Don't Be Alarmed If I Eat This Baby

seriously.  if undeniable cuteness makes you nauseous.  if adorable, tiny babies don't warm your dead heart - then something is seriously fucking wrong with you and you should probably not scroll through the pictures of the womb creature that my friend just popped out of her vag.
this baby is so goddamned cute it took everything in me not to devour her whole.  
she is simply delicious.  and if i could - i would have huffed her baby smell all fucking day (which always confuses me how they smell so good.  considering they've been in that sac of gross fluid for nine months and came through a bloody canal).
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR ALL THAT IS CUTE.

yes - that explosion of cuteness just fucking happened.

mamma and sommer elizabeth

but that's how they get you.  they're all sweet and quiet and then they drop loads of shit in their diaper and the vomiting and the crying and not being able to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it because now you're actually responsible for another person's life.
so i just have him:

all mange, all the time.

I. AM. SHITLER.

the beast has awakened

Run DMC Gets Major Pussy

It's Fucked Up That I'll Probably Never Be A Lumberjack

i'm obsessed with flannel. 
and anything with a checkered pattern. 
and anything lumber-jack related.
don't judge me.
here are some examples.

i also have some in red, blue, and pink.  in retrospect i could have gotten a pile of them together and taken a picture.  eh.  hindsight.
here's some photographic evidence of me stealing the flannel that lincoln got from his parents for xmas.

and most importantly, seven brides for seven brothers.

i've watched this movie a gazillion times and i can't for the life of me remember whether the brothers are lumberjacks or not.  but at one point in the movie i know they're chopping wood.  and that's good enough for me.  i guess it's mainly about a bunch of brothers that can't let any of their other brothers have a tiny bit of individuality.
but what i do know is that i would like to be a lumberjack for day.  mainly for the flannel.
ok only for the flannel. 
and only if i could get a blue ox named babe like paul bunyan.

but that won't happen.  i just have Chuck McCat.  and he's terrible with an ax.

Textual Feeling: Menace 2 Sobriety

i was bored this morning - so i perused my textual conversation with b.
here's a rag-tag bunch of shit that doesn't go together other than that it's all ridiculous:
me: mmmm.  redzone
b: fuck you.  thanks for rubbing it in.  i'm about to eat quiche!
**
b: i'm a little disappointed in you right now.
me: i had to give people balls.
b: you should have dyed the frosting blue.
me: fitting.  the next batch.
**
me: i just saw the delorean.
b: wait, THE delorean?
me: it could very well have been.
b: could you see the flux capicitor?  that's the only way to know for sure.
me: i couldn't.  it was going too fast.
b: fast enough to time travel?
me: i'd like to think so.
b: me too.
me: because if you can't believe in the delorean, what can you believe in?
b: nothing.  besides, maybe back to the future was based on a true story and we don't even know it.
me: we should watch it.  for scientific purposes.
b: of course.  sometimes you have pretty good ideas.
**
b: happy new year slut.
me: happy new year asshat.
b: go fuck yourself.
me: done.
b: amen.
**
me: next weekend.  cancel all your plans.  i'm getting "i need to get my stomach pumped because i have alcohol poisoning" drunk.
b: let me check my schedule.
**
with all due respect to my liver - i'm going to punish it this weekend.
i make no apologies.

here's hoping that this weekend will simultaneously turn out to be the best and worst one of my life.  lincoln told me to be reasonable -but i can't make any promises.

my weekend consists of:
dildos
binge eating
vodka
debauchery
work
being hungover
making bad choices

here's a picture of what i think is my game face: