Thursday, September 19

the first of many nightmares i can only now assume will happen

once upon a time, on the morning of a departure to mexico for a destination wedding, shitler and shannon got engaged.  one of them was naked and hungover but that's neither here nor there.
everything was fantasically easy and breezy and beautiful (thank you maybelline).


naturally, having seen how seamless this destination wedding crap was, shannon and shitler decided to go the same route.  after much research and pouring over resort after resort shannon decided on the palace resorts.
they had her at in-room hot tubs and booze dispensers.

seems like an obvious choice. #AmIRight

shockingly - shannon and shitler did things in a timely manner.  they informed people of their plan (a courtesy so others could save the monies).  they picked a local travel agent.  they signed the contract for the wedding date.

MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU (and also with you).

they booked their two week stay.  they then let ALL the people know.  and having done so they sat back, kicked off their shoes, and laughed at all the other fools and their non-destination wedding nightmares.  one by one people booked and all was right in the world.  or so they thought.

until yesterday.  when shannon's parents contacted the travel agent to make the necessary arrangements to book their stay.  and like a nuclear bomb had been dropped it was discovered that the resort had issued black out dates for may 1st and may 2nd (as in NO ROOM AT THE INN) with limited room availability on may 3rd and a few more the day of the nuptials.  as shannon sat back and did a mental check list of all those that had to book it dawned on her that those people included not only her parents but also her brothers, their photographer friend (you know - THE ONE TAKING THE PICTURES), shitler's brothers, and the best man (among others).  COOL.

so shannon did the only thing she could think of.  she called the resort and threw a fit.  and when throwing a fit didn't make rooms magically available she tried something else.  she cried.  and not well - since there are still no rooms available.  after spending an hour on the phone battling not only the room shortage but also a language barrier shannon was able to scrounge up one extra room for her parents on the nights they had originally wanted.
but that was it.  FINITO.

so what are the options you ask?

the options are as follows:
1. people book ASAP and are lucky enough to arrive the day before the wedding.
2. people book kind of ASAP and are lucky enough to arrive the day OF the wedding.
3. people book their stay at a sister resort that's just a mere 45 minutes away and have the luxury of paying for a cab each day that they want to come to the resort where everyone else is staying.

leave it to shannon to pick the smallest resort.  the nicest resort.  the most popular resort.

this is what she gets for doing something that for every other person on the face of the planet should be easy.
so for now - shannon is going to ignore the problem until hopefully it fixes itself.

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  1. Uhhhh I'm going to need the name of the resort so that I can go live there, thanks.

    Also, WHAT THE FUCK, RESORT. Don't they know that this is (one of) the weddings of the year?!? Horseshit. They should refund you in booze.

  2. Potential Solution Scenerio:

    Look at fine print. Phone a friend in legal aid. Drop a bunch of legal, "I sue you" jargon and see if they start humming a different tune. Knowing that you had YOUR WEDDING booked there (I'm guessing you had to give them a rough estimate of the number of guests?), they can't charge you without providing what they promised. Which, I'm guessing, was that you AND your guests would get to do the whole shebang there.

    Even if they didn't promise it, having just enough legal knowledge to be dangerous can go a long way. [i.e. start spouting lawyer-y slang like "pro-bono," "I object!," and "Indemnification." The language barrier may, in fact, help your case....]

    Hope that helps!

  3. They can't do that if you informed them of your wedding, the guest count, and actually went ahead and booked it BEFORE they did the black out thing. They have to let you know about that ahead of time or else it states in your contract there was no such black out and then my friend, they would be ass fucked very hard with no lube. And that my good sir, is the best possible scenario for them and they should be grateful worse doesn't happen to their asses, like porno worse.

  4. ass. holes. I'd be super cranky. Also it sounds like you handled it the right way with temper tantrum then crying. You should piss in the hot tub on the way out.

  5. Let's put the smack down on them!! I second the sick some lawerly mumbo jumbo on them and some voodoo jargon and hope it scares them into opening some rooms.

  6. I told you what you needed to do. GO that route damn it.


  7. I vote that we all blast that resort on Twitter and if that doesn't work you do what other people suggested and you throw legal jargon in there a la Elle Woods when she gets Paulette's dog back.

  8. I second what J said.. or also I can just go kick some ass somewheres? OR you and Shitler can just get drunk and married alone but make the photographer is there so we can all witness it at a later date.

  9. it will all work out! don't even sweat it! tell all the people at the other hotel to pool their money and rent a pick up truck and cart everyone around in the back of it. that's totally legit in mehico

  10. It will all work out! I have been tossing round the idea of a destination wedding, but then I don't know if I'll be able to have all the people I want at my wedding because, let's be honest, plane tickets and resort tickets aint cheap!

  11. Oh. My. God. I'm doing the destination wedding thing too and I had NO IDEA this could even be a problem.

    Also, check with the resort about their day pass policy. The resort we are getting married at is all-inclusive so anyone who wants to come in for the wedding but isn't staying there has to buy a day pass...for $80.

  12. You should have told them that your name was Katrina and you will do to them what you did to all of the south. That usually get's me what I want.

  13. Tequila. The answer is tequila.

    Please tell the bartender: "Puedes hacerlo con Jimador?" or, "Can you make that with Jimador?"

    It's bad enough that the resort did this to you. I don't want you drinking shitty tequila on top of it.

  14. VODKA, that's your answer for now.

    and seriously, BLAST that hotel on twitter/social media. facebook page? BOMBARD with nasty/negative comments about poor customer service etc. that's what i would do. i hope it all works out!

    Vodka and Soda

  15. ohhh nooooo... That's shitty... I hope it all works out girl!

  16. My BFF is planning a destination wedding for Nov. 2015. I'd be lying if I said I was over the moon about it. Instead, it's like the fucking moon is sitting on my chest. Oh, I'm all excited to go to the caribbean and have a real vacation and all of that all-inclusive awesomeness. But until then? I help plan and save all my pennies.

    All your non-booked people should plan to stay the 45 mins away. Place the blame on them for not booking early. Slackers.

  17. i am here hoping with you, girl.
    also, i love nothing more than i love blasting companies on twitter. so if that goes down i totally want in!

  18. Noooooooo! This is terrible :( I'm sorry. I will swim to you.

  19. Hot damn, this sucks. Majorly. I have no helpful solution...But as the bride, I'd say it's not your problem.

  20. Hahaha lovin the arrow captions, but otherwise...can you move everything to a different resort possibly or is there already money involved?


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