High Five 4 Friday

fucking finally.
i hate being spoiled by weeks where there's a holiday and then you're forced to endure an ENTIRE work week.  life isn't fair.
but at least there's the weekly link up over at from my grey desk with lauren.
and here's what i'm high-fiving.

**
1. snatch those 'maters right from the vine.  big ups to shitler and his green thumb.  i can't wait to eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

2. i am now violently obsessed with true blood.  
yes, i know, i am once again way behind.  
but i can't stop watching.  and i've devised plans to make shitler leave the house on a nightly basis so i can get my fix.  except every time bill is on i get an overwhelming compulsion to just shut the fucking show off.  because he annoys the ever-loving shit out of me.  
this guy, on the other hand, does not.

3. this nut.  he kills me with this moronic behavior and stalker-like tendencies.  he is just all up in my business all the time.

4.  god.  chemistry cat gets me every time.

5. what 'chu like.  a whole 'lotta.  tyyyyyyrreeeeeeeeese.
i can't stop listening.
don't judge me.

Textual Feeling: One Life To Live

if there's one person that hates YOLO it's b.  which i think in turn means he hates living which in turn means i think he should be monitored because it might mean he's a danger to both himself and others.
it probably doesn't help when i won't stop YOLO'ing at him.
me: YOLO.
b: unless you're charlie then YOLNT.
me: YOLO!!!!
b: i'm going to punch you in the mouth.
me: i'm just trying to get my YOLO on.
b: me too.  that's why i'm going to punch you in the mouth.
me: YOLO.  i'm going to drink more.  the abuse won't be so bad when i'm thoroughly intoxicated.
b: i will make it count.
me: YOLO SWIMMING.
b: i am no longer responding to messages involving YOLO.
me: YOLO L Word?
b: what about L Word?
and then i sent him a picture of this:

and he hasn't even responded.  so i think that means he's punishing me.  or attempting to teach me a lesson.  which we all know doesn't work.  just ask my bank account.  or vodka.
so seriously - wtf, b?
we should eat this, because hello it's a bacon sundae and YOLO.

I Can't Stop YOLO'ing

in all seriousness - i'm just not equipped to do anything other than lay on my couch all weekend.

i'm not even exaggerating.   if i leave my house i end up doing something terrible to my liver.  if people come to my house i end  up doing something terrible to my liver.  it's best for all involved if i hole up in the living room and watch television shows that shitler judges me for watching and not communicate with anyone.

and this weekend was no different.  it involved copious amounts of alcohol, reading the second and third fifty shades of grey books (again) in less than 48 hours, and letting people write "YOLO" on me.  

i'm really not good at learning lessons.

here's a photo recap.  enjoy or destroy.



























and i know that people are annoyed with that damn "YOLO" expression, but it's really the best possible thing to respond to anything with.  seriously.

you really shouldn't drink that second bottle of wine.  it's tuesday.  "YOLO."

is that pizza on your diet?  "YOLO."

you have to go to work today.  "YOLO."

you skipped the gym again?  "YOLO."

you're honestly putting bacon on that?  "YOLO."

have you done anything today besides lay on the couch and watch game of thrones?  "YOLO."

you honestly bought a gun mug?  "YOLO."

are you going to put pants on today?  "YOLO."

do you ever do anything?  "YOLO.

i'm aware that all those things sound like something shitler would say to me.
or has said to me.  

i will neither confirm nor deny.

YOLO.

High Five 4 Friday

thankfully it's friday.  again.  for like the second time this week.  and it's both confusing and exhausting.
but that means it's also link-up time with lauren over at from my grey desk.
tiger, tiger woods ya'all.

1. i could eat these for breakfast, lunch, and fucking dinner.

2. oh god.  and then these.  blueberry cheesecake bars with blueberry compote.

3.  because a gun mug is worth mentioning twice.  because it's a fucking GUN MUG.

4.  i don't mind enjoying this every night.

5.  he's all mine ladies.

i'd like to say that i won't imbibe this weekend but we all know that's a lie.

Gun Mug

i must admit that today has been a struggle.  
why?
because it feels like america punched me in the face after it got done kicking me while i was down because independence day was on a fucking wednesday and i'm now paying the hangover piper.  because i'm slightly twitchy.  and i crammed about 20 ham and pickle roll ups in my mouth.  and then a half of pint of melty cherry garcia and called that lunch.  and i've fantasized about food all damn day and how i would eat an entire party sub if someone brought it to me.  and i smell like christmas.  but not in the santa claus way.  but in the gin way.  because i drank way too much of that yesterday.  and because it felt like my body has been trying to expel everything in me all day by way of high quantity, odd colored shits.  
too much?
i don't even care.
i'm in the mood to over-share.  
and i may have been forcibly grabbed yesterday.  because i have bruises in the shape of fingers on my arm.  and also the bruises on my leg have gotten noticeably worse.  and usually i end up with awesome pictures but i was a complete disappointment yesterday because i have no awesome pictures.  just a thousand of fucking fireworks.  so i had to steal some from others.
here is the day.  summed up in 3 pictures.





and i have to put in a fireworks picture.

ok two.  because two out of a thousand isn't that bad.

so in all seriousness.  today was on a whole other level of lame.  

until 2PM.  
when this came:


finally.
and somehow, everything is now right in the world.

Because You're Only Cool If You Take Pictures Of Me Peeing In The Lake

in no particular order - this was my weekend.

and i'm exhausted.