Friday, March 15

high five 4 friday and backing up asses

first and foremost i went to the mall again last night.
it only further solidifies the fact that i'm too old for that shit.
mainly because my idea of a good time isn't loitering at the mall around the candy dispenser machine looking like i just knocked off a hot topic.
and also i think i could have coped better with having been at the mall if i had been drunk.
but i wasn't.  so all i could think was "get me.thefuck.outofhere."
but i made it out alive.  thank the lord.
so let's get to the high-fiving of all things friday with lauren.

1. mac-dizzle has been extremely demanding all week.  like more so than usual.  the other night he approached me, dropped his bone on the bed, backed away a few steps and stared at me.  the general feeling i got from the encounter was "throw this bone, bitch."

2. the next night we had a situation i like to call "two dogs, one bathtub."  murphy lee enjoys hanging out in the bathtub from time to time so that's totally normal.  i think mac-dizzle just loves infringing upon murphy lee's alone time.

3. last dog-related thing.  i swear.  if you follow me on IG you'll know that i came from work one night and mac-diz had some sort of head wound and shitler didn't know how it happened.  don't worry.  i chastised him for being a terrible father and about how he should care a little bit more about the well-being of his children and that if he didn't watch his step DPS (doggy protective services) was going to get an anonymous tip.  but the head wound must have made him extra cuddly.  because he was all up in my shit more than usual.  yes - i have a fifty pound lap dog.

4. shitler is really cramping my wedding planning style.  i think it's only fair that he leave everything up to my discretion.  which i think might be the exact reason why he's involving himself in the first place.  he wasn't too receptive when i suggested the song below to be our official wedding song.  he wouldn't even entertain the idea that this was the song that i could walk down the mexican aisle to.  he's being a real scrooge and and i told him to lighten up.  but to avail.  he's vetoed the song.

i added to the bokeh hearts.  obviously.
lyrics include, but aren't limited to: "i love bad bitches that's my fucking problem.  and yeah i like to fuck, i got a fucking problem."  i think it could be really romantic.  and it even talks about dropping down and getting your eagle on which i think we all know doesn't happen enough.  and we could have dropped down and got our eagle on for our first dance.  but shitler rained on my parade.  THANKS A LOT SHITLER.

5. lastly, i didn't have a fifth thing to high five for the week.  so i dug back into the archives and found this sweet video of shitler singing to t-swizzle.  i've watched it like thirty-seven times.

and also in the spirit of #backthatazzupFriday with whitney - here's my jam.  for my jam session.

tell me something.

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    And you of course. I love you the most. What a BLESSING from the LORD, OUR JESUS CHRIST that you made it out of that mall okay. PTL.

    Also, gotta be honest. Shit's videos are like one of my favorite things about your posts. I watch them and I just think about 1) how perfect you seem to be together 2) how perfect we'd all be together. #sisterwives

    (For the record, I'm totally kidding, I'm not expecting a proposal any time soon. ...unless you guys are into that.)


  2. "Throw this bone, bitch."... God, I love you.

  3. bahahaha. LOVE THIS! You cracketh me uppeth. I would totally hurl rice at your face whilst that lyrically genius tune played through a loud speaker. I'm sure my vote counts for nothing, but at least you know you've got it.

  4. Shitler has no sense of what's good for him, because that's the best and most realistic wedding song idea I've heard. I overrule his veto.
    Also, two dogs one bathtub made me laugh and cry at the same time.

  5. Do you think that the head wound came from whatever it was he had to kill to get that severed bone?

  6. I am new to reading and following your blog, and I just wanted to tell you I think your hilarious! Also, I support your choice for you wedding song, it reminded me of Karen from Will and Grace when she married Finster.

    1. THANK YOU - i don't think he realizes that all my internet friends agree with me and that i value their opinion more than his.


  7. oooooooh my god. Shitler is my hero.

  8. That would be the best wedding song ever. EVER. It came on in my car the other day and Justin just looked at me and I was like, I KNOW OMG WHO TALKS LIKE THAT. A$Ap Rocky does, bitche$.

  9. LMFAO! Ive been reading the last few of ur post basically falling in luv then I came to this one and just about DIED at the eagle comment, haha luv that song!


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