assholes on a plane

going to and from mexico were two of the worst experiences of my life.  like ever.  like i had a migraine.  and my nose was assaulted by terrible, terrible smells and then terrible, terrible people.  like maybe i should have requested that responsibility to man the emergency door and then i could have taken matters into my own hands and just fucking bailed on the flight.

but i didn't.
so here are three things i learned while traveling to and from mexico.

1. do not, i repeat, do not bring smelly food on the plane.  
some delusional woman decided it would be appropriate to bring some sort of pita bread and stinky nuts into an enclosed space to share with her family and it made me want to claw my way out of the tiny plane window.

2. do not drink your fucking face off, then get picked up by the shuttle airport, and then fly to wherever your destination is.

for the record - that wasn't me.
and by the time the plane landed she was on her fourth barf bag.

3. if you're some washed-up-living-on-nostalgia-of-your-drunken-frat-boy-antics-from-ten-years-ago-piece-of-shit; just please don't be on the same flight as me.  because nobody cares about your stories, or your attitude, or your nonsense.

BUT - for blog purposes let's recap what i gleaned from this triplicate of douches.

josh has a wife named renee and a son named max and enjoys titty fucking.  chris got sued for defamation of character once (shocker).  this guys fishing trip is going to be fucking awesome.  women often ask josh to unzip his pants and if he was a single guy he'd fuck both those flight attendants.  they all like honest answers.  josh regrets not going on the alaska fishing trip but funds were tight.  chris may or may not be in the correct seat but they will be getting him a cornucopia.  they want to bring burritos back to the states and freeze them.  chris specializes in start up companies.  considered shot-gunning the bud lights they bought on the flight but decided to dial it back a bit.  they're going to catch some wicked and sinister fish.  their vocabulary still includes words like "epic" and "stellar" even though they're no longer college students living in some surf town.

so there we have it.  the first in a collection of posts about meh-hee-co.
brace yourself.