Friday, September 27

regression: party of one

once upon a time we were a one dog household.
and shannon and shitler saw that it was good.  so did murphy lee.

until one day when someone decided to show shannon an ad for delicious puppies in the local newspaper.
and for her puppy mother's day gift shitler agreed that they should get a second dog.
and so mac was born.

and it was then that shannon and shitler didn't realize what they had till it was gone.
i mean - don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?
as in a delightfully well-behaved dog.  i.e. murphy lee.
because it was mac who came barreling in like the destroyer of all the things.

and as the years went by his antics got less and less cute because he no longer looked like this:

but lately he's been out of control.
and by out of control i mean more tampon eating till he shits out whole tampons, ingesting pieces of toys till he pukes them up, and on more than one occasion in the last two weeks having explosive diarrhea in our bed.
it's fucking madness.

and murphy lee is all:

but it's impossible not to love that naughty son of a bitch.
because raging boners and all that guy is my ride or die bitch.

basically this is the antithesis of sarah's fan friday.  because ya - i'm a fan of my dogs.
but like no - i'm not a fan of of the vomit inducing messes he's been leaving around the hizzle.


i like this song.  what up whitty.
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  1. There's always that one sibling who has to be the bad one. He wins at all the things.

  2. Explosive diarrhea in your bed? Yummy.
    Good luck to Murphy Lee on the mulligan.
    I too made the same mistake and have an uncontrollable shit show of a dog. I wouldn't have it any other way.

  3. Mother fuck. That goddamn song. I blame my tweet. Im such a fucking dick.

    And now I am singing it.... love it.

    That picture of Mac as a puppy is ADORABLE! I want him. I will trade you Teagan for Mac or Murph. For an hour. I can't take dog boners. Shit I can handle. I wipe ass. But if it's explosive and on my bed... no. Just no.

  4. Tampons... explosive diarrhea... la la... good god shannon you are starting this weekend so wonderfully.

  5. Ewww the diarrhea in the bed! Barf! Good luck on the Mulligan i.e. not gonna happen! ;)

  6. Yea, been there done that. Irene was great all by herself..Then Bubba came along and has been fuckin shit up ever since! Gotta love them though! :)

  7. bahahahahah everytime i read your posts it MAKES my day. I have a little shit too!!!!! She just happens to have been the FIRST dog :P when the second came around her shit came out quite literally and figuratively

  8. haha I have one of those dogs too. She is my first and will probably be my only until I'm married (in some far away future) and can tell my husband that it's his dog so he gets to clean up the shit.

  9. Holy shit balls. We have a cat, were thinking about a dog, and are now thinking better of it. At the very least, it's difficult for the cat to get his little tiny cat teeth around a tampon, let alone swallow the thing whole. I'll take a torn up tampon over a poop-covered one any day.

  10. Hahaha poor Murph, he's all... this is some shit ma. What were you thinking? Love Mac's shit the bed face. Priceless.

  11. Ohmygoodness he was such an adorable baby!!! At least he keeps things interesting?

  12. And the award for best photo and caption pairings goes to YOU. And Mac. Because he is an evil genius.

  13. I have a Mac. Mac be cray. I think it is in the name. Only my Mac is 7 lbs of white fluff so his messes aren't as large I am sure.

  14. This whole Ashlee Simpson album (were there any others?) was my jam. Also my dog sucks too. And loves tampons.

  15. my dog ate the crotch out of all the underwears in the house. Dirty or clean, she didn't discriminate...i was more sad to lose her in my divorce than the husband. and he didn't even eat dirty underwear so you can tell how much i liked it...

  16. I love everything about you and your goofy ass dogs that grace my snapchat on the reg.

  17. I read this and it was so funny I peed a little. Sorry for the overshare.


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