Thursday, April 3

tito & magnus

CURSE YOU CURSOR is what i mind shout to the world.

because HI my life is lame and the things i want to tell you i fear you probably won't want to hear.  but whatever.  because those things i want to tell you include some of the following: i haven't taken a decent poop in what feels like an eternity.  the scale continues to drop but buy like an 1/8 of a pound every two point five days.  and even though i'm not due to suffer the red death for like ten more days all i want to do is sit in dark room while i rock back and forth and listen to alanis morisette's "jagged little pill" on a loop and curse past boyfriends that i didn't have.  also there's a health risk assessment at work today and it entailed fasting for the last twelve hours but i couldn't sleep last night so i ate a half a jar of pickles and i'm currently gorging my face on iced coffee and cantaloupe.  because fuck the rules.

like this goat.  we should all be more like this goat.

except now i can't stop thinking about why i don't have a pet goat.
life is so unfair.

also i wish someone would give me their prescription for pills so that i could enjoy them.
because pills are zero calories and i just think i would like some.
i wish had a pharmacist friend.

OK AND i just think the pills would help me better imagine things like this happening:

honestly i'm sorry this post has gone nowhere.
although i never had any intention of it going in an actual direction but either way i'm still sorry.

but i've also been staring at this picture for a good long while:

and i think that the little dog's name is tito and the big one is magnus and i can't wrap my brain around how i'm not tito and riding off into the sunset atop magnus ready to take on the world.

p.s. i shouldn't be allowed on the internet.

p.p.s. i also shouldn't be allowed to have thoughts.
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  1. I want a goat so bad. But only if it's a fainting goats. Have you seen those things? BEST GOATS EVER.

  2. Way to be the goat... now I want a goat. Fainting goats are even funnier.

  3. Speaking of goats. Look up the goat simulator. It's a game that just came out...where you are literally just a goat fucking shit up.

    And honestly- goats really suck. I got 2 for a 4H project in middle school- and we kept them. And those damn things lived for seriously 10 years. And they were kind of assholes.

  4. Have you ever looked at a goat straight in the eye? Their eyes are CREEPY. Go make a pharmacist friend, take some pills and look in a goat's eyes. You'll shit your pants.

  5. I want to ride Magnus into the sunset! I mean that long flowing mane! Epic! P.S. The is a tea in the health food section called Smooth Move it makes you poop. You're welcome! :)

  6. Please never ever stop being you.

  7. My boss is a pharmacist. They're mean- no pills for you

  8. um have you seen fainting goats???? i'm pretty sure that my whole life would revolve around fainting goat youtube videos if i didn't have to feed my kids and shit!

  9. That kid dancing with the gats is straight edge. He has X's on his hands. THAT MEANS HE'S DISCO DANCING WITH CATS WHILE SOBER. I don't know how I feel about that.

    Also, a good poop is all that's right with the world. You can talk to me about poop any time.

    (Does that make me weird?)

  10. I'm glad you allowed yourself on the internet today, because I just experienced a much-needed chuckle (although, it manifested as a much less charming snort) at that pill-nomming cat meme. Seriously, thanks for that.


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