Wednesday, October 24

shit plant

back in high school i worked at the waste water treatment plant for a summer (and like one winter season).

in layman's terms - a shit plant. 

apparently the issue with my hometown is the hills.  so in order to get rid of the poop it had to be pumped from homes to various stations around town and then from the stations giant shit trucks would pick up the shit and bring it to the shit plant.  

i swear i'm not making this up.

it was a bad ass job.  because it consisted mainly of cutting grass, getting tan, and taking naps.  and the people i worked with were basically the best ever.

we called ourselves the general and his wet ones - being that it was just one dude surrounded by three chicks on a daily basis.

everyone got along famously and we spent our time getting into all sorts of mischief while we weren't working.  they included, but weren't limited to:

1. during winter shifts - not working till the sun came up.  then by the time the sun came up it was time for break.  then we took post-break breaks.
2. cultivating the name "the BK Broiler" for our manger.
3. posting pictures of high school girls in BK's office.
4. guessing what BK had for lunch every day.
5. skiing on the gravel while we held onto the back of the cushman.
6. looking for the three legged deer.
7. dumpster diving at the incinerator on thursdays after dump day on wednesday.
8. sitting in the BK's office listening to steve czaban until we were told to get to work.
9. sitting in the truck talking about dicks while it rained.
10. learning about n.a.r.b.s. - which for those that don't know stands for "no apparent reason boner."
11. driving in a continuous loop around the plant in an effort to look busy.
12. walking to the garage at 6AM while drinking coffee and watching gary laugh manically while spraying the hose by the septic tank drop off.
13. smelling the septic tank drop off.
14. giving people tours of the preliminary treatment building (the smell, the dumpster full of rice and corn, and the mechanical asshole).
15. having contests to see who could go the longest without working.  record was 40 hours - FYI.
16. spraying a 6 foot tall pricker weed with an entire canister of weed killer and then driving by it on a daily basis and giving it the middle finger till it eventually keeled over and died.
17. arguing over who go to cut the best stations outside of the plant so we could nap uninterrupted by management.
18. taking extended lunch breaks so that we could make it to the gyro place and back.
19. sitting four deep in the front of a pick up truck while one person drove, two people sat in the middle doing nothing, and shot gun doing a drive by "spreading of grass seed."
20. the director of the plant telling us to spread dirt and then catching us in the sludge building dumping it out.  when he asked us what we were doing we responded with "we're not doing this anymore."

there were special days where we did arts and crafts and decorated the general's work gloves.

and sometimes we just stood around fucking grabbing our crotches and acting gangster.

i'm actually not quite sure where i was going with this post.
reminiscing about the good old days, perhaps?  
the days where i could literally do next to nothing for an entire work day and get away with it?  
or the days where i could do the most ridiculous, meaningless shit and also get away with it?

did you  have a bad ass summer job?  
do you wish you could go back?

oh well.  
you can't.
being a grown up sucks.


  1. I worked as a nanny one summer. You know me--whomever thought it was okay to leave me with two kids under 5 should be arrested for child abuse. The boy spent all day masterbating by rubbing his crotch against the bedpost. I never stopped him--it was easier to let him do that than have to watch him.

  2. ROFLMFAO! Your job sounded like my job years ago! I worked at a orange tree company.. where they had like 50 million fucking orange trees and I had to inspect every single one for "greening" and citrus canker... but majority of the time you could catch me... eating... sqautting behind a bush to take a leak... or sleeping my day away while the mexican that was my partner that day (that spoke NO goddamn english) drove the gator around... yeah.. I made them bitches work while I slept off my hangover... HAHAHAHAHAHA

    OH! And that's where I met my exboyfriend from! He was a douche..


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