Wednesday, August 20

forgive me bill paxton

so monday morning i woke up at like 6AM (and just humor me because i didn't have to to work till noon so rude, right?).  and the only reason i woke up at 6AM is because i got pretty hammered sunday morning on screwdrivers and blind russians and then was passed out by 8PM that same night.  so when i woke up i felt fresh as a goddamn daisy and ready to take on the next six hours before i had to show up for four hours of work (which should be the new thing FYI.  only working like four hours a day but still getting paid for the full forty.  who do i talk to about making that happen?). 

but anyway.  i got up, drank coffee, ate a breakfast sandwich, swept the floors (which is pointless because there is a never ending supply of dog hair tumbleweeds forever drifting through the house),  did the dishes, watched so you think you can dance, painted my toenails, watched mistresses, and painted my fingernails.  and then it was only like 9AM and i was all "what should i do next?"  and naturally i turned to whatever tv show i can get on my roku.
and then i forgot that amazon prime had just hooked up with hbo and there were tons of legit shows that i never got to watch because i'm too poor to pay for hbo and i thought that i might as well start there.

so after cruising through all that was offered i ended up settling on big love.
understand that i'm a sucker/obsessed with anything to do with religion.  maybe it's because i majored in religious studies in college and since i'm not doing anything at all related to said major that sometimes it just becomes necessary for my brain to gobble up anything that has any sort of connection to any type of organized religion.  but i digress.
because big love.  and because like less than ten minutes in, and just a little after 9AM, did i find my eyes treated to a flashed shot of bill paxton's ball sac and then his naked ass.  and let the record show that i don't think any time of the day is ever appropriate for a shot, although it brief, of bill paxton's berries.  THIS IS BILL PAXTON (in case you forgot).

there are literally like a million more men i can think of that i would like a sac flash from.  but no - bill paxton in the morning is what i'm allowed.  rude.  but the point is that the show is based on a mormon family practicing polygamy.  and being only three episodes in there hasn't been too many religious aspects revealed (saved for the brief walk through of a tiny bit of their history) so i'm hoping that there ends up being more that i can get my grubby history and religion-loving paws on because YES I AM A NERD.

also i can't help but think that we should give kudos where kudos are due when it comes to polygamy.  whether you agree with it or not that shit looks difficult to juggle.  considering bill paxton has three wives, seven kids, and three different households to sort out on a daily basis - i certainly don't envy him.  sometimes shitler is pesty enough for like one whole hour so i can't imagine me having more than one spouse and sometimes the mutts are hard to wrangle so no thanks seven children.  and then i can't help but think that sometimes shitler thinks i'm hard enough to deal with so me X3 probably seems like some sort of nightmare to him.

and really i'm sorry that this post ended up being about all of this nonsense.
and it really only ended up being about this because i told shitler that i saw bill paxton's ball sac and he was like "what?  when?"  and then i wanted to be like "i'll never tell" and make it seem like maybe i saw bill paxton's sac in a more risque situation but i rarely leave the house so shitler would see right through me and so obviously this bill paxton sac situation has been on my mind since monday morning.

anyway.  this is where i leave you.


p.s. here's a bearded bill paxton

p.p.s. now i just want to watch all things bill paxton (and not because i'm hoping for sac shots) but because spy kids and also twister and hello those are great movies.  ok for reals now bye.

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  1. And please don't forget how awesome he was in Aliens... "Game over man, GAME OVER."
    Big Love was awesome especially when they get to the freaks on the compound.

  2. My favorite Bill Paxton movie is Weird Science where he plays Chet. Oh yes. You will see him in his whitie tighties.

    You are welcome.

  3. So all I can think of when I think of polygamy is the fact that it is reason #1 why sex is everything to men. I'll explain. Most men get so frustrated with one wife and one child and one yard to mow, etc. How in the world do they enjoy multiple moody women (whose periods have probably synced because they live together), a higher number of children than normal and 3 yards to mow? Oh yeah.. SEX. With 3 different women.

  4. BIG LOVE IS EVERY SINGLE THING. It does get more juicy-religious and I would know because I've watched the whole series at least seven times. I'm a religion nerd too. Especially when it comes to polygamy. I've read like, every single "I escaped polygamy" biography that's ever been written.

  5. OMG WEIRD SCIENCE GO NOW. BP is amazing and the gap between his teeth is epic.

      like i want to throat punch him most of the time.

  6. Tim can't even handle me most days so I don't know HOW some men handle multiple wives, or why they'd want to!

  7. and tombstone. don't forget tombstone.


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