Whiskey, Water, & Whimsy

so the last time i was on the chain up in minocqua, wi i was so hungover that i spent the majority of the terrible boat ride wallowing in my own shame and hangover while every once and awhile leaning over the side of the boat to vomit.  all because i thought it appropriate to pressure myself and others into taking shot after shot after shot of various alcohols the night before.  worst.idea.ever.  i'd like to say that i've learned my lesson since and haven't done anything similar - but that would a lie.
like any other weekend up north it's comprised mainly of drinking, sleeping, more drinking, reading, drinking, eating, and then desperately trying to recover.  and then when the weekend is over you feel as though you need another weekend in order to rest from the shit show you just subjected yourself to.
please see below.
wendy and i decided it would be appropriate to buy these obnoxious clip-in feathers.
worst $5 i've ever spent.


and then shitler insisted on trying it on.

and then ryder channeled his inner jimmy fallon and decided to write thank you notes.

though these are not my legs we did spend quite a bit of time doing this and i managed to devour two books.  while slightly intoxicated.  and i retained most of it.
go ahead, fucking test me.

tell me HOW drinks can't not go down nice and smooth with this straw?

and then all of the sudden everyone was drunk.  again.  and there was a grease soundtrack singalong.

and then a photo shoot where we took photos and one of us didn't like the way one of us looked so we kept taking pictures and i drunkenly declared "the more the better!!"  and then we started doing tequila shots.  or it could have been before.  it's a fucking blur.  oh, and apparently when i say "the more the better!!" i mean 60 fucking photos of me and wendy.  how embarrassing.

i can only imagine what this dog thought of the entire situation.

i felt strangely average come sunday.  so boating wasn't the hellish experience it was last time.

although someone could have contracted tetanus.

if there's one thing i'm proud of - it's the fact that i ingested an obscene amount of food on sunday.  like two diet cokes, a screwdriver, a chicken finger basket that included cole slaw, french fries, and a deep fried breadstick, nacho cheese and chips, string cheese, a bag of bbq chips, red bull, a bag of beef jerky, a hamburger and a bunch of sides, and like 16 bottles of water.  
success.
and this damn song has been on repeat on my iPhone all damn weekend.  

so between the feather clips, photo shoots and this song i have officially reverted back to being a thirteen year old girl.

The Salty Taste in My Mouth

over at one of my favorite blogs she does a piece where she covers things that are making her "ridiculously happy."  check her out.

i'd like to do a spin on that, but just for this week, because i've been happier than normal and i can only contribute it to things i've encountered this week.
1. the civil wars - i've had them on my iPhone for weeks but have just went hardcore on listening to them this week.  it is pure love.
2. this organizer i got for my desk.  i thought it was going to be bigger but when i received it and realized it was baby size - i loved it even more.

3. teaching people lessons.
4. being a bitch.
**sidenote.  3 & 4 often go together.  two birds, people.  two.  birds.
5. anything serial killer related  like this which then leads me to this picture that i discovered the other day:

6. b sent me this last week and i keep forgetting about it.

it's the little things i guess.  i think i'm coming down from my happiness high - because i'm not that happy currently. 
but i also i think it has to do with the fact that there's a highly anticipated rape scene in the book i'm reading and i haven't gotten to it yet.  and i'm getting impatient.  and being impatient makes me unhappy.

Drunken Photo Booth

[gallery order="DESC" orderby="rand"]

i've started three different blogs. the alcohol fog hasn't dispersed from my brain yet so i can't seem to focus on anything.
the pineapple upside down vodka monstrosity that i'm sipping on probably doesn't help.

French Onion Meatloaf is a Gift From the Heavens

today is one of those days where all i've been thinking about is food.  what food i want to eat.  what food i wish i had for lunch other than what i actually have.  what food i have at home that i wish i could hork down (but i won't).  what past food/meals i've eaten. 
pile my food woes on top of the fact that it's fucking freezing outside and all i want to do is go home, crank the mini heater that sits right next to the bed, and crawl into my cocoon of blankets.
also, i'm extremely bored.  so i started going through the massive amounts of pictures on my iPhone and i came across these:

i made a delicious meatloaf for lincoln and B back when i got my perfect meatloaf pan.
french. onion. meatloaf.
it was beyond delicious and pretty similar to a french onion soup only in massive meat form. 
the salad i'm choking down looks like fucking dog shit compared to these photos.

Photo Challenge Motherfuckers.

now that i'm not drinking because of this damn diet i've found that i'm not only more productive but i'm apt to actually follow through on things that i say i'm going to do. 
shocking.  i know.
a lady on flickr posted a photo challenge for 2K12 and i've accepted said challenge.  but only the weekly one.  because the daily one is far too much work.
week one theme: NEW

new habits, new lifestyle, new hobbies, new awesome fucking pincushion snap bracelet.
same attitude though.
also, i'm obsessed with making pillowcases. 

and for the record.  it's been 63 days.  63 days without a drop of alcohol.
i really miss vodka. 
p.s.  happy fucking new year.

Textual Feeling: Oral Fixation

i was playing on my iPhone last night and stumbled upon 69-cent downloads on the iTunes.  not.good.  
not only did i feel like i was getting a great deal on these tunes but i absolutely love buying things on my iPhone.  it's like the products you're selecting for purchase hop/jump into your cart (or whatever that's called on the iPhone).
i made a  playlist that i've been listening to on a loop this morning at work.  it's good shit.  it consists of the following:

1. icky thump by the white stripes
2. what about love by heart
3. hold the line by toto
4. celebrity by twista

dance party at my desk.

anyway, i was perusing the texts between b and me and found the following:
me: every time i burp i taste vodka.  snd bad choices.
b: what the hell were you putting in your mouth after the bar last night?
me: nothing out of the ordinary.
b: oh, yeah, cuz THAT really narrows it down.
me: what are you trying to say?
b: i'm saying that still could be anything.
me: it's not like i'm a toddler.
b: who are you trying to fool?
me: everyone.
b: well, you can't fool me.  i'm better than that.

like twista would say, "don't ever let a brotha pimp you."

Steve Jobs Ruined My Life

so i recently got an iPhone and it was absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me (and I don't care what the judgy fucks say about how I should have waited for the new one to come out.  step.off.).

i named her lola and filled her with all sorts of apps:

• tiny tower (an absolute must for all iPhone owners)
• pinterest (i get nothing done)
• the obligatory social media apps (facebook, twitter, etc.)
• rotowire (thanks b - so i can keep up with all the fucking injuries my fantasy team is plagued with)
• stickies

i downloaded this stickies thing last night and it's basically post-it notes for your phone.  do i showed shitler what reminder i needed:

he called me an idiot.

but in my defense, he hates when i dick tap him.  but i really enjoy it.  he gets uncomfortable and squirmy and his reactions are even better when i dick tap in public.but sometimes i forget how much i like to do it - so i added it to my stickies and set an alarm as a reminder.  it'll be different everyday so he'll never see it coming.but my stickies board looked barren and boring so i explored and discovered you can use colored stickies and different shaped stickies.   so i updated my stickies board:

Textual Feeling - The Middle Finger

you know you have true friends when you randomly get this:

me: that's mean.  and unexpected.  and uncalled for.  but it made me smile.

b: mean, hardly.  unexpected, I will give you.  uncalled for, quite the opposite.  and that was the point.
me: whatever douche.  not to change the subject but i'd like you to know that my tiny tower is coming along tremendously.  and I need some vodka.
b: i would love some vodka.  and i've done all i can to try and find a tiny demolition services app, but to no avail.
me: i'd kill you before you could even attempt such carnage.
b: you are such a liar.  you could never do such a chore.
me: it's not that i wouldn't aspire to it, it's that my overwhelming laziness would consume me.  that and being distracted by playing tiny tower.
lapse in textual conversation ensues...then resumes.
b: stop reading this and get back to work!
me: this text interrupted me while i was playing tiny tower, fuck you very much.
b: SUCCESS!  fuck you, AND your tiny tower.
and then i was feeling creative - so i made these:

 

and then after i saw them i felt like andy warhol.  but then i realized i'm not hanging out with edie sedgewick all day and doing interesting things.  and then the reality of the situation hit me and made me feel bad about myself because i just used paint to make those pictures look cool and warhol was a genius and i most certainly am not. 

so now i'm depressed.
and i'm going to play tiny tower.