Wednesday, March 6

xmas in march

you know who i'm obsessed with?
samm.  my internet friend.
like shout it from the rooftops in an obnoxious single, white female type of way in which i'd skin her and wear her like a coat but in a less serial killer/stalker way.
like perhaps when i talk to shitler about my internet friend samm that sometimes i liken it the craig's list killer only less murdery.  or like catfish - only we're totally telling the truth.  i mean - let's hope so.
so when samm and i saw all kinds of bloggers swapping stockings for xmas we decided to do it too.  but just the two us and kind of like we're dating.  naturally mine was late.  by a few weeks.  and samm's?  well, samm's just arrived at my house on monday.  as in march 4th.  as in practically spring.  as in - it's exciting because it's like xmas came way late and i don't even mind.

curious about what was in my box?
i know - everyone is.

firstly - there was dog toy.  which i don't have pictures of because the mutts immediately ripped it to shreds.  
not even kidding.

but then there were these things.  like they came in this fantastic stocking.

and then these!

ummm yes, a compact mirror in the form of a hamburger, sushi erasers, and also some sort of pizza pouch.  which i'm not quite sure what the use is for yet but i'm certainly going to put a piece of pizza in it the next chance i get.
and then even better.

ummmmmm hello who is my soul mate? 
samm.  duh.
shitler tried to take a giant dump on my present when he was all "uhhh, i don't think you can send booze in the mail."
and then i was all "SHUT UP SHITLER YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS! YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET YOUR OWN INTERNET FRIEND."  he didn't really say anything after that.  
just basically ignored me and went back to doing whatever it is he does.
i think he just doesn't want to admit that he's jealous of my internet friend and that he wishes he had his own.  but like he'll never come clean about it.

what do your internet friends send you?

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  1. I'm jealous that I was not included in these fun stocking festivities. Shit, I would like a sushi eraser and a pizza purse. I would fucking carry pizza around with me everywhere I went.

  2. hahahahaha i love this collection. just awesome. i'm curious- can you send alcohol in the mail? i mean clearly you can.

    1. Helene, I don't think you technically can. BUT, I don't think my husband remembered there was alcohol in it (I honestly made this stocking in December) so when the post office people asked about liquids, I'm sure he just said there was none.

  3. I LOVE YOU. So when I come there, will we still be internet friends?


  4. Hahah, yeah, you're not supposed to. But, it's cool, as long as you don't get caught! hahaha

  5. Well, shit. I learned something new today! I had no idea it was illegal!

    You two tramps are my favorites :-)

  6. So funny the stocking is fantastic :)

  7. AHHH pizza puch! Take leftovers to work for lunch! Hide it in your purse for on-the-go emergencies, it's no one's business but yours! Use it as the perfectly-shaped plate when at a straight-out-of-the-box shindig - everyone else is making do with papertowels, but you're no amateur!

    I love this idea so very very much. :D


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