Wednesday, February 26

no butt hurts

so the bachelor was on last night.

and for like the last week all ABC has advertised was all the fantasy suite dramz that was going to happen and i just so desperately wanted the dramz to be juan pablo trying to put it in someone's butt.  and not like on accident but on purpose and then for a girl to have a meltdown and maybe that makes me not a girl's girl (obscure real housewives reference) but i was so hoping to be able to use the term "butt hurt" in some sort of joke that actually related to butt stuff.  but whatever i didn't get my wish because apparently the chick wants "someone who will love her more than they love themselves" and i wanted to throw things at the television because she wah'd big time that she wasted all this time and i may have done the math about how much time and money it would cost me to travel to her and strangle her with my bare hands.

because come on you're an idiot if you go on the shit show bachelor and expect to find your one great love.
so naturally i got angry.  and then i turned to this channel thing we have on the roku where you can watch movie trailers and i very quickly found the fault in our stars trailer and watched it literally over and over again until i felt better about myself and also when it looked like it was time for shitler to get home from bowling so i could wash my face from the crying over the trailer for the fault in our stars without shitler all out judging me for being such a cry face baby.

one time i wrote a whole post on books and mainly the fault in our stars.  check it here.
and also i die for this and for the whole book and for the movie.

which, the more i think about it, the more this quote could super duper apply to a stalker.
which gives me the lolz.

but excuse me while i daydream about frolicking in a field of flowers.  you can stalk me there.

p.s. flower image is from here.  i just added the creepy could be stalker line.
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  1. I finished reading this sentence: "money it would cost me to travel to her and strangle her with my bare hands." and then I looked at the pic you have on the right and I literally laughed out loud lol, it goes along perfectly with that paragraph ;) I have a difficult time watching any of those shows because I know of two girls who are models, one was casted for Survivor and the other was casted for Top Chef. MODELS, who were casted ... so I can't wrap my brain around all of this reality TV business.

  2. That show last night made me so mad but also laugh. Like seriously you don't like him, fine walk away! Telling him to stop saying it's ok because it's annoying (to you)!! She needed to be slapped. Ugh!

  3. Ughhhh The Fault in Our Stars... That make me weep in public. Like Kimmie K ugly crying face on the train. Not my finest moment.

    And that fight was fcking painful. Yes, he probs shouldnt have talked about Clare when they were in bed. But really. Did she THINK he would go to the fantasy suite just with her?

    Also, can we talk about NeeKee's horseback riding outfit? Come on now.

  4. Ok I have to read this book now. Only because I read your post about Sharp Objects. Read it and then promptly devoured Dark Places and Gone Girl. What a total mind fuck. All three of them. And now I endlessly search the internets for pics of Gillian Flynn in a short sleeve shirt. Doesn't exist.

  5. While you were hoping for butt sex, I was hoping for a threesome, or foursome I guess. And this is exactly why we are such great friends.

  6. I was highly disappointed in the fantasy suites too!!!

    Anyways, I wanted to comment and tell you that I read that book, because of you..and LOVED it. Although I will be taking a box 'o' Kleenex to the theatre!

  7. i feel like i'm late to the party but you are hilarious and i get borderline inappropriately excited every time you have a new post. also, i wish i could get away with nicknaming my husband "shitler", but he'd probably cry like a little bitch. dying to know if thats how you refer to him in person.


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