Thursday, February 14

an open letter to all high school students

after encountering some high school students recently it got me to thinking about my own formative years.
and i thought since i didn't turn out all that bad that maybe i could give some high school students some advice.

here goes.

1. stop listening to your shit music.
instead i recommend n'sync, britney, backstreet boys, and christina.
it didn't fail me then and it hasn't failed me now.

2. listen to your parents.
i swear they're not out to get you.  
they're most likely trying to ensure that you're not getting knocked up or getting someone else knocked up.

3. stop trying to be cooler than everything.
you're actually not cool at all.  trust me.
reflect back in five years and you'll know exactly what i'm talking about.

4. get a fucking job.
and get used to it.

5. curfews aren't your enemy.
i guarantee that denny's at 1am isn't better than being cocooned in your own bed.

6. don't be a shit-head to people.
being nice will get you everywhere.  i promise.
and it's not actually all that difficult.

7. stop hanging out at the mall.
you get in the way of everyone else.
and we all know the money you're spending is just money you managed to shake down from your parents.  
make room for the people that have their own, actual money to spend.
*if you'd like your own money please see number four.*

8. don't rush into adulthood.
i swear to god it's not all that it's cracked up to be.
grown up life is filled with bills, and responsibility, and bullshit.

9. ask people to a dance in a normal manner.
you are not on laguna beach.  you do not need a banner hung over a major highway.
do it the old fashioned way and like actually talk to them to their face.

10. if you think you're trying.  try a little harder.
try to work a bit harder, try to care about people a little more, try to be less selfish.
believe me when i say it will work to your benefit in the future.

couple of high school lovers

if you could give high school students a bit of advice - 
what would it be?

p.s. happy valentines day.  
and if you're around me and you pronounce it "valentimes" expect me to punch you in the throat.

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  1. Man, I wish someone would have told me these things when I was a teen! Haha I love it :) Happy V-day!

  2. Too late.I'm in my senior year in high school, and I've done all this shit already.

  3. -smoking is not cool
    -acting like an asshole is even worse
    -PLAN FOR YOUR FUTURE because like it or not, *time will go on* and you can either get ahead of it or get left behind.
    -whatever (friend) dilemma you're going through right now WILL PASS
    -be yourself and not a follower

    the end.

  4. LMFAO!!! valentimes. so lame. but that picture of shitler, i'm dying!!!

  5. #11. You are not as fat or as ugly as you THINK you are.
    #12. That guy that you are crushing on now but is being a total douche to you will grow up to be a total loser. Like, you will see him at a bar and he will be toe up from the floe up and singing drunk karaoke while all the hot bitches laugh and point at him. TRUE STORY.

    P.S. I'm so glad you're my Valentine today. When is our dinner reservation?

  6. I love all of these tips. So true.


  7. I hate it when people say "Valentimes" NO. Just fucking NO.

  8. You shit does smell... Oh, and - you don't -know everything. As a matter of fact, when you're 44 (*cough* my decrepit current age) you still wont know everything. AND... Just because you can pronounce a few big, fancy words doesn't mean you're smart. Survival in the real world has nothing to do with being able to use "phalanges" in a sentence. Take initiative and take responsibility for your own actions (or lack there of). And the stuff you said in #10.

    {Can you tell I live with teenagers?}

  9. *Your ... *Your shit does smell.
    (god damnit)

  10. Heres one: to all all girls. Your shorts should be longer than your vagina. Nuff said.

  11. They all need jobs, they do. Then they wouldn't have time to be such assholes!

  12. I agree with the jobs thing and their life would be so much better listening to "God must have spent a little more time on you..."


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