the first post i use the "shit posts" label for

this weekend was mainly confusing.

like sometimes it was nice out and then sunday morning there was snow on the ground.

like i ran out of wine and then nothing was right in the world.

like i was required to do things like work and be nice to people.

like the most i do concerning diet and exercise is just think about it.

like the fact that i had to leave my couch and dvr made me feel empty inside.

but you know - that's life.  and i suppose, although i hate it, i've just gotten used to it.

friday i worked for what felt like an eternity.  like 7am-10pm.

and then came home and drained, what i didn't know at the time, was my last bottle of wine.

then watched get him to the greek for the zillionth time and generally behaved badly.

on saturday i ate a hot dog. chicago style.  exciting, i know.

and then i had a five minute conversation with a dog grooming place about rates and extras and shit.  and then when i asked to make an appointment she told me she wasn't taking any new clients.  so i was confused and asked her if she didn't want my money or something.  and then she didn't respond.  so i just hung  up.  side note.  murphy lee was only professionally groomed once.  shitler doesn't count the time i got drunk and shaved a stripe down his back as grooming.  EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A RACING STRIPE AND IT MADE HIM FASTER.

but here's a picture of my hot dog.

and then after a hellish night at the restaurant that included me not getting home till 11.30pm i made that cruel discovery that i was fresh out of booze.  and a part of me died inside.  until i remembered that my best friend in all the blog land had sent me tiny bottles of vodka and i rejoiced, went home, and consumed them.

and now it's monday and i'm still generally confused and behaving like i imagine a sloth to behave like.  mainly because i feel like the only good thing to come out of the weekend was the hot dog and also catching up on game of thrones.  except that's the other confusing part.  like when watching i had this nagging feeling that i knew more than i should given each episode i was watching.  and then i remembered that i had started reading the book.  and that meant that i DID in fact know more than was actually happening in the show.  so like the whole time i couldn't help but channel lou from hot tub time machine and be all "you're gonna lose that hand."  but also the dragons need more screen time BECAUSE HELLO THEY'RE DRAGONS.

and in more important news i wrote like the most long-winded post i've ever written for my lady-friend mack.  so that's over on her blog.  it involves me doing one of the stupidest things i've ever done and i'm still surprised i didn't end up murdered to shreds.  so check it out.

also - i'm going to put up a picture that in no way, shape, or form has anything to do with this post but i think it's funny.  so that's my prerogative.

WHY is he so interested in that chunky soup.  riddle me that.

      

Because I'm Determined To Be A 4%'er

i'm going to train for a 5K.
i know that sounds like an odd thing to say.  like why wouldn't you say, "i'm going to run a 5K so i have to train for it."  but i'm not going to over-commit myself and then perhaps not actually run a 5K.  so i'm going to stick with the training part so not actually doing the 5K isn't such a crushing blow.
but here's to hoping that i follow through with this.  because it would be a real fuck-you to shitler.  except i fear that i'll keep this up for like two weeks but then i'll quit and then shitler might read this during the third week and he'll be like "see, 3%."
here are my shoes:

come to think of it - i'm not sure if they're actually good for running.  but i like the bright colors.  so here's hoping my shins survive the fact that i buy things based on color schemes.
and also, my first two training days have consisted of 25 minutes alternating between walking and running and for both of those runs i've listened to nothing but the following on a constant loop:


i'm just a soul survivor.  leave me alone.
if you have 5K training suggestions - by all means, give them to me.
but in the mean time i have two things to say:
1. i've reach the first part in gillian flynn's newest book that makes you go "what.thefuck?"
2. i watched an especially fucking awesome episode of game of thrones last night.  the one where the blonde chick eats a horse heart and she does it all crazy, cannibal style and there's blood running down her chin and chest and you think she's going to upchuck it all but she doesn't therefore proving she's insanely amazing.
i think that's what's missing with a lot of other shows on television right now.  not enough horse heart chow down sessions.

Things That Start With G Are Ruining My Life

yes i'm talking to you girls and game of thrones.
because we all know the last thing i need is one more thing to distract me from general, everyday tasks like making sure we have clean clothes and not letting the dishes sit in the sink to the point of all-out nastiness.
so i accomplished next to nothing on my list of unimportant things to do while shitler was away.
i cooked/baked/crafted nothing on my list.
this is what happened in one, gigantic run-on sentence.  gym, got my vagina waxed, bought asparagus, boat ride, ate pizza, watched the tudors, consumed wine, slept, woke up, made bacon pancakes, reluctantly showered, went to a bridal shower, messed with babies, ate some steak/cactus tacos, ate some potato oles, came home, watched every episode of girls on demand, drank more wine, watched x-men first class, drank even more wine, slept, woke up, made a point to not shower, did laundry, watched game of thrones, ate jell-o shots, left to eat carnitas and drink martinis, came back home, drank wine, watched game of thrones, said hi to shiter when he arrived home, made him watch three episodes of girls, passed out.
and now - i'm more resentful of having to be at work since i know that i have 32 more episodes of game of thrones waiting for me at home.

sommer hit the bottle a little too hard

he wanted a jell-o shot.

sommer was not having any of cordell.  which i think means she's a lesbian.

lastly, i just discovered that the pants i put on this morning have a giant hole in the crotch.  jackpot.