i'm an adult failure

"why do carbs have to be so heavenly and why does working out have to be a thing?"
in all honestly - the above two questions are things that i ask myself on a daily basis.  and no longer having to feel the pressure of not being chubby for wedding photos that i'll have to look at for forever and ever has instilled a bit of complacency in me.  like complacency to the tune of an eight pound weight gain.  which is depressing since i malnourished myself fair and square to be rid of those eight (and then some) pounds.  and the worst thing about the way my brain works is that it's so incredibly difficult for me to want to do anything without some sort of concrete end goal.  
examples include but aren't limited to: "hey shannon maybe you should work out and eat to just feel good about yourself and be healthy." nope, no thanks.   "maybe you should keep the house semi-tidy just because you're some form of an adult." nah, my clutter calms me. "doing laundry on a regular basis would stress you out less." i disagree.  nothing keeps you on your toes like semi-wet work clothes in the morning.
so the point is that i think i just need to set goals for myself on a smaller scale and perhaps that will trick my brain into being a more productive and mature adult (not likely, but let's give it a go).
with that being said - yesterday marked the beginning of my newly declared quest.  and that quest being i need to lose ten pounds in twenty-nine days and in those same twenty-nine days i'm also going to run one hundred miles.  woof.  but it's not that bad.  it averages out to about 3.5 miles per day.  i banged out four miles last night then planned on getting more miles in today but instead today is proving to be a semi-failure. knowing that i was working fourteen hours today meant that i needed to get up and go run at like 5AM but instead i snooze-buttoned it till 6.45AM, got up and curled my hair, and then discovered it was down pouring rain so all the hair curling was for naught and no running actually happened.  so now said running has to happen tonight.  after fourteen hours worth of work.  or else i'm going to be severely behind and i don't feel like trying to bang out ten miles worth of running in one day because a marthoner i am not.
here's some proof of the four miles from last night.  although i could have just snagged that photo from some obscure place on the internet but i didn't so you're just going to have to trust me.  and also FYI it was terrible.  ugh.

lastly we should all brainstorm on things that i should possibly reward myself with upon hopefully completing said goals?  what types of fancy shit should i demand from shitler?  halp me decide.  and also hold me when i want to cry because the running is attempting to beat me into a pile of goo that just wants to sit on the couch and eat chips all day long.

gym babbles

WELL HELLO TUESDAY. we meet again. remember that one time samm and i banned together to have a new blog and then we like posted seven times and were never heard from again?  it's cool - we do too.  and we also plan on posting again. at some point. 
but since only like a fraction of you read it you can go back to tuesdaysquared.com and do us all a favor and check it out.  or else (i haven't come up with an 'or else' yet so be patient).
there's not much a point to this post.  other than to tell you that i went to the gym three whole days in a row and when i go tonight it will be four days in a row.  which i think is unheard of in the land of shan.  there have been plenty of things that i have tried to sabotage my gym-going or my gym-leaving once i'm there. like a sneeze attack, the fact that i washed my heart rate monitor (the watch part) in the wash machine, a man's constant farting on the machine next to me, daydreams of my couch, etc. etc. etc.
but it happened.  a workout.  three days of workouts. and my armpit muscles hurt.  is that a thing?
but really - that's all i wanted to write. and also i wanted to ask you skanks for circuit training recommendations. like semi-easy to follow for the semi-remedial.

p.s. the only marginally acceptable thing about working out and dieting is seeing results.  the other night i measured my ass and i didn't think it was any smaller.  but the reality is that i lost three inches in my waist, hips, and tits since starting this bullshit "i don't want to be chubby for my wedding" thing on january 1st.

p.p.s. i'm super, super glad you can't see the atrocious length of my leg hair in the above picture.

the one where i say i'm going to the gym

i think i'm going to go to the gym today. why?
because i checked my wedding countdown app and there's, hang on, 2 months18days5hours and 38 minutes till that shit show of a wedding.  and then i also checked my scale and i'm only down 17 pounds and i need to be down more so i figure i should get my shit together and just nut up and go to the gym.
when it the three month mark back whenever i got a text from tiff wishing me a happy three months till my wedding and i told her then i was going to go the gym.  but then i sneezed like three times in a row and convinced myself i was very clearly falling ill and should go straight home and rest.  so i did just that.  and instead of being actually active i just actively engaged in watching episodes of mob wives and wondered how much different my life would be had i been born into a crime family. p.s. i can't help but think that i would have made a really great mob wife.
but alas - none of of my mob wives watching really burns any calories. although my vintage teen mom watching might burn a low amount of calories because fucking jenelle is one bitch that cracks me up on the daily.   so i'm going to the gym. so someone doesn't continue sending me snapchats like this.

my future husband is a dick.

get it right, get it tight: week one

MILDLY SUCCESSFUL. those are the words i shall use to describe my week of semi-starvation (kidding) and working out. i think had i had just one day where i worked out and then ate a salad instead of boneless buffalo wings i would have chalked that up as a success.  but out of the seven days this week - i worked out for five of them.  and i must say that my meals were actually healthy.  say whaaaaaaaaaaa?

i wish i had some sort of brain for working out and knowing what the best possible thing to do for target areas and weight loss are.  but i don't.  so for week one i mainly did elliptical cardio, some free weight shit, and ab work.  and like i told faith - i feel like that's all better than what i was doing.  which was nothing.
also - that avocado egg cup?  i could eat it all day, every day. so there you have it.  semi-successful, semi-accountable.
by all means please leave suggestions, websites, workouts, meals, etc. you name it, i need it.