nothing shocks me anymore.

i think that when two of your favorite bloggers link up to do something hilarious it's like getting a punch to the face that immediately results in an explosion of awesome glittery goodness and you forget about the face pain and focus more on the stuff that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

SO ANYWAY helene and sarah decided to encourage us all to talk about the search terms that have led people to our blogs.  mine are concerning.  please see below:

• bullshit gin (which is a lie right off the bat and whoever googled that to get to my blog can kindly lose my web address because we don't want your kind here).
• hairy ball torture
• hard porno pussy hairy (uhhhhh, ok?).
• it is ril life sex with the vagina and the wines.com (someone is confused.  and that person is not just me).
• lady hairy (thank you - because that is the new name for my vagina).

one other search term was all "husband mad because i got my cartilage pierced what do i do?" and i was all "um ignore him?"  but then i remembered that it wasn't someone actually asking my advice so i just lol'd and moved on.

on a lighter note, and by lighter i mean totally whacked out, there was a triple homicide in a county not far from me.
shitler was kind to call and inform me that the person of interest was the guy i was totally "swim fan" obsessed with in high school.  but relax because i didn't have a one-night stand with him (sad trombone) but like every, single girl was infatuated with him and he was so, so hot and maybe my friend enlarged his yearbook picture, framed it, and gave it to me for my birthday.  MAYBE.  but like now he might be a murderer.  bad boys never really were my type.

      

drinking with a side of camping: part two

day one, night two.
bong more alcohol.
because sleep is for pussies.

then burn a bunch of shit.

somewhere in the middle of all of this we eat something.  

but then back to bonging.

then find our hats.

oh, fuck the hats.  more bonging.

feel like fucking champions.

worship a false idol.

then someone does the obligatory puking.
then everyone does the passing out.
then everyone hates their lives the next morning.

then we get excited for 2K13.

Bend Over To the Front, Touch Your Toes

was the theme of saturday night.
it was georgia's birthday celebration and needless to say - i think i've missed my calling as a photographer of drunk, hilarious people.

there's honestly nothing i enjoy more than girls dancing on the bar (and i'm not even being sarcastic).

also i can't get this out of my head: rack rack city, bitch.  rack rack rack city, bitch.  mustard on the beat.  rack city, bitch, rack rack city, bitch.  ten, ten, ten, twenty on yo titties, bitch.

i can't help it.  it's catchy.  and they rap about mustard.
although i don't think they're talking about the same mustard as i am.  

come to think of it - i hope mustard isn't a new code word for jizz.

All My Friends Are Getting Married - I'm Just Getting Drunk. Well, At Least For The Next Two Years. In Which Case I'll Still Be Getting Drunk But I'll Be Married

i have some really, super important news that i would like to share with everyone.

i've recently entered into an arranged marriage.  

it won't happen for a couple of years because my betrothed is only 16 but i'm really happy about it.

oh, and when i do get around to planning the wedding - everyone will be invited.  like everyone who has ever even clicked on this blog.  because money isn't an issue and his parents are footing the bill (which is something i just decided).

here he is:

mee-fucking-yow.

Tumor Muffin Cometh.

here i stand.  i can do no other.
martin luther said that.
but i'm not standing.  i'm sitting.
because i'm weak. 
this weekend was hard on my mind, body, and soul.
it began with this:

i got so excited when my entrée came that i immediately shoveled it into my mouth without taking a picture. 
i make no apologies.  that shrimp and crab cannelloni was orgasmic.
nothing got too out of hand, thank god, which is surprising considered i packed in 5 drinks and 3 shots.

i'm currently in a food and alcohol comatose state.
monday i resume my diet and i could not be more excited for that.
in the meantime i've managed to pack in the following:

it looks like i'm obsessed with breakfast foods.
but in reality - i'm just obsessed with all food.
like this:

or inappropriate things like these:

b and i are working on murdering this:

well, with that, i must bid thee farewell.
i have a lot of drinking and bad decisions to fit into a single afternoon.
wish me luck.