Monday, May 20

the loser scale: one = being the biggest loser of all time

i wasn't serial killed.  rest assured everyone.
THANKS FOR CHECKING ON ME.  not.  *side eye* tiffany.

as for the weekend it wasn't that incredible.
made some cash at the restaurant on friday night and then went home and ate nachos and passed out.

saturday i finished insurgent and then started reading mine and samm's twitter book club book about charles manson.  i wanted to do some outdoor reading (which i think turns out to betray me later on) but the neighbors had their rap stylings music just blaring.  and don't get me wrong.  i love me some rap stylings.  but for whatever reason i was full on channeling an 85 year-old man on saturday complete with head and fist shaking because i was TRYING TO READ AND CAN YOU KINDLY TURN THAT SHIT OFF.  then i went back to work.  then i came home and got drunk.
by myself.

i posted this picture on ginstagram.  complete with the caption: "if this is what i'm doing by myself on a saturday night where does it put me on the loser scale?"  i'm going to ask you to kindly please rate me.  like click on the link.  check it out.  decide for yourself.  and then rate my loser-ness.  i should also tell you that i forgot to mention that i was also watching married to jonas.
OK but then john mayer called and was all "hey what are you doing do you want to drink?"  and i was all "OMG you're a life-saver because now i don't feel so terribly loser-ish."  so john mayer came over and we watched girls.  but then he left.  and i was now drunker than i was before and by myself yet again.  but then i decided to drunk shower because "duh shannon you haven't done that in a while."  and then i sat on the ground in front of the television and started watching some movie that i've never seen (and one that i also can't remember the name of) in what i'm pretty sure was right in the middle and i stared at my toes and discovered how the big toe is much farther away from the rest of the toes on my left foot.  and then i wrapped a couple presents which was a disaster because i kept ripping the paper and then just adding more paper and tape to cover up the terrible-ness which was my drunk wrap job.  and then i decided that it was probably best to throw in the towel on the night and just pass out.  all of that nonsense is documented on ginstagram so feel to check out that shit show.

sunday i woke up at the crack of dawn.  go figure.  but sunday was iPhone 5 dayyyyy!
upon arriving at verizon i couldn't help but be just so damn excited.  until they didn't have the size and color i wanted.  and then they couldn't transfer my pictures from one phone to the other.  and then i started to get really annoyed.  and then i started sneezing like a madwoman.  because i'm not sure if anyone else is like me but once i've set out to do something i just want to do it.  not wait another day.  not get it on order.  not see if another store has one.  so i settled for my phone in the size i wanted but not the color.  and then i had to take the old phone home and extract all the pictures off because they apparently don't have the kind of technology that will transfer said pictures.  which confuses me because it doesn't seem like NASA technology we're talking about here.  but WHATEVER.  and now it also turns out that i have to make a damn appointment with the apple store in order to get apple care.  and now it's more expensive than it was the last time and this means i have to go to milwaukee.  and we all know how i feel about going anywhere that isn't the city/town that i live in.  FYI - i hate it.
but then i had lunch my moms.  and then i came home and my allergies attacked.  and honestly i'm not even sure if i have allergies but this is just me self-diagnosing because it's the only logical reason for what has attacked me day in and day out for like the last two months.  so then i ransacked the house in an attempt to find any sort of allergy relief because the claritin i popped earlier wasn't doing a damn thing.  but there was nothing.  so then i snapped this picture of shitler:

and then i was rescued by the neighbor who had children's benadryl.  so i chugged half a bottle of that, took two more claritin, some sort of decongestant i found in the back corner of a cabinet, a couple of pain relievers, and some gatorade and passed into some sort of foggy haze by 7.30pm.  i'm also positive i had a fever during the night and i'm also somewhat sure that shitler perhaps talked to me twice but i can't remember.

captain dork-o-la reporting for duty SIR.

p.s. samm just thinks my friend looks like john mayer so that's basically the only thing i call him.
p.p.s and no i don't feel like looking for a picture of him

rate my loserness in the comments.
and tell me - was your weekend as
confusing as mine?

Gin and Bare It


  1. the fact you wrote all that ^ about ESSENTIALLY NOTHING makes you a hero and not a loser.

  2. least you got your iphone 5! WOOHOO! :)

  3. lol well then sounds like your weekend was a blast. I also was stuffing my throat with benadryl and claritin thanks to the bad allergies. my weekend was eventful. Luck that you got your iphone5. I still have the iphone4. Can't upgrade until next year.

  4. Bahaha, that picture of shitler is awesome! That should go right next to the shitler mooning pic!

    So...what color did you settle on, bitch?!

  5. I didn't find anything loser-ish in that rant. Except finding out you have to go to Milwaukee, cause, ew. And that's a great photo of Shitler.

  6. OH MY GOD. I was too drunk to check on you, I really was. Open bar...flashing all happened. You can't be mad because I know deep down inside you are proud.

  7. Haha well shit you might have me beat in the popping allergy pills category. That sounds like quite the concoction of meds you've got going on over there. But I'm real confused as to why they couldn't change the pictures over. Seems like something we should be able to accomplish by 2013.

  8. That ginstagram definitely puts you on a winner stage?? Glad your back!


    1. my poor ginstagram just gets over-worked when i've been drinking.

  9. Oh my holy cow wow, we have the same exact toes. No joke. It's a little frightening. I found my 'Sole' mate!

    1. OMG you did not. that's the best thing i've ever heard.

  10. i dated a dude that looked like john mayer.. he turned out to be a psycho stalker.. soo.. be careful. just saying. (no denying he was hot though.. like, when I say "date" i mean.. I kept him around because he was shmexy.) then again, I think we established that we're both into the whole psycho dude thing when you posted sexy man's mug shot. so.. call me maybe?

  11. Wow, what a weekend. Mine was less on the sick side and more on the mentally unstable side. Ew trips to Milwaukee

  12. Replies
    1. you are being flattery mcflattery pants and it will get you everywhere.


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