Wednesday, May 29

go shawty

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that's just me kids.  channeling miss new york.  
and if i had a blog world re-entrance that would definitely be it.
unless no one noticed that i was semi-absent.  in which case i'm just embarrassed for myself.
humor me kids and act like you missed me.
except i wasn't all that absent if you follow me on ginstagram, facebook, twitter, etc.
and if you do i'd like to issue an apology right here and now because that was ever so obnoxious on those social media outlets this weekend and if i annoyed you then you should probably just get over it because the booze made me do it.

i'm typically like 100% secretive about anything related to my birthday.
nothing is more obnoxious than getting facebook birthday wishes from people you haven't talked to in years and probably didn't even like to begin with.  i don't even have it listed on facebook and last year i made it until 5PM on my birthday without anyone wishing me any type of birthday wish on ass-book.  until i made the mistake of bragging about that fact to shitler and then he blasted it all over the facebook world and then i was fucked.

so what you won't find on this blog is birthday giveaways or annoying crap like that.
instead you will find pictures of me drinking.  which isn't anything different than any other day of my life except that i feel better about behaving like this:

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and i did get drinks.  many of them.
and most of them in shot form.

i've talked about the northwoods before and how i'm absolutely convinced that all booze tastes better up there but i'm also convinced that all birthdays are just like auto-awesome when up there.  
the day was spent boating and bar-hopping with shitler and two of my other favorite people in the world (who i just so happened to introduce and then they got married so basically i'm a match-maker) ryder and wendy.  these people know me well.  so well in fact that my presents from my matched friends included a fantastic shirt and a bag full of beef jerky.

and also shitler got me a giant printer so i can wi-fi print the obscene amount of pictures i take as well as a portable charger thingy for my phone.  which happens to be my favorite thing ever.  and he's basically enabling me.  because he already hates how much i'm on my phone and he's just helped to feed the beast BECAUSE MY PHONE WILL NEVER DIE.

lastly i'm going to regale you with a tale of drunkenness. 
memorial day began like any other celebratory day.  with german food, beer, and irish car bombs.
except someone probably should have ingested more than a cup of soup and a soft pretzel with cheese.  because the rest of the day included obnoxious amounts of shots, cocktails, and drinks in miniature buckets.
there was a shot-paddle.  and more shots.
there was also interactions with strangers like this:

stranger: LOVE your shirt.
hot mess: you sure do.

there was a trip to the grocery store where the hot mess yelled out the window on multiple occasions to get a BAG OF CHEESE and VIDALIA ONION.  a VIDALIA ONION.  then later a dish was broken, someone wasn't allowed to use a knife to cut things (for obvious reasons), and when all the ingredients were assembled together the drunkard mumbled "this doesn't look right" in regards to the cheesy, hashbrown casserole.

the drunkard being this girl:

which led to me drunk-making my own birthday cake.

WHICH WAS DELIGHTFUL.  regardless of its less than aesthetically pleasing look.
so all's well that ends well.  as long as there are shots involved.  and beef jerky.  and friends.

also i'm super attractive.

p.s. i believe there are some shots that i took in an attempt to be super artsy but i don't know how well they turned out because i was drunk.  not as drunk as wendy.  but definitely drunk enough to think that everything i was doing was meaningful in some way, shape, or form.

p.p.s. i know i said you won't find a birthday giveaway but i am feeling generous so if you want me to send you a miniature bottle of booze then just send me your address and i'll probably send you something at some point in time.  like by the end of the year for sure.  in which case i can pretend it's your x-mas present.

p.p.p.s. this whole three day work week i'm currently in the middle of is like a thousand times better than a five day work week.  we should try and pass a law to make it happen officially.

p.p.p.p.s. i forgot i basically shot-gunned/beer-bonged a beer out of a gnome.  which we should also make happen.

Gin and Bare It


  1. Saw your cake pictures on Instagram over the weekend - LOVED it!

  2. Happy belated! I noticed you were MIA but that might be because I'm not yet following you on twitter or Instagram so going to go do that now.

    Can't agree more about the 100s of ppl on Facebook that wish you a happy bday but are really only friends w you on the book so that they can stalk your life. Annoying annoyances.

  3. Happy birthday # 1 --

    Happy Birthday # 2 --


  4. I'm surprised that gnome didn't cut you in your sleep. I liked your birthday cake photo, it looks fantastic and tasty. I'd eat it.
    "you sure do" is clearly the answer for everything.

  5. love the matching shirts. happiest of b-dayssss!

  6. OF COURSE I NOTICED YOUR WERE MIA. But this time I wasn't worried about you getting murdered.

    Your gnome bong basically shames my flambongo.

    I'm still mad that you hid your birthday from me.

    Send me all the things!

  7. I agree with the obnoxious celebratory statements. "Thanks for applauding me aging". Now that I'm an adult its all very mundane and insignificant so if you wish me a happy birthday there better be shots in your hand. And to that I say happy cake day *virtual shot*

  8. I'm more jealous than anything. Because I can't get drunk and have fun like you can. Because Bill sucks the fucken fun out of it. Ugh.

  9. Get it, giiiiiiiirl! Sounds like a fuckin' superb birthday. And I must ask, were you drinking when you wrote this post. I totally read it in my drunk mind frame aka my favorite one aka what I wish I was instead of sneaking a peak at your blog while STILL at work.
    now i'm planning out what "cocktails" I'm going to make for myself as soon as I get home

    1. thank you lover-face!!!
      i was unfortunately not drinking. hot damn do i wish i was though.

  10. I took shots out of a rubber chicken once! kind of like a gnome, no? Can you send yourself to California in August for MY birthday? K, thanks.

  11. I really missed you. If it hadn't been for ginstagram and twatter, i probably would have put out a missing persons report.
    A gnome? Hell yeah.
    Glad you had a kick ass birthday!! And double glad you are back.

  12. Drunk-making your own birthday cake - awesome.

  13. shot paddle sounds sweet. I once did a shot ski...that was cool too. happy birthday.

  14. I love your drink birthday cake! Happy belated!

    Sparkles and Shoes


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