a mishmash

guys. i did something this morning. something unheard of.
i dragged my unhappy ass to the gym at 5:15 in the AM. and although it was pitch black dark outside and windy and cold and it felt weird to be there working out when really all i truly wanted to be was cocooned in my blanket fort spooning my dog i will fully admit that i kind of feel like i could almost take on the world right now.  but i could be confusing the take over the world feeling with ravenous all-consuming hunger but that's neither here nor there.  and this feeling of accomplishment that i'm currently feeling is only rivaled by the feeling of accomplishment i have after i take a shower.  so really it's the little things. or whatever.
also guys. today marks six months of being married to shitler. where's my medal?  because i damn sure deserve one when this beast is what you're married to.

but anyway.

really i just wanted to tell you that i can't believe i actually worked out at 5:15 this morning.  that's one for the record books, methinks.  people don't do gifts for this halfway, almost to a year of being married anniversary, do they?  i hope not.  if they do then my gift to shitler is me going to the gym this morning and also only being half way drunk when he gets home from bowling tonight. 

HAPPY DAY TO YOU SHITLER.

also can we talk about how six months ago we were frolicking on a beach and now it's november and politics is upon us and it's cold and i don't want to do anything at all except eat and hibernate?

p.s. this is a fun wedding photo that sometimes makes me want to "squeeeee!"

p.p.s. i wish i were better at blogging.

thank you - jimmy fallon style

so deals.  everyone loves them, right? does anyone love them in like an unhealthy way?  like maybe when you find a deal you capitalize on it in an obsessive way.  like obsessive in a way that you buy everything they have available and then laugh maniacally.   like some sort of deranged cartoon villain? kind of like this?

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no?  just me? well it's true.  it's mildly orgasmic when i score a phenomenal deal. i mean my wedding?  technically the wedding is free and we just have to pay for the two week vacation and flight which feels like peanuts compared to the nutso price some psychos pay. my wedding dress?  one hundred dolla make you holla. the kindle i just bought was the same price as my dress and for some odd reason that makes me giggle (less actually).

but i digress.  because mainly i just want to talk about thank you cards.  and what a giant money pit they are. it occurred to me that having a bridal shower and a giant party when we get back from the wedding is going to mean that people are probably going to get us stuff and that means that i'm going to have to turn around and buy thank you cards, fill them out, and then mail them.  and mainly i only started thinking about this because i got a thank you card like two weeks ago and i couldn't for the life of me remember what i had even bought the person (and even worse that they remind you of what you bought and you're all "that's what i bought them, hey?") nor for what event it had been for (and no - i don't get invited to a lot of events - i'm just that remedial).

there's a point to this.  i swear. because yesterday i walked into the other money pit in my life (target) and went straight for that $1 section area where they have tons of shit you think you need but you really don't and it was there that i discovered packs of thank you cards.  FOR ONE DOLLAR EACH.  i'm glad i was the only way one in that area because the amount of excited jubilation i immediately began to outwardly demonstrate was highly embarrassing.  so i bought every.single.package that said "thank you" on it and felt like a boss.

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so $40 and forty packages of thank you cards later (i did the math for you in case you're bad at math like i am) i'd like to think i'm pretty much set for thank you cards.  and so naturally i had to excitedly tell shitler all about my triumphant victory.  and naturally he responded like the asshole he is with a "enjoy filling all those out by yourself."

and i thought to myself - "ya, i will enjoy myself.  because i hope people like jimmy fallon thank you note quips and a shitload of glitter."

because that's what they'll be getting.

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weddings are exhausting

i am like 100% over all things wedding. that includes but certainly isn't limited to my own.
frankly between the showers (which i wrote about here) to the nightmare that my destination wedding has turned into (wrote about that here) i'm feeling slightly disheartened about everything.  because, to be honest, people seem to always want to make their bullshit your bullshit.  as if we don't already have enough bullshit of our own.  i just want everything about my wedding to be nonsenical and fun.  if you don't like to drink and make poor choices in tropical locations then you probably shouldn't come.  and everyone should stop trying to saddle me with the eight thousand excuses of why they're not able to come or why they haven't booked yet.  because the bottom line is that i don't care.  
if you're going - SUPER DUPER SEE YOU THERE. if you're not going - SMELL YOU LATER.
basically i just want to look really, really pretty on my wedding day. like cassie did.

and then i just want a whole lot of ridiculous shit/drunkenness to happen afterwards.

which isn't a whole lot different than like any other normal day but it will look kind of like this.

a shirtless shitler.

my personal favorite.

p.s. just imagine beaches and a pool/the ocean in the background of all these shots and you should have a pretty good idea of what the wedding will be like.

on this day

the day of my best friend's wedding.

which is actually tomorrow. but you get it. 

so because i have a lot of celebrating to do i won't have time for any of you and i don't even care.  BYE.