house reveal 2 - fishing in the dark

ok - so for those of you who are coming to visit (i'm looking at you samm, mac, and christi) and aren't going to pass out on the couch or get so drunk that they don't mind the floor then i want to present to you the fishing room.  
which houses two passed-out options.  the high-up bunk bed or the down-low trundle bed.  so basically i guess it depends on your level of motivation when you're beat up drunk.  the choice is yours.

so in the fishing room you can become overwhelmed by the amount of fishing crap on the walls.
you're welcome.
or you could play a rustic game of tic-tac-toe.
or stare at a picture of me kissing a fish.
if you're feeling up to it - you can always just come upstairs and snuggle in between me and shitler.

please let me know which

weekend you'll be coming to visit.

xmas in march

you know who i'm obsessed with?
samm.  my internet friend.
like shout it from the rooftops in an obnoxious single, white female type of way in which i'd skin her and wear her like a coat but in a less serial killer/stalker way.
like perhaps when i talk to shitler about my internet friend samm that sometimes i liken it the craig's list killer only less murdery.  or like catfish - only we're totally telling the truth.  i mean - let's hope so.
so when samm and i saw all kinds of bloggers swapping stockings for xmas we decided to do it too.  but just the two us and kind of like we're dating.  naturally mine was late.  by a few weeks.  and samm's?  well, samm's just arrived at my house on monday.  as in march 4th.  as in practically spring.  as in - it's exciting because it's like xmas came way late and i don't even mind.

curious about what was in my box?
i know - everyone is.

firstly - there was dog toy.  which i don't have pictures of because the mutts immediately ripped it to shreds.  
not even kidding.

but then there were these things.  like they came in this fantastic stocking.

and then these!

ummm yes, a compact mirror in the form of a hamburger, sushi erasers, and also some sort of pizza pouch.  which i'm not quite sure what the use is for yet but i'm certainly going to put a piece of pizza in it the next chance i get.
and then even better.

ummmmmm hello who is my soul mate? 
samm.  duh.
shitler tried to take a giant dump on my present when he was all "uhhh, i don't think you can send booze in the mail."
and then i was all "SHUT UP SHITLER YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS! YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET YOUR OWN INTERNET FRIEND."  he didn't really say anything after that.  
just basically ignored me and went back to doing whatever it is he does.
i think he just doesn't want to admit that he's jealous of my internet friend and that he wishes he had his own.  but like he'll never come clean about it.

what do your internet friends send you?

there are worse things i could buy

so i have a real problem with buying books (i've discussed that before).
like i just can't ever have enough and i think i have a perpetual fear that i will run out of books to read at some point in my life.  so in an effort to never let that happen i just buy a lot.  like a lot all of the time.

so maybe you should just leave me book suggestions.
so that i can buy more.

also - be prepared for what's on the blog tomorrow.
it's an xmas stocking in march.  including a note on this lovely paper.

but seriously - 

what are your best book recommendations?

shenanigans in birthday form

i need everyone to know that i feel like i'm officially old as fuck.
and that i can no longer handle my hangovers like a goddamn adult.
don't get me wrong - i'm going to continue to drink my face off but i just need to psych myself up more for the killer hangovers i'm going to inevitably have the next day.

but as i mentioned on the blog yesterday it was shitler's bday.  and what a shit show that was.
like we celebrated on saturday because - DUH.  but then chose to close down the bar and then walk home in the freezing cold.  and then since everyone is drunk and hungry i make pasta for everyone.  and then since it's like psssssh, only 3AM i deem it appropriate to take shots of my cheapest vodka.  
which in retrospect - was probably my undoing.
and then shitler DJ'd in our living room for another hour or so and then we all passed out.  and i spent the rest of the next day hating everyone until we went to the bar and i fixed my shit with a couple of screwdrivers and a giant plate of chicken nachos.

then we came home.  
and passed out at 8.30PM. because that's what cool people do.

firstly let's go ahead and take a look at the litany of bar pictures on my phone.

 

and then the uncle jesse photos.
in which it was like a musical number to the tune of WWE wrestler entrance songs.

so there you have it.  and you wonder why it's monday and i'm still exhausted.
but it's cool because i'm just laying in bed recovering.  which is all i ever want to do.

party like it's your birthday

hey everyone!
it's shitler's bday!  whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
the big 2-9.  
i'm going to go ahead and make sure to remind him every day that he's one day closer to entering the dirty thirty.
mainly because i like saying "dirty thirty" and also because i enjoy driving him a little closer to the brink of insanity on a daily basis.

p.s. i bought him that shirt for his bday.  he's basically the luckiest man on earth.

high five 4 friday

cheers to the freakin' weekend, amiright?
except i'm still sick just enough to still be miserable and not want to leave my bed.
so i'm really going to try my hardest to not be a disgusting animal snotting all over the place when i'm at my tables this weekend at the restaurant.  i can't help but think that's not appetizing while you're eating and might not garner me much in tips.

but it's time to link up with lauren to do some high-fiving.

1. in regards to self-medicating a cold with booze.  i'm not sure if it actually works.  per the owner of the company i work for he advised that i start taking less cold medicine and start drinking more vodka.  and since i'm a good employee - i listened.  but instead of drinking vodka i drank a bottle of champagne and then a bottle of wine.  in one sitting.  and frankly - i couldn't figure out if i was drunk, if the meds were working, or if i was legitimately getting better.  and shockingly enough i wasn't even hungover the next day.  color me surprised.

2. i think chips get a bad rap.  i mean, don't get me wrong, they're delicious.  but i'm fairly certain they go straight to my ass.  so when my friend intro'd me to vegetable chips i thought i was doing my ass a favor.  
but i'm sure my ass doesn't appreciate the sheer volume of bags of these chips i've consumed.

3. i bought shitler this shirt this week.  ALL THREE FREE. #arresteddevelopment 

4.  i'm obsessed with all things real housewives.  it's sick, really.  but i just can't help myself.  they're just all so wrapped up in the most mundane of things but the fact that they have millions of dollars makes said mundane things not so mundane.  i haven't read any other book penned by any of the housewives mainly because - c'mon, it's a book "written" by one of the real housewives.  but when brandi came out with a book i couldn't help but jump on the brandi train.  
and like literally i would jump her.  
in like a sexual way.  
it's only mildly embarassing to admit that her book arrived wednesday, i started it thursday, and cashed it in a matter of hours.  it's definitely not one of the great literary pieces of our time but i loved it.  she's honest and in your face.  and if you didn't hate eddie for what he did to her before you certainly will after you read the book.  
and considering she's a single mom who is constantly getting sued because of her big mouth and in need of lawyers i just told myself that i was helping her pay her legal fees by buying her book.

also - if you're in the market for a review of the my book my girl samm has one.

5. and lastly.  i know that most girls have a shopping problem.  shoes, clothes, and other shit they actually don't need.  well, so do i.  except my problem comes in the form of books.  because i can't help buying heaps of books.  
and amazon doesn't help when they will give you free shipping on orders of $25 or more so then you actually end up buying $40 worth of books that you don't need.  such was my problem when i ordered brandi's book (please see #4 above).  because i ended up ordering three other books.  and then when they arrived and i went to put them on my book shelf i realized i had heaps of books that i had just ordered within the last couple months sitting on the bookshelf unread.  ugh.  i have a lot of work to do.

for the record, these are the just the ones sitting out in plain sight.

any book recommendations?

i'm sure it'll be no time at all until i'm buying more.