i'm accepting visitors because i'm bored and end constructing posts like this

leading up to my wisdom teeth being ripped out of my face i had to deal with shitler telling me to stop being a goddamn baby and that i had another thing coming if i thought i was going to milk this thing.  and naturally he took every opportunity to just mercilessly make fun of me.

hence these photos.  which i totally forgot about until like a half hour ago.

but the joke is on that guy because apparently he's very tuckered out from driving me the ten minutes to and from the oral surgeon so he's getting his nap on.

so now it's just me and my teeth (that yes i asked to keep).

oh wait - me, my teeth, and the pills.  and i'm adding text to photos like this:

GO NENE

i'm going to go ahead and link up with sarah because i haven't yet and she said something about a competion and basically every day is a competition in the shitler household in which we see who can be meaner to the other.  

and also he's wearing a packers shirt.

and sarah likes sports or something.

but maybe not the packers.

which FYI is a sin.

      

musical rampaging

good morning kids.

i'm writing this quick before my tooth extraction (which thank god is only going to take a half hour).

last night i had a nice bottle of wine to calm my unnecessary nerves.

and this morning i popped the ONE valium they prescribed for me.

i've never known the pleasure of a valium.

or the pain killers.  and i must say they're magical.

but don't worry - i'm not going to get all brett favre on these pills.

and after my general 90s chick music rampage on the twat yesterday i felt it was only keeping to continue through with that for whit-zizy's #backthatazzup Friday

p.s. does anyone else agree that if aaliyah hadn't tragically perished that she would have just shit down on the crazy music skanks and their shenanigans?

      

snack time

p.s. the quote is from tom robbins.

p.p.s. thought catalog changes my life on a daily fucking basis.

      

scripts on scripts on scripts: a medicated weekend

oh hey there.

four day work for this chick over here.

so spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch.

kidding.  this week is going to blow giant male private parts.

i'm sure if you sometimes check out what i'm doing on any social network that you're probably aware and also sick to death of my face pain/wisdom teeth debacle.  but that's the only thing that's even happening in my life right now.  

friday was a goddamn disaster.

after my dental appointment on thursday i was referred to an oral surgeon because "blah blah, partially impacted, blah blah."  but apparently no one had their shit together and my x-rays didn't get sent over for my appointment with the surgeon on friday.  so it was all "you can call and re-schedule or you can pay and have them done again."  and i was all "no ma'am i'm not rescheduling because my face hurts too goddamn much for that shit and also no i will not be paying again for them because someone is incapable of sending a simple email."  so they so nicely waived the charge and we got down to business.  the surgeon pointed out where it's basically growing into my face and therefore causing the immense pain and then he asked what i would prefer in regards to anesthesia and i was all "well this entire thing is terrifying so i would prefer to not be conscious for it."  and then the dentist was like "well you are extremely anxious so we'll put you under and also here's a prescription for ONE valium.  please fill it and take it an hour before your surgery on friday."  whatever.  shitler will be taking me.  i hope i can operate my phone after the surgery.  i'm awfully pro-drugged-up tweeting and i kind of want to see what sort of damage i can do.

but i digress.
since it was friday it meant i had to work at the restaurant so i just popped pills and hoped for the best.  

saturday was a restaurant work meeting and nothing is more excruciatingly painful than one of those.  so it was more pills to help numb all the pain - both physical and emotional.  and i'm not kidding about the meetings.  there's a few people that always have JUST ONE MORE QUESTION TO ASK.  and all you want to do is strangle the ever-living shit out of them because they're exactly like the kid in school who reminded the teacher that they hadn't assigned any homework yet.  i also ate some mushy cheese curds, had drinks, worked more, and then went home and attempted to eat a chip before i passed out.  please see below:

sunday i fist pumped like a champion because i didn't have to do anything and shitler went to a  brewer game so it meant i had the whole goddamn house to myself.  so naturally i stocked up on mushy foods and then got horizontal on the couch with pretty little liars and these two dorks.

AND THEN A BABY CAME OVER.

PREPARE YOUR LADY BITS.

little E was just all sorts of excited over the hounds.  it was ADORABLE.

i feel like my brain still can't fully comprehend pretty little liars and all the shit they get done. 

on the real.  their phones never die, they basically never have homework, and they just roam around.

is that real life?  am i old?

lastly i need you all to know that i got so fed up with eating mush foods that i took enough pain medication to effectively numb my face and then i gnawed on a piece of pizza.  which basically made me feel like a rebel.  until this morning.  when i woke up with such excruciating pain that i've effectively learned my lesson.

p.s. GoT'ers - what did we think?  did we like it?  and for those not reading the books i need you to.  for the love of all that's holy i need you to so we can discuss the most awesome things to come.

p.p.s. i'm linking up with sami.  duh.

      

shannon after dentist

PSA alert: dentists are liars.

back in the day when i actually went to the dentist (only because my parents made me) the dentist was all "oh wow you're so lucky.  there's zero sign of your wisdom teeth on these here x-rays so you won't have to ever deal with that!"  

p.s. it actually happened.  my mom was there.  ask alison.  i dare you.

fast forward to many years later.  more specifically this last tuesday morning.

i woke up with some seriously intense pain in my jaw.  like someone was insisting on poking that muscle that connects your jaw.  so naturally i did what i do best and popped some advil and ignored it.

until it continued to get worse.  like i couldn't open my mouth.  and then it hurt to chew anything.  and then finally my cheek started to bruise and shitler so kindly pointed out that the right side of my face did look chubbier than normal.  so i reluctantly made an appointment with a dentist because honestly i'm a giant vagina when it comes to pain.  with the appointment made i immediately started to panic because basically everything was probably wrong with me and i was for sure going to die.  and i might of considered just being drunk for the appointment but it was at 8AM in the morning and i may not have high standards but i certainly need to draw the line somewhere.  so i just internally panicked like a lunatic while getting the dental x-rays done and it turns out the dentist i went to previously is a fucking goddamn liar because sure as shit my top two wisdom teeth are just hanging out in my mouth although i do not remember inviting them to the party.  and it wouldn't be so bad if they were just being good party guests.  but no - it turns out that the one on the right side of my face is insisting on growing partially side-ways into my face therefore causing me to want to claw my face off.

so now i have to go to an oral surgeon.  for just a consult.  which i was going to have to wait two weeks for because that's the only time they had availability.  but then i for sure had a melt down on the phone and explained to them that i can't live my already fucked up life with this type of face pain so then they magically made me an appointment for today.  i've already decided that i'm going to need to be completely knocked out.  i want to hear nothing and be aware of nothing.  i'll pay extra - i don't even care.  shitler said he's pretty excited for whatever state i come back in and that he can't wait to video tape and make me agree to things.  my response was: "things like anal?"  and he was all "no.  like i'm going to get you to agree to let me buy lots of shit."  and honestly he gets no points for creativity.  because i would totally get people to agree to anal and then just hold it over their head for the rest of their life.  but regardless.  i'm sure it will totally be shannon after dentist and maybe i'll do things like this:

also i don't have a lot to high-five.  other than i mixed myself a wine/pill cocktail last night and it's the only thing that kept the pain partially at bay.  it's also annoying that you can't pop pills at work.  but here are some things i'm high-fiving.

and FYI i almost included all the pictures i ginstagramed from last night because i forgot i even gram'd them.
i blame the pills.  and the alcohol.

1// we're like a thousand percent positive that's where mac sits all day while we're at work.  he's devoted that's for sure.

2// does anyone else just petrified of these things like i am?

3// she's wisened up to my attempts to get pictures of her.  so now baby b just flies across the room in her attempt to avoid being photog'd.

4// took the hounds to the vet this week.  talk about expensive assholes.  see also: they're fat.

5// i.am.dying over this GoT thing.  just dying.

finally it's on to my favorite part of the week.

which involves moving in a backwards direction and also my ass.  and also whit-zizzle.

p.s. i've been thinking a lot about pocahontas lately and why the wolf would ever cry to the blue corn moon.  because that shit doesn't even make sense.  #colorsofthewind

p.p.s. please tell i'm 100% overreacting about the wisdom teeth.  i think i'm just a giant pussy and wish i could just ignore this till it went away like all my other problems.

      

what would go on your gravestone?

hi. 

i don't have much to offer.  mainly because it feels like my body is falling apart.

specifically because the other morning i woke up with such intense jaw pain i couldn't even handle it.

also i think my vagina is broken.

which means i get to go to two different doctors tomorrow.

which makes me feel things like this:

which isn't necessarily any different than any other day of my life.  but in the case of my doctor-binging appointments i get to pay basically a million dollars out of my pocket because it seems like it's national "shannon-has-crappy-insurance" day.

and ya - come at me with me with "WELL AT LEAST YOU HAVE IT!"

because then i'll freak out and say "ya - kind of."  because i have the super awesome insurance that makes you meet like a kajillion dollar deductible before an insurance company will even begin to look at the immense amount of paperwork that i'm sure goes hand in hand with insurance coverage.  

so basically whatever.  

i don't care.  

i'm probably dying.

and when i do - someone figure out a way to get GIFs onto gravestones and make sure this one is on mine: