Wednesday, June 11

shit show weddings are the best weddings

this is something new for me.
this is a post that i wrote like not the same day that i published it.  which is weird.  and also makes me feel like i have my shit together.  which we all know is a goddamn lie.  but here we are.  and with another wedding post no less.  also - i've had like a half bottle of wine so if things get weirder than normal and also nonsensical then you'll know why.  also i'm attempting to do laundry.  so three cheers for being like slightly domestic.  CHEERS HOES.

ok so anyway.  if you're new here let me give you a recap.
my name is shannon.  i married shitler in may after being in an eternity relationship for like forever.  and by forever i mean thirteen or fourteen years.  sometimes i lose count and go like two years with telling people we've been together for twelve years so i'm not actually sure how long.  whatever.

i wrote a post about my mexican beach wedding and you can read about it here
i also posted some initial pictures.  like mainly of me walking down the aisle and also of the actual ceremony.  i even shared some anecdotes.  so i would start with that initial post and then maybe come back here for the continuation of that shit show.

firstly (which i didn't think was a word until i typed it and nothing correct me so go figure) i would like to give you a peek into how the wheels are turning in my brain when i see other wedding things and/or read other engagement and wedding stories.

you begged and whined when you didn't get a proposal that coincided with your weird timeline.
how embarrassing for you.

you spent an obscene amount of money on one day and more specifically on things like mason jars.
were you high?

you cried when things didn't go according to your perfect wedding plan.
you're pathetic.

my face in general when i think about "traditional" weddings.

but that's neither here nor there.  because today i'm going to show you some pictures of like right after the fifteen minute non-religious ceremony where our "minister" mentioned me still having a chance with a surgeon.  a surgeon that is surely not shitler.  obviously.

quick aside.  nothing makes for a better wedding story then being able to tell people that one of your bridesmaids got drunk (though she still denies it), put her dress on backwards (and it took shitler figuring it out to get it fixed), walked almost down the aisle with the tags still on her shoes, and for sure walked down the aisle with my bridal bouquet.  like the bouquet with my monogrammed initials on it and everything.
hashtag memories.

because back to the whole top portion of this post where all wedding-obsessed girls are all ZOMG perfect wedding everything because hello you basic boring bitch what is even the point?

i'm sorry.  things got off track.  you were probably drinking out of a paper straw.
welcome back, i hate you, paper straw drinkers.

but anyway wedding stuff.
brides and their perfect everything.  because i had none of that and it was wonderful.
because sometimes there are the girls that just want the absolute perfect picture ever.
and then sometimes when you're in mexico the federales happen to pass by and your drunk-ish bridesmaid that put her bridesmaid dress on backwards and walked your bridal bouquet down the aisle happens to scamper up to them and ask them to take a picture with you.  and they do.
and then when you show the pictures to other people, like the mexican sushi chef that works at the restaurant, and he politely tells you that there's a fifty percent chance they were part of a mexican drug cartel and that i could have been
kidnapped and then i laughed.  but he was serious.  and obviously i wasn't kidnapped.  so crisis averted.

but anyway - one of my favorite pictures ever below.

but honestly - who even wants the most perfect of everything when can just have the most ridiculous?  and then you can know that everything was so absolutely perfect in all its ridiculousness.  

because when you walk down the aisle to the best dave matthews band song in all the land to the very best person in the whole entire world for you surrounded by all the best people that made the huge and most appreciated effort to fly down and be a part of your day then you know that everything is as it should be.

quick recap:

walked down the aisle to: "i'll back you up" by dave matthews band
walked down the aisle after being declared mr. & mrs. to "the idea of you" by dave matthews band
there were no mason jars, paper straws, or expensive nonsense

i didn't wear shoes because fuck shoes
people were drunk

everything was exactly as it should have been.


Wedding Wednesday
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  1. Idea of You is by far the best song ever. Kudos to an awesome choice.

  2. HAHAHA oh my gosh I just love you. I might be doing some of these things you hate at my own wedding- but hey that's ok because I also really like champagne, etc. AND THOSE PHOTOS YESSSSSSS

  3. This is by far the BEST wedding post that I have ever read. EVER.

    1. ha! thanks!
      it was kind of the best time ever and i wouldn't trade it for anything.

  4. So you're gonna come plan my wedding right. I'm pretty sure that's what I read. I'll see ya soon.

    Ps. I'm stealing your shot picture because that shit rocks

    Pss you looked beautiful.

  5. Upon closer review, they aren't shots they're wine glasses. My bad.

  6. Thank you for saying everything that I don't have the balls to say, especially the paper straws and mason jars. I may have had a traditional wedding, but I had to draw the line somewhere.

    Also, I want to shake that bridesmaid of yours' hand. She sounds hashtag awesome.

  7. "i didn't wear shoes because fuck shoes" that made me laugh out loud. I'm listening to your DMB songs right now. I've never heard them. Go ahead and hate me. Your wedding sounds perfect and I'm very happy for you and Shitler.

  8. Because fuck shoes is right. I wore Toms...because heels are the devil. And champagne. Duh.

  9. your wedding is basically the kind of wedding i would want if i even wanted to get married. fuck spending a shit ton of monies on stupidness. YES to being drunk.

  10. Your wedding looks amazing, and you look gorgeous. So happy for you and Shitler! The day of my wedding there was an angry mob protesting the George Zimmerman verdict in the courtyard were we were planning to do pictures. What can you do? Drink champagne and DGAF. (also I'm newish, can we sometime talk about why you call him Shitler and maybe more about taking candy from strangers/windshield repairmen?)

    1. we can certainly talk about all of that. i would really like that.
      and also i would like to talk more about your wedding. because i was really drunk for the zimmerman verdict and by proxy that means i was drunk and celebrating for your wedding. CHEERS.

  11. This sounded like my kind of wedding... and I literally had 1000 mason jars at mine but they were all FREE ;-) I wanted to go to Jamaica and get married just how you did in Mexico. However my husband (the real girl) wanted this huge elaborate crapin' thing. SO I played along and hated every. single. minute of it. I figured at the end of the day we will be married so fine. Well now he realizes that I was right (which I always am) and we would have saved a TON of money. I am slightly jealous of your super fun destination wedding.

  12. I love everything about your wedding. Also DAMN gil you look good in that dress. I had a picture perfect very expensive pinterest wedding where a ton of shit went wrong and everyone except me freaked out. I should mention that my in laws wanted this wedding and also paid for all of it, which makes it like, half ok.

    I also had champagne though, and I was real REAL happy about it

  13. oh I love everything about this. be my wedding planner, please?

  14. That picture with the guns. My God dying. Perfection.

  15. OMG. I cried reading this. Laughing...and almost pissed myself when I saw the "amputee Lisa" picture was included. BEST FUCKING WEDDING EVER. EVER. That is all. Thanks for including us!

    1. That is the most bestest picture ever. by FAR. I LOL every time I see it.

  16. I know this is a wedding post with a point about not having a picture perfect wedding but having a perfect wedding for you and I definitely rolled like that so huge applause for that and also the federales photo (but agree with the sushi chef on the probability of them being the Cartel)... but mostly I just want to talk about paper straws. They are freaking gross - they first stick to your lip then they gradually decompose while they're still being used and they inspire rage in me like nothing else. Don't the people using the paper straws all the time experience these things?

  17. this is exactly how I would want mine to be. I am not a stickler for perfection and I don't think anyone should be. let the randomness commence, but I most definitely must be drunk. also, I'm seeing dave matthews on friday! so yay that you had them as your wedding songs!

  18. Serious side eye to anyone who bashes traditional weddings and clearly believes they're better than those who partake in traditional weddings, then has a Pinterest perfect photo on their blog. You don't sound cool and alternative, you just sound like a smug bitch who tries too hard to sound cool and alternative.

    1. "Serious side eye" to anyone who posts such a crude message on here but doesn't have the balls to use their real name. what a piece of trash.

    2. anonymous comments are so cool and alternative, you bad ass you.

    3. HAHAHAHAHA omg no way real life?

    4. HAHAHA this is awesome!!! Someone think their opinion matters... I love this post!!!

    5. Thumbs up to anonymity. Would these weirdos have commented any different if you used a name. Go ahead and rant and rave about how you think you have some breakthrough wedding idea here. The people you should be respecting are the ones who had the wedding of their dreams, and thank god we all have different dreams because otherwise we would all be 'basic bitches.' People have loved ones that can't travel, or they have too many lived ones that they want to celebrate with that it would be unfathomable to ask everyone to fly down. Stop praising yourself for not understanding the concept of saving money to spend it on something important to you and start accepting that everyone has different ideas of perfect than you. Good thing we're not all basic bitches like you. Destination weddings are nothing new. In fact, their pretty traditional for couples on a budget that would rather spend a chunk of their vacation/honeymoon withother people than being alone for your honeymoon. If you NEED to have everyone else with you maybe you aren't appreciating the significance of marriage being about you and your spouse.

    6. you're like a dog with a bone, hey?

  19. I posted about weddings today, too! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! (Get into my car.)
    Your pictures are fucking amazing. My only suggestion would've been to NOT hold your dress down in the jumping one. Crotch shot would've been very romantic!

  20. can we find someone who can explain the whole paper straw movement? I know the straw is plastic and it is covered in paper, but who wants to put that in their mouth? I had a really dirty image of something else you don't put in your mouth WITH a cover on it, but I'll just leave that thought here for you to figure out.

  21. But really, have you ever used a paper straw? It's literally the worst thing in the world to drink from and makes your delicious mimosa taste like toilet paper.

  22. I love it. I want my wedding to be wonderfully relaxed like yours...someday, someday.

  23. Please don't think I am a basic bitch because I am currently obsessing over earrings. EARRINGS SHANNON. It is just part of my personality to be an obsessive bitch and that is translating into my wedding! STILL LOVE ME, OKAY?

    You know how I feel about mason jars. Also, the Federales photo basically made my life. IT IS PINTEREST PERFECT ONE MIGHT SAY.

  24. your dress is so perfect. you look AMAZING. Also kudos to almost getting kidnapped by a Mexican drug kartel.. because it's totally not a wedding without that sort of excitement.

  25. today i realized that i never commented on your recap post and i swiftly kicked myself in the ass and came here to say. HELL YES you are awesome i want to be your friend and I wish i was at this wedding. this is perfect.


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