
  9. dude. dude. props.
    I'd say go the unhealthy route and just not eat cause apparently that works. this weekend I shall throw a party and bare my tummah and I've been living off like kit kats and snickers and I lost 8 pounds since Sunday. Don't ask me how, I'm just sayin it might not suck to live off chocolate bars

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  10. cardio my friend. so hop on shitlers dick and ride that shit to funky town.

    or just get on that derre treadmill, jog a bit. water. no red meat. no soda. limit coffee. and smoke a bunch of cigarettes. oh.. and no more eating after 7. that shit goes straight to your ass.

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  11. IS BUTTER A CARB????????????????????

    had to..

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  12. SO hard. Good for you! I lost 25 pounds not by changing how much I eat but by changing WHAT I eat (sorry, McDonald's... it's not you, it's me). 90% of the time I'm on the wagon, 10% of the time I'm not... it's what works for me.

    VoyageOfTheMeeMee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i like the way you think. i don't think it's realistic for me to cut out any ONE thing for the rest of my life. basically i think it's just cruel.

      Delete
  13. Girl you can doooo it!!! Watching Netflix while doing cardio makes it go by so much quicker! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  14. As per Rob Schneider: YOU CAN DO EEEET!

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c'mon.
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