Tuesday, September 3

rubber necking - as in you can't stop watching shitler dance

i feel like this is a space where i can write about things that are super terrible and have all the kids reading it be ok with it.  and to be honest - even if you're not ok with it i'm going to write about it anyway.  
i have the world's worst menstrual cycle.  
there.  i said it.
like the worst in that i'm convinced that every month my insides are trying to kill me by actively trying to bleed me out.  and yes - i've been on the pill and am back on the pill but even when i'm on the pill i feel like my reproductive parts are all "HAHAHA NICE TRY SHANNON BUT WE CAN'T STOP AND WE WON'T STOP (but no i don't think my insides have the voice of miley cyrus)."  basically i just want everyone that reads this to know that like officially i had my period  more than i didn't have it in the month of august.  like some sick period gods were in the mood to smite me with their red devil and i was just here to endure it.  and just so you kids have an idea of the actual length of time let me tell you that i started riding the crimson wave on august eighth and surfed it till the twenty-second.  and thankfully was granted a brief reprieve until the twenty-eighth where she reared her ugly head again and made her presence known.  so in case you're bad at math (like me) i battled the red dragon for nineteen days last month.  and FYI - the battle still rages on.  i wasn't really going anywhere with that except i just want you kids to feel sorry for me and maybe give me a virtual hug and/or a punch to the uterus.
worked all day.  which was lame.  but now i have that goddamn car to pay for so i just feel uber guilty if i'm not working and making money to pay for her pricey ass.  but when work was finally done it meant it was play time.
and by play time i mean beer pong and nonsense at the house of boners.  which is code for the home that shitler's brother and cousin live in.  oh and also john mayer was there.

i think dreams are made of mimosas and BLTs and buffalo chicken wraps and baskets of french fries (or freedom fries - whatever you like to call them) and scheming and also samm.  because all those things happened on saturday when mine and samm's worlds collided.  and to quote the lord "it was good."
basically samm and i got the whack job idea planning a religious road trip all over the country and then samm got overly zealous and i had to gently remind her that said road trip isn't going to happen until 2K15 on account of that damn wedding that i happen to be a part of.  she was none too pleased.

long holiday weekends are like expected, unexpected presents.  because you know they're coming but you're still so surprised and overly thankful that they've arrived.  don't get me wrong - i enjoy a good black out sunday as much as the next girl but most times you need to reign it on account of not wanting to spend eight hours at your work desk contemplating the different ways you could either kill yourself or subtly throw up and have no one know about it.  so i think i can speak for most people when i kept catching myself trying to moderate my drinking on sunday and then shitler would drunkenly yell something about "NOT FUCKING WORKING TOMORROW!" and i would remember and then slam another cocktail.

monday was pointless.  i slept for like seven hours, woke up, laid on the couch like a piece of shit, then napped, then gorged myself on food for the rest of the night.  i honestly can't believe how attractive i am.
lastly - shitler pretty much shut shit down on sunday with his dance moves.
you can check out my ginstagram for those videos but i've gone ahead and included my favorite one from the weekend.  it's upwards of two minutes long but i promise that it's totally worth it.
now don't mind me as i pester ellen on twitter for the rest of the day with this video.
won't you join me?

p.s. linking up with sami.  obviously.
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  1. i have the worst one. i really do too. it's so terrible and I'm in pain for forever, oh and it's gross. and there's no problem with laying on the couch on labor day. that's what you're supposed to do isn't it?

  2. I just love all of this! Shitler for president!

  3. I spent this weekend thinking my stupid period had ruined my lovely 3 day weekend but I can see now your's pretty much ruined your whole month and I'm so sorry. I vote we let guys take on the period having and us girls just sit around and scratch some balls for a while.

  4. Those dancing videos were truly one of the highlights of my weekend! Love them so much!

  5. umm can we talk about the bow on the dog? beautiful. end talk. Also, I'm willing to look past shitler's shirt because his dance moves offered me minutes of laughter this weekend. I know that 'minutes' sounds less dramatic than 'hours' but I thought that it might be weird if I told you that I watched your instagrams for hours. yah?

  6. If anyone else wrote all those details about their period I'd be so grossed out. But it's you and I don't even mind.

  7. is shitler for rent? im pretty sure I'd pay to have him dance at a party. Also, Aunt Flo sucks balls and I hate her.

  8. Bloggers hanging out FTW. Can you come next time? Okay great.

  9. Haha looks like you had a great weekend. I lv the Criminal shirt lol Too funny:)

  10. I used to subtly throw up at work by going to the gas station next to my office for "a coffee" it happened more than i care to admit.

  11. Yea if I Overly drink on a workday week..I sliently figure out how to kill myself slowly and painfully. It's always fun!

  12. Those IG videos made my life.

    You and Samm meeting made me happy.

    Basically you make me happy.


  14. mm definitely a virtual hug for that one! I'm totally with you there, I can expect waves every 2 weeks, and I've been on a higher dose of pills for seven years. I'm convinced nature hates me and I just need to stop caring, and maybe it'll stop caring about me and give up!!

  15. i think i actually love him. and not your ovaries.

  16. How sad is it that my MOST favorite thing was how excited and into the dog was? :)


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