Wednesday, September 3

more snooch things

once upon a time i blogged on a semi-consistent basis.
but then i stopped.  because why i do not know.
probably lack of motivation and also anything remotely valuable to say.
today will be no different.  so i apologize in advance for what you're about to read.

i wanted to talk about snooch waxing again.  mainly because i need to get my snooch waxed because i'm totally due up for it (if you know what i mean).  back in july i wrote about snooch waxing.  you can read that here.  i ended up not being able to get an appointment with the regular snooch waxing lady i go to and after an exhaustive search that just led me to places that were more expensive than what i was normally used to paying and also weird lengths of time that it was going to take to get my snooched waxed (like 60 minutes); a twitter angel reached out and recommended their lady.  i graciously thanked them and scrambled to make an appointment.  the appointment was quick (like what i was accustomed to) but 100% not even close to being comfortable.  i will normally get a million questions about what it feels like from friends that are going to get it done for the first time and i'm certainly not going to lie to anyone and tell them its rainbows, unicorns, and the best feeling ever but it sure doesn't hurt on an unbearable level.  quick aside - my mom wanted her snooch waxed before we left for mexico and she furiously stated that if she could have all three of us kids with no pain meds then she could sure as shit get her snooch waxed.  spoiler alert she's hooked and goes on a regular basis now.  but i digress.  the appointment with the not ordinary snooch waxing lady was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.  the woman talked a mile a minute and gave me a headache (which in retrospect was nice because it distracted me from the crotch hair ripping pain) but then also continually rubbed a cooling lotion on my snooch.  and although it was in a supremely professional manner it made me feel like i had just rounded a base (i never know what the bases are so just use your imagination) with a stranger.  and then at the end i had to get on all fours-ish with my butt in the air while she waxed that area too.  it was surreal.  and i bet pretty par for the course if that's what you're used to in regards to snooch waxing but i wasn't so i wanted to cry.

but the whole point of this is that i'm due for a snooch wax.  except shitler is leaving for indiana on monday for like two whole weeks.  and i think it's unnecessary and not very frugal of me to get the snooch wax now when he's just going to be out of town for two weeks (heyooooo).  so i've politely informed him that he's going to have to make do with the current situation.  and that also he should be thankful that i'm at least shaving my legs and pits on a semi-regular basis.

was this weird for you guys?  it's ok if it was.  or wasn't.
i feel you've all felt my pain.  it's our womanly cross to bare bear (i'm sorry i love puns and i couldn't resist).
i think shitler should just be thankful that things haven't reached a point where you need like a machete to hack through my downstairs business. 

i feel like by the time i finally do get my snooch waxed it may well resemble something like this:

too far?
i don't even care.

snooch out.

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  1. Ok I heard that you have this magical stuff you use after the wax that prevents ingrown hairs and I need to know what that is. Also last time I got a wax there were leftover hairs and I was extremely unsatisfied but my waxer was like 9 months pregnant at the time so I let it go. But I think it's time to go again and I have to search for a new person and I just really don't want to. Also Shitler's face bush is extremely impressive.

  2. I've decided the word "snooch" makes me uncomfortable. Like the way I get uncomfortable when people use the term "sexually active". It's all just too... something. I need to go.

  3. there is a place in vegas called the pretty kitty and they get you in and out in like ten minutes, no joke. it's basically the best place ever, because i mean really, who wants to have somebody all up in their business for like an hour? plus making the pain and general uncomfortableness of that last for a whole hour just seems sadistic and masochistic for anybody who voluntarily does it. so whatever. also, brilliant idea on your part to wait until shitler gets back from his long trip. there's no point in doing the waxing if there's not going to be anyone around to appreciate it.

  4. I've been debating on this whole snooch waxing business for myself, and have yet to get the balls to go and do it. I don't know if I want the list of people that have seen my downstairs business to keep growing on a semi-regular basis. Also, Congratulations on Shitler going out of town! I see a whole lot of sweatpants, binge TV watching, and vodka in your future :)

  5. fuck, this totally just reminded me that my manchild comes home in 2 weeks. i should probably get my snooch waxed as well. god i don't want to though...

  6. I legit just shaved the beard between my legs with Pete's face trimmer the other day. Don't tell him.

  7. Ergh, I've got a beach holiday coming up next month and I'm tossing up between just shaving just get bikini done or the whole thing. Decisions, decisions. Its like finding a good hairdresser, unfortunately you have to go through a few to get a good one that you stick with but I don't think I have the patience to spare my va-jay in the name of research.

    1. if i could send you my regular snooch lady i would. in a heartbeat.

  8. Absolutely none of this was too much. What does that say about me?

  9. YOU SHOULD TRY WAXING AT HOME. Fun times to be had by all!

  10. #longhairdontcare but really. apparently that's what that phrase refers to. as in all those instabitches with long hairs on their heads are inadvertently referencing their bushes. I learned this today.

  11. My hubs has the same beard. I am going to have to look into this snooch waxing thing... however, I do NOT thing I can do the all fours thing.


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