High Five 4 Friday

if i had a horse i would name it "friday" and ride it all the time.
i guess that doesn't make much sense.  except that i was thinking about the adams family movie and the character wednesday and i guess i don't understand how the rest of the days of the week never really took off as names for weird children.
but that's neither here nor there.  but what is here is the link up with lauren at from my grey desk.

1. i got new shoes this week.  and they double as both footwear and also weapons because of the spikes.

2. this calamari.  i don't get it.  you're squid but you deep fried in the shape of an elephant.  

make up your damn mind.

3. shitler got a new gun.  and it's basically all he fucking talks about.  

and then the other day we had this conversation:

shitler: i just really want to kill something.

me: uh, don't go around saying that out loud.

4. totally ordered stickers of all my instagram photos through printstagram.

i'm stoked.

5. we went to dinner with friends for their son's birthday this week.  

and there's honestly never a dull moment.  

shitler and the birthday boy played the states game in the backseat after dubbing it the handjob area.  if anyone is interested in how to play the state game you do the following:

place your hand on the knee of the person you're playing with.  think of a state.  every time they're wrong; slide your hand closer to their crotch area.  needless to say, shitler guessed mississippi every time.  typical.

not to mention that dinner got interesting when this conversation was had:

foy: everyone - shannon got a reverse brazilian today at our crotch waxing appointment.

shitler: seriously?

me: no, it's all gone.

foy: what?  you get all of it waxed?

me: ya, why would you bother to leave anything?

foy: i need to have the landing strip.  otherwise pat (her husband) doesn't know his way around.

Coffee Talk Installment 9

coffee talk with nat - because it's thursday.  link up and check it out.



1. when is your birthday?  how old will you be?  what is your sign?
my birthday is in may.  
i'll be twenty-fucking-eight.  
and i'm a gemini.  
but i don't think i'm all the way gemini.  because when i read my stupid horoscope stuff only half of it applies.  and then i read some taurus stuff and only half of that applies.  so i think i'm straddling the two (shut it perverts).

take this for instance.  i hate moving around.  i love my couch - and being stationary (preferably horizontal on it).  i do love gadgets.  and i do love arguing (ask shitler) and i hate making commitments (see me make plans with you and then desperately try to get out of them because when i made the plans i thought it was a good idea but now that it's time to pay the piper i can't stop thinking about laying on my couch and not leaving my house).  BUT, i love wasting time.  so go figure.

2. what's the best birthday gift you've ever gotten?  what is the worst gift?
i don't know.  when i turned 21 shitler gave me this spinny alcohol thing that you put various bottles in.  i had grand plans for that.  like put a different bottle of alcohol in every spout and then laminate a tiny picture and attach it to the base and then invite everyone over and play spin-the-bottle-of-alcohol-and-take-a-shot-of-whatever-it-lands-on-till-you-puke.  but that never came to fruition.  obviously.

whatever game i did play with it that night was certainly effective.

i prefer that people don't make a giant deal over my birthday.  because frankly - awesome i'm a year older and i don't give a shit.  just like i didn't give a shit last year.  i guess the worst type of birthday gift would be something that's completely not you and then you have to put on that cheesy, fake grin and act like you love it and then go home and throw it in a closet and forget about it.

3. do you like having birthday parties for yourself?  what about surprise birthday parties?
i mainly like drinking for my birthday.  so if you'd like to come over and ball on a budget and hit the bottle hard with me in the comfort of my home - then you're invited.  or if you want to meet me at the bar and buy me shots then we can do that too.  i'm not really into crowds.  or having to entertain people so parties aren't usually something i favor.  
surprise parties?  gross - and even worse.  because what if someone you have been avoiding gets invited and then you're surpise-forced to hang out with them?  ugh.  i'll throw a surprise party for others though.  like shitler.  once i threw a surprise party for him and it was awesome.

4. what is your dream birthday party bash?
omg.  a giant room full of couches and all my best gals can each have a couch and a bottle of alcohol of their choosing.  then we lay all day and watch bravo and then movies like practical magic, cruel intentions, anything with usher or nick canon (drum line - obvi), crossroads, etc.  and also food.  like copious amounts of food.  and never having to get up to go to the bathroom.

5. what is your favorite kind of birthday cake?
totally marble.  don't give me that plain vanilla bullshit.
and maybe princess jasmine on it.  like my second-grade birthday cake.

6. what is on your birthday wish list?
winning the lottery.  
or finding someone that wants to pay off my student loans.  
and vodka.

oh, and if you want to come do this with me on my birthday - that would be awesome.
and totally comfortable.

In Which I Pretend This Post Is About The Packers But We All Know Who It's Really About - Baby B

iiiiiii don't wanna work - i  wanna bang on my drum all day.

that's the song that plays at packer games and bars in celebration of packer dominance after they score a touchdown.
like this type of celebration.

but in all honesty - i'm not sure how anyone gets anything done when baby b is around.  

no working.  

no banging on drums.

because she is a laugh riot all the time.

she wanted to watch redzone.

and stare at shitler

and consistently push me away and declare shitler to be hers.

she's too much.
a freaking lunatic half the time - but the kind of lunatic i enjoy being around.

canine saturday

these dorks say "happy saturday."

High Five 4 Friday

it's that time again.
and don't get me wrong.  i'm excited that it's friday.  
but not excited that i have to work fourteen hours today. 
and then more work tomorrow night.
and at some point i should go to the gym.  and do laundry.  and clean my disgusting house.

but in the meantime let's link up with lauren at from my grey desk and high five the shit out of this friday.

1. baby b channeling ODB - "bitch, gimme my money!"

2. i win.

3. these two fucking whack-jobs.  i can't even handle the hairy one.  you can decide which one i'm talking about.

4. last night shitler and i had shrimp and lobster ravioli.  followed by champagne and caramel filled ice cream cones.  i then slipped into a food coma at 8PM.

5. i can't handle places like busy shopping centers.  i feel like i'm going to have a panic attack and then i get irrationally angry and end up buying ridiculous things that i don't even need.  

like my new hedgie candles.

Coffee Talk Installment 8

exciting stuff today kids!  it's coffee talk time with natalie.
PLUS i'm co-hosting and yours truly came up with the questions.
i know - i'm basically the most awesome person you've ever encountered.



1. if you could punch any celebrity in the face who would it be and why?
eva longoria and shaun white.  fuck them both.

eva because she annoys the ever-living shit out of me.  she can take her stupid desperate house-wife bullshit, her tony parker divorce, and her friendship with mario lopez and cram it up her ass.  for whatever reason she has a face and a personality that makes me want to rip out her hair and then make her eat it.

shaun white because HELLO THAT'S OBVIOUS.  it's shaun white and his hair and his wannabe hippie shit.  i've never had a bigger compulsion then my need to take a fucking razor to his head and then punch him in the face.

2. if you could go streaking anywhere and get away with it - where would you do it?

ok, i would warm up to a major streaking-fest by streaking through the homes of my friends.  chances are they probably wouldn't call the cops and this way i could work on timing, performance, and technique.  plus, the practice rounds would help me increase my speed and enable me to pull off something bigger and better.  then i would move on to streaking through my local grocery store that i frequent often.  they see me often enough so it's semi-personal but also public enough to really put myself out there (literally).  my master-piece would be the super bowl.  preferably when the packers are in it.  then i wildly run naked circles around aaron rodgers, jordy nelson, and clay matthews.

3. what's more important to a relationship: common values or commonalities (like tastes in music, interests, etc.)?
i would like to think that pretty much anyone can be together.  i mean if you find out that the person you're married to believes in being a serial killer - deal breaker (unless your'e married to dexter).  if the person you're with likes nickleback - also a deal breaker.  little things like differences in common values and commonalities shouldn't keep people apart.  in fact, if you're truly meant to be with one another then a lack of common values or commonalities shouldn't matter at all.
except i'm totally serious about the nickelback thing.  that's always a deal breaker.

4. would you rather be insane in a functional society or one of the people running a dysfunctional society?
i like to think that we all have to be a little insane in order to exist in the type of world we live in nowadays.
but i would definitely choose running a dysfunctional society.  like tyrant-style.  but i only want certain types of dysfunction.
so if i could choose i would pick these types of crazy:

via

via

i just think it would be easy to placate their particular type of crazy with m&m's and religious literature.

but if it were a world full of britneys?  no thank you.  there's no rhyme or reason to her dysfunction and i don't feel like i could maintain or plan for her next psychotic breakdown.

via

who are we kidding - it looks like she's planning some sort of mass insanity exodus.

5. what's your favorite type of pickle?  dill?  bread 'n butter?  spicy?
dill.  all day.every day.
don't even talk to me about those kinds.  #yak