Thursday, December 18

no shilter, 'mo problems: when it rains it pours

real quick.
shitler is still gone.  he comes back tomorrow.  THANK EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.  
and not to go into much detail, because that's a post for another time, but i have lived in abject chaos for approximately eight-five percent of the time that shitler has been gone.

like really.
like this since monday.


if that is enough to cause you to get an aneurysm then WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
and then fast forward from monday to thursday morning (and i've kind of grown semi-accustomed to it - kind of) and it's 6.30 in the morning and i'm barely awake and stepping on stray building materials (like pieces of walls and also broken nails) as i make my through the gauntlet of sheets of drywall and tools and i curse (because that shit is hurtful to feet when stepped on) and then i look ahead and i curse even more.  because i saw this:


i'll give you some time to make an educated guess as to which asshole dog did it.  




you guessed mac, didn't you?
DING DING DING.
you don't get a prize because i'm broke but i'll give you a virtual high five.

i hope he enjoyed the old sour cream left in this container.
i assume he did because the container was so clean you would think i ran it through the dishwasher.


fun fact.
i made a box of salmon burgers last night.  i'd never had them before and they seemed questionable and i made all four that were in the box because i figured "hey, leftovers for lunch."  but it turned out that they were gross.  so i put them back in the box they came from and threw them in the trash.
apparently mac thought they were delicious.


delicious salmon burgers with a cardboard bun is what mac apparently enjoyed as a midnight snack.
so i cleaned it up and then made him pose by his late night dinner buffet.


when shitler gets back i'm refusing to do anything for two weeks.
I DESERVE IT.

p.s. i have never met a dog that looks so cute while being so naughty.  it vexes me.
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13 comments

  1. Listen, there was perfectly good garbage at nose level - he did what any self-respecting dog would do. Or he thought he was helping by moving the trash around - and getting rid of the really bad stuff for you.... How thoughtful!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you're right.
      that sour cream would have gone straight to my ass.

      Delete
  2. That moment when I have in fact cooked those salmon burgers and didn't find them disgusting....definitely not as good as tacos, though. I'll babysit Mac for you, him and my dumpster cats can be naughty together (dirty).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. like THOSE exact burgers?!
      maybe i did them wrong. help me.
      we love food so similarly that now i'm questioning everything.

      also i'll fedex my douche-dog to you.

      Delete
  3. Salmon burgers sound SICK. As in nasty. As in no, not ever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whatever Zambreski, whatever.

      Delete
    2. i tried "liking" this.
      i need help.

      Delete
    3. NO WE SERIOUSLY NEED BLOG LIKING CAPABILITIES CAUSE COMMENTING AND USING WORDS IS HARD.

      Delete
    4. AMEN. it is so hard. and rude. a rude, hard life. that's what i have.

      Delete
  4. Mac and vexes and reminds me of Mac's look alike, my mom's dog - REX. He has the merle coat and blue eyes too.

    My husband isn't gone, but can I tell you? Hazel ate an entire half loaf (bigger than store bought) of bread from the local bakery this morning while I was running and I wanted to kick her so hard she landed in tomorrow. BECAUSE WHY?

    Really, that doesn't have anything to do with anything but that YOUR DOG AND MINE ARE TWIN SPAWNS OF DEVILNESS.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The word Salmon (and the way it's spelled) grosses me out so I would figure those burgers would be gross. Poor Mac, I will take him... our trash in under lock and key (well a wooden trash box thing) to keep our 1 year old out. Actually, Mac can just follow behind our little crumb dispenser and pick up his left overs... ya, then I won't have to follow behind with a broom and dust pan and we would all be happier. Or my house would be cleaner.

    ReplyDelete
  6. So how is Mac feeling now?! And I feel your pain, when Tim is gone I am LOST and I strongly dislike being forced to do everything for myself. Like cooking AND eating a meal?! It's too much effort.

    ReplyDelete

c'mon.
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