DMX Is In Couples Therapy.

here i sit.  it's not 5 o'clock and i've polished off the last of the open bottle of champagne, painted my nails with sparkly polish, and eaten too many champagne cupcakes.

and it feels good.
like i was meant to do this.

but more importantly - everyone needs to make these goddamn cupcakes.
they're delicious.

i'm no professional and my process is the worst - where i destroy everything in my path until my end goal.



but they were perfection.

[caption id="attachment_1665" align="aligncenter" width="1024" caption="pink and perfect."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1666" align="aligncenter" width="1024" caption="my attempt at decorating leaves something to be desired."][/caption]

the champagne i've been drinking all afternoon was mediocre.  but it looked lonely - like it needed someone to drink it.  so i did.

[caption id="attachment_1669" align="aligncenter" width="764" caption="my cuticles are gross."][/caption]

here's the recipe for those delicious fucking cupcakes.  oh, and here's the link - so you can see how they were actually supposed to look.

champagne cupcakes

1 box betty crocker super moist white cake mix
1 1/4 c. champagne
1/3 c. vegetable oil
3 egg whites
4-5 drops of red/pink food coloring

champagne frosting

1/2 c. butter or margarine, softened
4 c. powdered sugar
1/4 c. champagne
1 tsp. vanilla
4-5 drops red or pink food coloring

heat oven to 350.  place baking cup in each of 24 regular muffin cups.  in a large bowl, mix dry cake mix and champagne.  add oil, egg whites, and food coloring.  beat with electric mixer on medium speed.  divide evenly among the muffin cups.  bake for 17-22 minutes.  cool completely.  in a medium bowl, beat frosting ingredients with a mixer until smooth.  frost cupcakes.  sprinkle with garnishes!

also i'm watching tough love and some twat just told a dude that she likes vodka in her wine.  my kind of lady. 

and seriously.  dmx is in couples therapy.  i know this because i've been watching vh1 all afternoon. 

and that's how you know you've watched too much vh1.

Thank You, Mrs. Seinfeld

seriously.

thank you, mrs. seinfeld - for these fucking cookies.  because they're delicious.  deceptively so.  check out her site here.




just ask shitler - who balked when he saw me dump a can of these into the mixer:



so, you should totally make them.  and then eat enough to make you want to kill yourself because your stomach hurts so bad.

ingredients:

• nonstick cooking spray


• 1 c. firmly packed light brown sugar


• 3/4 margarine spread


• 2 large egg whites


• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract


• 1 (15 oz) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed


• 2 c. semisweet chocolate chips


• 2 c. flour


• 1/2 c. old-fashioned oats


• 1 teaspoon baking soda


• 1/4 teaspoon salt

directions:

1. preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  coat a baking sheet with cooking spray.
2. in a large bowl or mixer bowl, beat the sugar and margarine until smooth.  beat in the egg whites and vanilla, then the chickpeas and chocolate chips.  add the flour, oats, baking soda, and salt, and mix on low speed until thick dough forms.
3. drop the dough by the tablespoon onto the baking sheet, spacing the cookies about 2 inches apart.  press gently with a fork to flatten.  bake until the cookies are golden brown, 11-13 minutes (i did mine for 13).  transfer to a rack to cool.



this creep stared at the whole time.  while shitler watched HIMYM.



and then we had fucking chicken patty sandwiches like we were back in high school.