and i didn't even get to talk to the lady that would be waxing me. just the sixteen year old girl that mans the front desk, scans me in when i make it to the gym, and tells me to have a great day when i duck out after a twenty minute "work out." after finally making it through all the fiery hoops and and locking down an appointment the front desk girl said "ok. so we have you down for the eighteenth at 4:30PM. it'll be sixty dollars and sixty minutes." and cue crickets. and then cue me going "SIXTY MINUTES?" and then front desk girl goes "is that like a long time?" and i'm all "uhhhhh ya. what does she plan on doing down there for sixty minutes? are you sure you haven't scheduled me a massage? and no. not a vagina massage." and she was like "uhhhhh i don't know. how long should it take?" and i was like "ten minutes max! what on earth i don't need it va-jazzled." and then i gave up and was like "whatever i'll be there on time for my sixty minute brazilian wax." and then naturally i lamented about my woes on twitter and was promptly saved and directed elsewhere for a wax and to a lady described as a "vagina magician" and HOW DID SHE KNOW I LOVE MAGICIANS?
and also can we all please start calling our down town business a snooch?
it's the best thing ever. if you have some time when you're drunk you should 100% watch iliza shlesinger's "war paint" on netflix because her stand-up comedy is the stuff dreams are made of.
here are two videos i found for you.
if you watch all of "war paint" she'll explain the snooch in great detail.
but in the meantime i give you two short clips that will give you all the lolz i promise.
on a girl's night:
a snooch reference: