Thursday, May 29

how much fun is too much fun?

so thursday, ya?  that's weird.  and also nice.
because, you know, short work weeks make just about everything better.
except coming off this holiday weekend where i spent my time getting drunk at a wedding, and then getting drunk on a boat, and then getting drunk-ish by a pool, and then getting really super wasted for my birthday and at one point i'm almost positive my liver cried "uncle" but i just disrespectfully ignored it and took another experimental tequila shot the bartender cooked up.  but that's neither here nor there.  because the boat day was one of those days where things didn't stop.  and from reviewing my pictures from that day it was just a lovely natural progression of drunken shenanigans.  and i thought i would share those with you.

early on shitler was giving lap dances and mounting things.  these types of things happen with little or no booze normally but usually quickly escalate when alcohol is added.  so naturally this picture should surprise no one.

boating all day is exhausting.  ask anyone.  but then you get even more tired when you spend a majority of a boating day blasting 90s jamz and singing along to every damn song and knowing that all the other boats are totally jealous because they can have their hardcore rap music that will eventually make everyone's ears bleed and you will gladly take things like the cranberries, savage garden, sophie b. hawkins, and any and all early boy band stuff.  and then your voice is hoarse and you realize that you'll need more drinks in order to lube it back up (please direct your mind to go directly to the gutter as that was my intention when i typed that sentence).  but you pause, mid-drink-making and snap an obligatory sunset picture.

and then you continue to drink around a bonfire.  but everyone gets tired and heads to bed.
and you're left to your own devices with shitler to commence the walk home (which is like six whole blocks).  but it's important that you stop half way at the bar in order to get a drink and stay hydrated.  and it's there at the bar that you're reminded how old you are because the music is loud and everyone there must have literally just turned twenty-one, and the way they're dancing is offensive to your eyes, and you're also convinced that had there been no clothing separating them that someone would have surely left the bar pregnant.  and then a man decides to stand so close to shitler that you're almost positive shitler is going to lose it right there in the bar.  and then another drunken young man offers shitler chips and salsa but he offers it to shitler by cramming the basket right into his face.  as in it's touching shitler's face and shitler says nothing and then the drunken boy slurs to you "he's going to kill me, isn't he?"  and then you just shrug and lol.

and then you decide to take leave of that bar because it's begun to make everything hurt.  like your whole body.  and you traipse drunkenly home.  and then something incredible happens.
by the grace of god someone has left a bathtub out on the side of the road.  and naturally you have to do nothing but hint at the fact that shitler should totally get in the bathtub and then he gets in the bathtub.  naturally.

and then you get home and straight pass the fuck out.  because you have had a big day.
also - one of those pictures wouldn't size to the way i wanted it for the life of me so it's just going to stay the way it is because i don't even care and also i have better things to do.
like not blog.

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  1. teach me your ways. after about five hours of drinking my body says NAP even though my heart says MORE BOOZE

  2. This is so awesome!!! It makes me not want to be old and have fun again LOL

  3. bahaha... what would have made it better was if there was a toilet next to that tub. I had fun times like that on the water this weekend too.... Happy Thursday!

  4. lolz. this hurts my liver just looking at it. actually I think I was hurting for you via snapchat as I saw each shot poured throughout these shenanigans.

  5. OMG this whole post is amazeballs. the end.

  6. You are truly an inspiration.

  7. I need to do this with you, just once in our lives.

  8. I just really want to hang out with you sometime.

  9. omg the bathtub. wtf wisconsin

  10. If that was me in that bathtub after this same exact day, you would have been returning in the morning to get me because I would have passed out then and there.


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