Thursday, May 23

an argument against sobriety

one time i gave up drinking for three months.
in the shitler household we refer to those months as the "dark ages."
when not drinking it's insane how boring actual life is.  like you're extremely more soberly aware that none of the laundry is done, those dishes are starting to stink, and that dog hair you haven't vacuumed up in two weeks has taken on a tumble-weed like form and you catch yourself humming old western music as they skitter across the kitchen floor.  the worst part about not drinking is that, while you still don't have any motivation to do anything worthwhile, you find that you care much more about all the things that you're not doing then you did when you were drunk and/or hungover.  but the point is that while i was tragically sober i just became wildly obsessed with doing the most pointless of things (much to shitler's chagrin).  

case in point: finger puppets.


then things got a bit more edgy.


so basically they went everywhere with me.  out to meals.  they hung out with shitler.  came to work.


so the moral of the story is don't stop drinking.
ever.

p.s. i'm not even remotely creative enough to come up with any of those patterns on my own.  so it was pinterest to the rescue and this crafty lady.

Gin and Bare It

28 comments

  1. hahahah omg this is freaking hilarious. now I need a drink.

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  2. Wait a minute... let me get this right, if I quit drinking I'm going to end up making a bunch of felt finger puppets?
    Shit, count me out. I hate sewing so much.

    and sobriety.

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  3. wow. Shots for everyone. And um, that is the worst giraffe ever. With all due respect...

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha. Pig-Giraffe hybrid. I kinda like him.

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    2. he's perfect in my eyes.

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  4. ENOUGH WITH THE COLORS AND THE DOTS AND THE SQUIGGLIES.

    Kidding. Love you.

    (Not kidding at all.)

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  5. This totally delivered. Thank you. haha

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  6. This is too funny. Sobriety leads to finger puppets?! Who knew?

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  7. hahahaha this is HILARIOUS. thank you for yet another reason to always keep drinking.

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  8. No wonder it took you a shit long time to post this..it's so colorful. you whore. next time just words and pictures no fancy nancy shit.

    p.s. make me puppets!!

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  9. Please don't ever stop drinking again. Sobriety is no one's friend.

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  10. In that case I'll take a double. stat

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  11. Rounds on me for the rest of your life!

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  12. I think those puppets are fucking adorable.

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  13. I FUCKING MISS THOSE PUPPETS

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  14. Walking to the fridge as we speak for my bottle of wine — my boyfriend would kill me if I started crafting finger puppets! (Although they're really super cute...)

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  15. Bahahaha! AMAZING. So glad you shared this with the internet. Don't you worry, I'm drinking wine right now as a preventive measure. No finger puppets in this household!

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  16. I want one. FOR REALS. It can be my new desk buddy.

    And you totally quoted Billy Madison and I will forever love you for that.

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  17. Those are amazing. And i think you should never quit drinking again.

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  18. Why would you fucking do that!? My god. It's horrifying. But seriously, send me that giraffe right now. I need someone to drink with this weekend.

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  19. omg girl, i am scared straight. or unstraight. whichever means i will now nevereverevevrr stop drinking.

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  20. hahahahaha you are my favorite human in the history of humans. and yes, I'm reading your blog on a Friday night. WHATEVER.

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  21. OMG I LOVE the Billy Madison quote!!!!!!!!!!

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  22. OMG I LOVE the Billy Madison quote!!!!!!!!!!

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  23. Those are fucking cute! AND I think that giraffe belongs on my desk. He would be very happy here and would entertain me immensely.

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  24. this is the best post ever. also, i scrolled to the bottom and saw all your "labels" at the bottle and my eyes immediately and randomly saw "Sex" and "Saran Wrap" so I'm pretty sure someone is trying to tell me something...

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