Martha Motherfucking Stewart

i've been sewing. 

and i'm happy to report that i still have all of my fingers and they haven't been sewn together.  so in my opinion - even if i didn't have anything to show for my endeavors - i'm still winning.

so here's my baby. 
i haven't named her yet.  i'm taking suggestions.

[caption id="attachment_788" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="she's so damn good looking."][/caption]

i've been to joann fabrics two, too many times and spent far too much money. 
it may or may not be my new favorite place.

[caption id="attachment_789" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="some of my haul."][/caption]

here are my first two projects.  they took me forever.  mainly because i'm terrible at re-threading the machine and have to have lincoln do it for me. 
he gets real annoyed. 

[caption id="attachment_792" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="here's a placemat i'll never use. but it's cute."][/caption]

 

 

[caption id="attachment_796" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="a seat cushion for my ass. because that chair is damn uncomfortable."][/caption]

 

i've been mildly successful.  and i like that.

i've got a lot on my list of things to make.

curtains.

potholders.

pillowcases.

more placemats.

weird things for the cat to wear.

 

the opportunities are endless.  well.  there is a limit.  because i'm not good and my projects still tend to look like shit.

Four Goddamn Hours Later

i embarked on a sewing machine project this afternoon.  it took me four hours.  and this is all i have to show for it:



[polldaddy poll=5791177]

it would be great if you voted.  that way i know the temperature of the crowd and i can go in that creative direction for my next projects.

Steve Jobs Ruined My Life

so i recently got an iPhone and it was absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me (and I don't care what the judgy fucks say about how I should have waited for the new one to come out.  step.off.).

i named her lola and filled her with all sorts of apps:

• tiny tower (an absolute must for all iPhone owners)
• pinterest (i get nothing done)
• the obligatory social media apps (facebook, twitter, etc.)
• rotowire (thanks b - so i can keep up with all the fucking injuries my fantasy team is plagued with)
• stickies

i downloaded this stickies thing last night and it's basically post-it notes for your phone.  do i showed shitler what reminder i needed:

he called me an idiot.

but in my defense, he hates when i dick tap him.  but i really enjoy it.  he gets uncomfortable and squirmy and his reactions are even better when i dick tap in public.but sometimes i forget how much i like to do it - so i added it to my stickies and set an alarm as a reminder.  it'll be different everyday so he'll never see it coming.but my stickies board looked barren and boring so i explored and discovered you can use colored stickies and different shaped stickies.   so i updated my stickies board: