Monday, October 7

dear tom brady

dear tom brady,
fuck you.  no really.  i stood a fighting chance had you simply decided to be a bit more present in yesterday's game.  instead you did nothing but get me negative points and cause me to internally rage.  i know you have a lot going on in your life.  i can only imagine your love of gisele, ugg boots, your children, and now apparently turtlenecks can be overwhelming and hard to juggle but i'm going to need you to do your job.  and that job is throwing mother f'ing touchdowns and getting me monster fantasy points.
you're stuck with me tom.  so i'm going to need you to nut the fuck up for next week's game because week five was just garbage.  are we clear, tom?
shit like this will simply not do.
god it just makes my brain explode TOM BRADY.  does it make your brain explode?  i sure hope so because that was quite the poor showing.  you get paid an annoying amount of money to do one thing - THROW TOUCHDOWNS.  so get it together and do so.  please and thank you.

shannon aka one seriously pissed off fantasy owner

p.s. you better hope my kicker gets like 45 points tonight tom brady.  or else.

anyway.  now that that's out of the way.  tom brady just takes me to a level that i don't like to stoop to but it was necessary.  he's not going to get that tough love anywhere else but right here.  so he should really thank me.
with like a check.  for a lot of money.

how are all of you kids doing?
super i hope.
aside from the train wreck that was tom brady yesterday my weekend wasn't altogether that terrible.
i read a book.  mindy kaling's book actually.  she has a really great section on "best friend rights and responsibilities" that is truly a must-read.  this is the best quote about best friends.  ever.

then the packers won (even better because they beat the lions).  and i got to play with a kitten.
and the tom brady bullshit aside if every weekend included the packers winning and just a bunch of kittens i think i would be the happiest person alive.  
like in the history of the universe.

but that's it.  that's all i did.
whatever.  it's sami time.
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  1. That precious kitten just almost erases all of the Tom Brady turtleneck wearing shit! haha

  2. This Tom Brady rant was very therapeutic for me. You know why.

  3. Tom Brady is the biggest fucker out there and I watch his games solely to cheer against him.

    Also, I love her book. I like her rant to divorced people about how some of us still believe in marriage and they need to pull their shit together.

  4. As a Pats fan, I was mad too. Sorry he let you down. And love Mindy Kaling's book!

  5. Ugh...I have him on my team too. Took a total shit yesterday!! And of course, I had Eli sitting on my bench because he has also sucked this year and just decided yesterday was finally a good day to play football.

  6. That was such an ugly game!! Hoping they will come back next week and kill it! Kitties make every day better!!

  7. When I returned home from a weekend away and jmeoww instantly tried to kill me and made me spill a much needed beer all over my fabulous fucking dress, I showed her that kitten and told her that I was trading her in.

  8. that's our team and needless to say i got an earful from one seriously pissed off hubs last night. like i thought he was gonna throw his dinner plate at the tv. i wouldn't blame him, but i like my tv

  9. Can we talk about the fact that I started out the season gloatinh because I had Tom Brady? And he's been on my bench for 3 weeks. Sigh.

  10. its ok, my defense shit it up with -3.5 points. NOT COOL BRONCOS.

  11. That kitten is so damn cute I can't stand it. Please box it up and send it to me asap.

  12. OMMGGGG that kitten looks just like my cat! Except little and precious and less evil than my cat is these days.

  13. i would say something football educated and funny, but i got nothing. I love that quote, need to read that book.

    1. READ IT.

      and no matter what you say i think you're educated and funny because i like you in an unhealthy way.

  14. That book has been on my list and it just got moved to the top! I didn't play fantasy this year and I have kind of missed it. It keeps me more engaged. But Tom Brady is a douche.

  15. I feel your fantasy football team. Fuck. This. Shit.

  16. Didn't he look like such a douche??? I'm not a big fan of him anyway. He's a crybaby.


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