Monday, March 3

because i can't stop saying 'dirty thirty'

i'm here to write a birthday post.
and it feels like i literally just did one.

but this one is for shitler.
the dude i'm going to marry in two months (which is still slightly mind-blowing).
we've been together for what feels like an eternity and i like to think that we're not like most other couples.  and if there is we should find them and kill them because i want to be the only shanny and shitler.  but you are for sure the only person that i can lay in bed with while eating deli meats and watching heavyweights and not feel like a complete asshole.  and you're the only one who allows me to be mean as shit to you (like i truly want to be with others but can't ever justify).  and you're definitely the only one that will attempt to answer odd questions i ask you.

questions like:

how many times did you jerk off today?  did you watch porn?  what kind?
why don't you let me watch you pee?
are you sure you don't have a gluten allergy?
can i pop this zit on your back while you poop?
when can we get a cat?  what about that duck?  also a mongoose?

and honestly you tolerate me constantly taking pictures of the weird shit you do.
which gives me so many lolz.

so happy birthday shitler.
you are officially thirty and old as fuck.

remember when we were younger, skinnier, and prettier?
ya - me too.

p.s. no mouth hug today.  i have a cough.

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  1. bahaha your relationship is so adorable - very funny. I love it, congrats on your upcoming nuptials - you make a very cute couple.

  2. Happy Birthday Shitler!! The random/odd questions are too funny! The P.S. is the best! Shitler gets no love.

  3. Haha! Fantastic post. My husband turned thirty last year and i, being the loving wife that I am, remind him of his newfound old man status as often as possible. Happy birthday to Shitler the sexiest/most disturbing boyscout I've ever seen!

  4. you're the only couple i know to embrace each others weirdness and add to it. that's a win in my book. ftw

  5. you're marrying a 30 year old?! gross. ;-)

  6. hahaha I've always been weirdly intrigued by my sig other's masturbating habits as well. Glad to know I'm in good company. Also, Shitler is a SEXY girl scout. Damn.

  7. good god yes. shitler the girl scout!

  8. Happy birthday, Shitler. Thanks for not being blog shy and allowing us to laugh at you on the daily. You're a real sport.

  9. wow I love you and shitler so much. I know you like all that bullshit Bravo reality TV and I hate it, but I would legit watch a reality show about you two..even if it was on Bravo.

  10. Happy Birthday Shitler! Mine is next Friday. I'm not 30 though, I'll be 25..and also I've been getting AARP enrollment letters in the mail for the last 2 months which freaks me out a litte


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