no risk. no reward.

this is treacherous walk down to the house.

and before you get judgy know this - salting it is borderline pointless.
because you salt.  and then snow at the top of the hill melts, runs down the steps, and then freezes all over again.
so basically it's like a fun obstacle course.  or like american gladiators only the american gladiators are all the ice.  and if they win then it means you probably broke your neck.

SO - if you come over (you can - you're invited) and make it down the steps i will be waiting for you with a prize.  
and that prize is a cocktail.  you're welcome.

p.s. waiver forms are that the top of the hill.  
everyone needs to sign them.  
in the event that you eat shit and die/break your leg/bust your face/look like a fool i'd like to be covered legally so you can't sue me for the money that i don't have. 

p.p.s. i added the bokeh so it would look magical.  or whimsical.
or at least a lot less like a death trap.

if you have to deal with winter 

what do you think is the worst part?

if you don't have to deal with winter - then WHATEVER BYE.

the best kind of weekends involve puppies

this weekend was mainly filled with puppies and babies.
which is pretty ok in my book.
and even better that they're not mine so i don't have to deal with accidents in the house or dirty diapers.  
so that's always a win.

1. got a stellar 66 cent tip from friends of mine that came into the restaurant.
kidding.  they like to try and be cute and leave a shitty tip and then give me cash after i've looked at the tip.  
AND i even drew a penis and a bunch of hearts all over their receipt.
so they better be grateful.
2. uncle rico and his big block of a head.
3. black swan cometh for you.
4. a couple of couch snugglers.
5. oh ok puppy sad face - knock it off.  it's just too much.
6. uncle rico is also a drunk.

thank you pretty lake and pretty sky.

she's all "hey dick - those are mine."

party collar time.

 how was your weekend?

everything you had hoped it would be and more?

boop

i keep this picture with me for obvious reasons.
for lol's.

an open letter to all high school students

after encountering some high school students recently it got me to thinking about my own formative years.
and i thought since i didn't turn out all that bad that maybe i could give some high school students some advice.

here goes.

1. stop listening to your shit music.
instead i recommend n'sync, britney, backstreet boys, and christina.
it didn't fail me then and it hasn't failed me now.

2. listen to your parents.
i swear they're not out to get you.  
they're most likely trying to ensure that you're not getting knocked up or getting someone else knocked up.

3. stop trying to be cooler than everything.
you're actually not cool at all.  trust me.
reflect back in five years and you'll know exactly what i'm talking about.

4. get a fucking job.
and get used to it.

5. curfews aren't your enemy.
i guarantee that denny's at 1am isn't better than being cocooned in your own bed.

6. don't be a shit-head to people.
being nice will get you everywhere.  i promise.
and it's not actually all that difficult.

7. stop hanging out at the mall.
you get in the way of everyone else.
and we all know the money you're spending is just money you managed to shake down from your parents.  
make room for the people that have their own, actual money to spend.
*if you'd like your own money please see number four.*

8. don't rush into adulthood.
i swear to god it's not all that it's cracked up to be.
grown up life is filled with bills, and responsibility, and bullshit.

9. ask people to a dance in a normal manner.
you are not on laguna beach.  you do not need a banner hung over a major highway.
do it the old fashioned way and like actually talk to them to their face.

10. if you think you're trying.  try a little harder.
try to work a bit harder, try to care about people a little more, try to be less selfish.
believe me when i say it will work to your benefit in the future.

couple of high school lovers

if you could give high school students a bit of advice - 

what would it be?

p.s. happy valentines day.  
and if you're around me and you pronounce it "valentimes" expect me to punch you in the throat.

four eyes upgrade and a GIVEAWAY

this is not all the way a dig.
but going through my blog reader and seeing some bloggers do giveaway after giveaway after review after review is mind-numbingly boring/annoying. 

so with that said - here's my first review.  and my first giveaway.
firmoo contacted me awhile back and offered me a free pair of glasses.
so naturally, after a lot of fist-pumping, i readily accepted.
because who doesn't love free shit.  like useful free shit.  like glasses.  which are expensive.
a couple of pairs of glasses ago i dropped over three hundred dollars on the exam, the lenses, and the frames and i wasn't even all that in love with them.  and for three hundred dollars those glasses should be wining and dining me till i put out on the first date.  which leads me to firmoo.  

i got these bad boys. 

firmoo saved me the trouble of actually having to leave my house with their website (and we all know how much i hate that).  i just uploaded an obnoxious picture of myself and went through their entire array of glasses till i settled on the ones that looked the least terrible on me (and when i'm talking terrible i'm referring to myself - not the glasses).  the biggest selling point for me in regards to glasses are that they're as sturdy as they come.  

because i break shit.  
a lot.  

i got these in the mail the morning we left for a major binge drinking wedding and these glasses came out unscathed - making me one extremely happy camper.

that.  they survived all of that.
so it goes without saying that i'm a customer of firmoo's for life.
i'm sure you're probably thinking "OH OK shannon.  of course you would love them.  you got them for free."  
and it's true - that is a big part of why i love them.  
BUT - guess what?  firmoo is letting me give a pair away FO FREE suckas.  so you're welcome.
there are just two stipulations:
1. the free pair the winner chooses cannot be designer.
2. the winner must pay for shipping (which, FYI, is like all of $8 or something).

so do yourself a favor and enter the giveaway below.
leave a comment letting me know which pair you would choose and follow the blog via google friend connect.
mainly please enter the giveaway so i can give someone glasses and so i don't feel so shitty about myself if no one enters.  please.
i beg you.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

**the products noted above were provided to me for free.  any product claim should be verified with the manufacturer or provider.**  

danger is my middle name

drunken showering is hands down the most dangerous thing i do.
and also one of my favorites.

showering when i'm drunk gives me this false sense of attempting to sober up before i reach that critical "i'm going to hurl" moment.  not to mention i think i'm basically the sexiest thing ever when drunken showering as the water is sluicing down my body and i'm belting out celine dion in a voice so terrible i don't think the mutts can even stomach it.

but who on earth is letting me drunk shower?

that shower is wet and slippery and my balance is already questionable when i'm in a sober state of mind.
it's inevitable that i'll slip and fall.
and crack my skull open.
and then, since i've been drinking heavily, my blood will be thin and i'll bleed out.
and it'll look like a goddamn crime scene.

but worst yet - since i'm drunk the chances of me completing any shower tasks are low.
so when someone does discover my naked body it'll be like half-way shaved and covered in soap.
which will mask the smell of booze and/or death.

a throw back photo.

like i probably drunk showered after i tried to molest this girl.
in a friendly way, of course.

what's your favorite thing to do while drunk?