Thursday, October 23

the bet

i don't know about anyone else but when people refer to "the most wonderful time of the year" i assume they're talking about football season.  and football season is just that much more wonderful if you're a packers fan (hash tag america's team and if you think it's any other team i will fight you) because hello aaron rodgers and slay matthews, and jordy, and randall and yes i like to refer to most all of the players by their first names because we're close like that (i wish AHEM slay and aaron).  and loving the packers and having cancelled cables means that oh-shucks-darn you have to watch the games at a bar that gives touchdown shots, prizes like free booze and bags sets, and also free drinking if you win the cheesehead hat.

but football season also means fantasy football.  and if we're being honest - i'm terrible at it.  like every season i have such high hopes for my team but i draft like shit and then none of my players ever live up to their potential.  and then i'm crushed because i get my ass kicked every week and never even make it to the playoffs.  and obviously this season wasn't supposed to be any different.  because the first few weeks tim tom brady decided to phone it in and i got my ass kicked from here to timbuktu.  but then in week three i was given a gift from the fantasy football gods when i played a team that had nearly every dominating player on a bye and i was all "i don't even care if this is a crap win because a win is a win and i will take it."  and then in week four i lost by a measly 3.53 points and i was like "at least it wasn't a blow out."  and then in week six i won.  again.  and by this point in time i was just generally confused as the feeling of winning was just so incredibly foreign.  which brings us to this last week; week seven: rivalry week.  which is basically couples week in the pool of tears (that's the delightful league name, FYI).  so naturally shitler taunted me and told me how i sucked balls and then asked if i was interested in a wager of sorts.  and i was down because what did i have to lose?  and the answer was not one red cent.  because existing at the bottom of the totem pole had its perks.  those being that there's really only one way to go.  and that's up.  shitler, on the other hand, had everything to lose.  sitting in first place and possibly losing to a wife that sucks donkey dick at fantasy football is certainly nothing anyone could brag about.

and so the negotiations began.

shitler: if you win you want butt stuff, don't you?
me: what?  no.  you wish, loser.
shitler: **weird creepy laugh**
me: if i win i get a kitten.
shitler: no.
me: oh so you're not confident in your first place team?
shitler: i can't risk it.  anything thing else?
me: the other band for my wedding ring then.
shitler: damn lady.
me: you can either agree to a free cat (with nominal vet bills) or the other band for my ring.
shitler: neither.
me: those are my two choices.  you decide.
shitler: ugh.  i hate you.

and then the most miraculous thing happened.  i won.

and then i was all david after dentist and "IS THIS REAL LIFE?"
so yes.  ladies (and no gentlemen, i'm sure) i totally won.  but the kicker is that shitler has refused both of my options for the conditions of the bet.  which leaves me with having won nothing.  which leads me to the point of this post.  which is your help.  your help in picking out what i shall now demand since shitler will not acquiesce with my demands of a kitten or my other wedding band.

what would you demand as spoils 
of the fantasy football rivalry week win?
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  1. I would have said a puppy, so I'm not help here. I play my husband this week. Now I need to wager something!

  2. Hmmm a plane ticket to TX to hang out with yours truly? Tacos whenever you want them for a month? Frankly I say push a little harder on the kitten thing. He’ll cave. And if he doesn’t, get it without his consent. He’ll fall in love with the kitten and forget that he never wanted it in the first place.

      i love the shit out of your ideas.

  3. I say go out and get the kitten and the other wedding band and he will never back out of a bet again.

  4. House cleaning and laundry for a specified period of time. Or new boots, I always want new boots. The expensive kind.

  5. Replies
    1. Or if you actually like Shitler, I vote for what Lindsay said.

    2. i like both of you.
      and also i want my own room.

  6. Get a kitten! And be all like "Omg.. it just showed up at the front door, it must be a sign from God that you should never NOT live up to your part of the bet, so strange...." My border collie LOVES our cat.. our cat does not like the dog but whatev she deals with it.

  7. Probably a trip to CA nbd. Or keep trying for a kitten.

    Definitely keep trying for the kitten.

  8. I would keep trying for that kitten. You won fair and square... be has to give you one of those demands. It's the rules.


    Also, I have lost every week except the first week in which I was like HELL YEA I AM SO GOOD AT THIS. And then Tom Brady ruined my life for a good few weeks and I refused to put him back in until Stafford starting MAJORLY blowing more. <-- WHO AM I.

  10. Two kittens. That makes one kitten look so much better.


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