i can't even ever really spell pneumonia

if i had a white flag i would be waving it. because sickness won.  it won big time.
everything was coming up roses.  i joined a new (and better gym) albeit it a more expensive one and i totally went like almost every, single day.  even did a yoga class and didn't fart.  and my whole life (for a hot minute) felt like i was kicking ass and taking names.
and then last sunday i woke up with this weird dry cough that wouldn't quit.  and it's not like it was preventing me from really doing anything important but it was moreso cramping my style because it was annoying.  and then monday it was worse.  and on tuesday everything came crashing down.  because my cough had turned into something that wouldn't stop and often resulted in me gasping for breath and having intermittent panic attacks because it felt like at any moment the cough was going to suffocate me.  on wednesday i caved and went to the doctor and prayed that it would just be something that they could treat.  since i'm convinced there is nothing worse than having to pay out of the ass for a doctor's visit where they tell you it's viral and you should just drink a lot of water and rest (worst $100 ever spent).  so the doctor inspected me.  had me do deep breaths in and out (which sounded like my lung was whistling) and then told me not to freak out but that i had pneumonia in my left lung.  and then i was all "whatever doc - GIMME THE DRUGS.  MAKE ME BETTER."  so the good doctor prescribed a medication that has a high possibility of causing tendinitis and also two inhalers.  one of which, if i don't follow up with rinsing out my mouth properly, could cause me to get an oral yeast infection called "thrush."  but the risk is worth it because this shit is awful, thrush kind of sounds interesting, and for five consistent days i set up camp on the couch because shitler didn't want me in the bed and wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.
so anyway that was a super long drawn out way of saying that i was sick and that i didn't do anything but alternate between watching parenthood, sons of anarchy, and vampire diaries for like five straight days which could also be used to describe heaven but like sans the pneumonia.
mac and all of his sixty pounds of pain in my ass camped out on top of me for the majority of the time. AKA his heaven.

and also the internet is pretty boring when people are out not having pneumonia.

like you skanks were all out doing things and not posting things on various social media outlets so by default my like sucked  because your lives were awesome.

also this picture makes me laugh.

the only prescription is more cow bell. or funny cat pictures.

my life for the past week has consisted of OD'ing on various cold medicines and plowing through boxes of kleenex.
and then sometimes coughing so much i throw up the cold medicine i just took so then i have re-ingest the medicine.  last night i laid on the couch and drifted in and out of consciousness while watching pretty little liars until i decided to take enough nyquil to take down a goddamn elephant.  so basically things have been super awesome in my neck of the woods.

this is what i have surrounding me at all times of the day:

but in attempts to make myself feel better i've been looking at a lot of cats that look like hitler.
which doesn't really help my disgusting cold because they end up making me laugh, and then i choke on my own mucus, and then snot drips out of my nose, and then i get irrationally angry because shitler won't make out with me at that exact moment in time.
but this is my favorite cat that looks like hitler.

via

what do you do to make yourself 

feel better when you're sick?

High Five 4 Friday

so we've established that i make poor choices, correct?
correct.
like i was actually getting over a nasty stomach virus and instead of laying low and taking it easy on my stomach i ate nachos, tacos, and vodka last night.  and then some pizza for dessert.
for shame.
but it's friday - and if that doesn't cure what ails me then i don't know what will.
as always i'm linking up with lauren at from my grey desk.
1. b brought a cape back from the bar the other weekend.  so naturally shitler put it on.  now it's like he's a super hero.  barely.

2. some sick freak kept vandalizing my desk.  but the culprit came forward this week.  glory be!
also - it turns out i like the culprit.  so she's forgiven.

3. i spend a lot of time on twitter.  mainly lol'ing @OhMrWonka

4. we're back in business.  welcome home little boy booze!
yes, the name of our boat is little boy booze.  and yes, i'm aware that boats are supposed to be female.  and yes, i don't care.

5. and maybe you're a terrorist if you don't collectively "awwwww" with me over this.  

trixie bitch

i have this nagging feeling that there isn't enough coffee in the world to get me through today.
but we won't know until i try.and remember - the walrus sings at midnight.