Tuesday, October 22

the tail of the fleas

patience tester: thy name is mac.

i was always aware that we had chosen a "special" dog.  so i have been extremely accepting of the shenanigans young mac typically gets himself into.  but in the last two weeks he has truly tried what little patience i have left.

the opening act: shitler and shannon come home from a weekend up north.  they sit on the couch, watch some bruce almighty, play on their smart phones, and around 11PM decide to turn in for the night.  shannon goes upstairs and starts arranging pillows and blankets.  it is at this time that she discovers a turd surprise that young mac has left for them.  as in - mac shit in the bed.
round one goes to mac.

the first scene: friday morning rolls around and shitler calls shannon at work to inform her that he found a tick on mac.  he tells her he took care of it and that shannon has nothing to worry about.
the second scene: shannon arrives home from working at the restaurant on friday night and asks shitler to show her where the tick was.  after viewing the scene of the crime shitler informs her that mac has little black bugs on him.  shannon's jaw drops and she screeches "FLEAS?  DOES HE HAVE FLEAS?!"  shitler insists they're not fleas.  he googled it.  it's definitely not fleas.  shannon takes to google herself and obsessively starts googling all things flea related.  she goes after mac and rolls him onto his back and begins comparing the googled pictures to his own canine body.  much to her dismay THEY'RE THE SAME.  THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.  THOSE ARE FLEAS CRAWLING ON HIM AND LOOK THERE'S THE FLEA POOP.  frantically she shows shitler her discovery and he fights her on it.  telling her that "no - they don't look anything like these pictures i found."
shannon looks at his picture and mentally curses shitler and wonders where his goddamn microscope is because the picture he is indeed looking at is that of a flea under a microscope.  after much arguing shannon declares herself the winner and then all of them losers.

scene three: saturday morning calls for an entire cleaning of the house, flea treatments for both dogs, and frantic flea baths at midnight.  in the meantime shannon has spent an unhealthy amount of time researching fleas and discovering facts about their egg laying and their general grossness and is convinced that they're always constantly crawling all over her.

the closing scene: TO BE CONTINUED.
because in case anyone is wondering it can take weeks to get rid of fleas.  WEEKS.

all the rounds go to mac.  he wins all of the things.


someone help me.
the next step might be bug bombing the house.
and i need to know if it's frowned upon to bug bomb the house with the flea infested dogs in it.
i'm kidding.  kind of.
post signature

30 comments

  1. Uggghhhhhh. We came home from vacation earlier this year to find that our house sitter and her dog had given our darling baby Dexter fleas. ELOISE SO ANGRY! Capstar is the magic answer (in addition to house cleaning and flea shampooing). I just order it on amazon. I found a few on him a couple months ago, gave him a capstar, and voila! Problem solved. Good luck dude, that shit suuuuuucks.

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  2. Replies
    1. Also- I don't believe that I've ever commented on a blog before. So I have no idea how I'm already named "Wendalyn Lou" and I have NO idea why my pic is of me and Shitler. Is this how you have me in gmail? Call me "tech-unsavvy" if you will..

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    2. it might be. it might also be something i did like a gazillion years ago and then forgot all about.
      you love it though don't you? you and your favorite cousin??

      Delete
    3. "Love" wouldn't be the first word to come to mind. Somehow I didn't imagine my introduction to the blogging world to have anything to do with Shitler.

      Delete
  3. He sounds like Tank my little bastard. Just the other day I was holding him he left and bug bites all over my arms from whatever his little diseased ass brought in.

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  4. fleas are the exact reason I don't have a dog...or a husband for that matter. Damn flea bags

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  5. Both of my dogs, who have never had fleas before, got fleas this summer. Our vet said this is the worst season of flea outbreak that he has ever seen. We have been fighting them for a few months now. Pain. in. the. ass.

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  6. ugh I hate fleas. but they aren't that bad to get rid of, don't worry. also, I started this post by saying: "who the hell is Tom?!" ;)

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    Replies
    1. HAHAHA - yes.
      i typed it, forgot about it, and then posted. WHOOPS.

      and GIRL do you have flea-be-gone secrets i don't know about???

      Delete
  7. Oh no! I have yet to encounter Sadie with fleas, thank goodness, but I feel for ya.

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  8. My mom's cats gave mine fleas not too long ago. Do you know what it's like to bathe a cat? I still have the scars. We thought we got rid of them all but then when we returned from our honeymoon this summer (after having no person or animal in our house for over two weeks) you could FREAKING SEE the fleas moving in a thick layer on the floor. We had to bomb the entire house, vacuum a billion times, and wash every washable thing in the house. It was the most disgusting experience of my life.

    -Beth
    www.littleworldcalledwonderland.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. i literally am losing my fucking shit over this.
      i'm trying this capstar of which everyone speaks of. there's only so much i can take.

      the only thing we have going for is that we have ZERO carpeting in the house.
      PRAISE THE LORD.

      Delete
  9. Capstar! Hawkeye ONCE got ONE flea on her from when she went to boarding (she has not gone back and yes I got my money back) and I basically stockpiled capstar. That shit works like magic. The vet called me overzealous but for real, princess could not have a fucking flea, not one single one.

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  10. Once when my sister and I were taking care of our friend's dog while they were on vacation he somehow got fleas. It was so bad that we'd walk in the house and put food and water in the bowls and when we left LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES LATER our white tube socks were covered in those little assholes. BUG BOMB THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR HOUSE.

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  11. oh EW ahhh fleas :s BRUTAL! i wouldn't even know what to do with myself.

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  12. PTSD TRIGGER OMG. I almost literally lost my mind because of the fleas. I could elaborate but I think you are at my level on this. Vaccuum the shit out of everything. Put a flea collar in the vaccuum bag if you can. KILL THOSE FUCKERS.

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  13. I think you should hire an unsuspecting house sitter and take off to Mexico for a few weeks. PROBLEM SOLVED.

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  14. Tilly's bitch ass has fleas too! I've been battling them! Seems like they will retreat them come back. I've heard about some pills from the vet they can take that kills them.

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  15. Fuck. Now I am all itchy. And flea poop turns to blood when you get it wet. When my white persian had fleas and he'd get a bath, it looked like a murder scene.

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    Replies
    1. EW. I KNOW.
      i read that. the other night i found a bunch of flea poop while i was flea combing them.

      the bowl of water i was using to drown the fleas looked like a violent murder scene.

      Delete
  16. I'm worried the dog I'm dog sitting has fleas bc she is scratching like craZy but she's just a shorthairs dachshund and I don't see anything on her- feels like she had bug bites/ rash though... She also ate half a cookie cake the first day I had her while I was in the shower so I had to rush her to the vet so they'd make her throw it up. I'm not cut out for this dog parent thing apparently!!

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  17. Oh, hi. I've missed commenting on your blog and stuff like that. Also, Walter says hi...but not to the flea ridden dog. Walter doesn't like fleas.

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  18. I know you hate Mac for this, and I know this is a struggle, and I know Shitler is dumb for not knowing what a flea is, and I know that none of this is helping... BUT MAYBE THEY WILL BE GONE SOON. MAYBE.

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  19. My a-hole border collie had awful fleas this summer/beginning of fall. I was even using the preventative "Frontline" monthly flea/tick medicine. After I purchased a brand new $50 three month supply my vet told me that brand is not working on this "seasons fleas." Of course. So I had to a buy $50 three month supply of "Advantix Plus." It works and kills the little bastard fleas. The fleas die without a host so if they can't jump on your medicated dogs I think they just die? Flea meds in the store are more expensive than diamonds so I use 1800petmeds.com

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  20. laughing hysterically while reading this…obviously not at your misfortune…well maybe a little bit. I'm sorry! try switching their heartworm meds to the all-in-one. Both of my dogs get Trifexis. No worms, fleas, or ticks and our house backs up to woods so they are definitely at risk hanging out there.

    poop in the bed is nothing I have ever encountered. pee yes. poop no way. I would have a dead dog.

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  21. My poor Mac! Fleas are the absolute worst. So freaking hard to get rid of. Fortunately my cats have never had them. Hopefully you're flea free by now since you know, I suck at reading on time.

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  22. buy cheap borax laundry soap, sprinkle all over carpets let it sit for awhile and vaccum and try petsmart, bainfireld vet flea meds. I always use frontline and it isnt working this year. theirs is cheap and worked!

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