Thursday, June 20

this is me twerking. i think.

PSYCH. no twerk video. 
just an attempt to prey on the fact that everyone is all riles about miles and her twerk videos and lure you in. 

like everyone else on the planet i have the potential to turn into a raging bitch.
and on a regular basis for that matter (ask shitler since he often tells me i'm the meanest person he knows).
which, when i think about it, happens to make me semi-unfit to be a part of the blog world (which p.s. typing that just made me throw up in mouth).
mainly because the blog world is chock full of goddamn inspirational shit that reads "choose joy" or "be your best self" whereas in reality i'm all "no. leave me alone because i want to stew in my own twatty bitch mood and also i don't want to build you up because ZOMG we should just because we're women and we need to stick together."  mainly i want to tug your weave a little a la sheree and kim z and have things escalate because when i'm in my bitch zone because i wouldn't piss on fire to put you out (thank you eminem).

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i guess the round about point i'm trying to make is that i'm so sick of everyone fake playing nice and acting like they're abhorred by catty behavior.  that's all well and good and in most cases probably what should actually happen but it's just not reality.  i think too often people try to bury their snark wherein if you think someone posted something fucking awful you're entitled to feel that way about it.  and this certainly makes no one a bad person.
own your shit.  bloggers have chosen to put themselves out publicly and with that comes criticism (
and sometimes that criticism will be neither constructive nor respectful) but we can all put our big girl underwear on and fucking deal with it and not whine about getting our feelings hurt.  i'm almost baffled on a daily basis when bloggers flip shit over the opinions of virtual strangers they only "know" through the internet machine.

let's all just own our bitch-self.
embrace the side-eye.
cue the eye-roll.

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and here - i'll be the first to admit that my daily blog-reading goes something like this:
oh lawd i would skin that girl and wear her if i could.  wait - is this a bible study?
cute kid, cute kid, cute kid, HOLY SHIT never post another picture of that not cute kid.
oh what's this - marriage advice you say?  oh even better - marriage advice from a toddler-excuse-me-girl and she's been married for a hot minute.  how useful.  thank you so much.cute kid, cute kid, YAWN giveaway.
BUMPDATE.  i wish they would stop comparing them to foods i like to eat.  it takes me to a weird place.
OH - sponsored post?  how neat of you to do this again.
HAHAHA that crazy drunk bitch is hungover again (
ugh do i feel her pain).
#OOTD?  i wonder if people would take it the wrong way if i did my own take on it?  and by own take i mean a burlap sack with like maybe a beer-can-6-pack type necklace and my middle finger as my best accessory?  no - better not.  
sweet lord do i need a break.  kidding blogs - i can't quit you.
oh look at her - if she loved her life anymore she may explode.  oh the sun must shine of "
HUSBAND'S ASS" and that's why she's so chipper.
oh hey a picture of cheese fries?  now we're fucking talking.

look - i'm not here condoning being a mean girl (ack does that reference make me cringe).
but what i am advocating for is not everyone being such a pussy.
know that if you think that i'm thinking something mean then you're probably right.
know that there's at least a dozen bloggers who i read that i think are bat-shit-crazy-funny and they turn me on in probably a really inappropriate way.  and i dig them for that.
know that when i comment on your blog it's because i read you on a regular basis and that if i threaten you with physical violence because you're so pretty that it's coming from a place of love.
but mainly know that you will never get bullshit positive reinforcement from me because that's not how i roll.  and if every blogger is going to cry foul when someone has something non-flowery to say that doesn't blow rainbow sparkles up everyone's ass then what are we all really doing here?

in closing (because i want to pretend i'm in college again and in a public speaking class that i never took) one of my favorite authors, gillian flynn, wrote a short essay years ago.  it's her thoughts on women and it has to be the most honest and raw things i have ever read and i can't help but love and agree with each and every word.  you can read it here but my favorite excerpts are below.

p.s. this is not me encouraging women to accept ourselves at our very worst but merely offering up the advice that it's ok to embrace the bitch.

Gin and Bare It


  1. seriously thought I would find a video of you twerking it! lol ugh!

  2. You dear lady rock my world and I love this post! We all have an inner bitch as I love your honesty. Me+you= besties for life! Ha

  3. Bahahaa! I love it. I happen to enjoy Shannon bitch mode and I embrace it. Encourage it even.

    I just don't care about women being bitches online. My boyfriend's sister wants to slit my throat FOR REALS, so I got enough of my own real life problems to deal with, I don't have time for this blog shenanigans. I do, however, have loads of time to post photos of my dog. Cause she's the shit.

  4. This plus the qudoba I am eating right now may my night.

  5. sweet. baby. jesus. THANK YOU. i am so sick of everyone getting butthurt over the most stupid shit i could shoot myself. the way i act on my blog is the way i roll IRL. there's just way more cussing

  6. This is a great read, definitely a different perspective from the regular blogging philosophy. It's refreshing. I'd like to say more, but I think I've already gotten myself in enough trouble for being a bit too frank this week...
    I totally think you can be nice and still call people out for bullcrap. Standing up for your friends or beliefs, doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you someone who's not a doormat.

    Thanks for being honest.

  7. Love this!!! I should show my bitch more often. I think its the one thing I am lacking in life. I can openly talk about everything in the world, but bitching. So love this! Let's see if I can try to be as cool as you.

  8. change your tampon you sassy bitch. actually this is pretty funny and kind of exactly spot on...i really want to start getting some nasty comments on the old blog, i will feel like i have truly made it when i start offending people.

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  10. And I love you! I hid my bitch all week by not posting or tweeting for that matter. I am also a little relieved to know that I am not the only one being told by my fiance that I am mean all the time. Cupcakes and butterflies do not exist at our house.

  11. Girl, you know I agree with you. Hi, my elementary school bully's husband threatened me for calling her a bitch on my blog. SHE IS A BITCH AND SO ARE YOU BUDDY. And yawn...tell me about it! Look at cute pictures of my cats, how the fuck do you take such good pictures of yourself riding a bicycle---don't you have a JOB?!?!?!?, why are they giving your cunt ass free shit and what gives YOU the right to talk to ME like I am some sort of serf because my blog doesn't have 4500000 followers. I love it when the post is like "what's in my yarn bag?" and I want to VOMIT! I am like, let's do some posts about something that fucking matters...since I am assuming YARN is in your yarn bag, dumb bitch.

  12. I want some cheese fries now.

  13. Love me some Gillian Flynn- and cheese fries. And I think this all the time "cute kid, cute kid, cute kid, HOLY SHIT never post another picture of that not cute kid." Can parents tell if their child isn't cute?

  14. Thank God. If I read one more "let's just all be nice and if you don't have anything encouraging to say, don't say it at all" post I was gonna puke. I'm over it. We're all adults. Sometimes, ya got shit to say. Sometimes, life isn't a DIY project and "insta-gratitude." Over it.

  15. I'd take some cheese fries. Let's talk about that some more.

    And also, Gillian Flynn is the bomb. I love her, even though I think all three of her books are complete mind-f*cks.

    And lastly, I myself threaten people with physical violence all the time, just because I can (not necessarily because they're pretty, even, although that's been known to happen a time or 890425 as well), so clearly, you and I have at least one thing in common. Word.

  16. omg agreed. everyone is all roses and flowers and then people get pissed. it's so annoying. love this post/

  17. "but what i am advocating for is not everyone being such a pussy."

    this is why we are friends.

    CUNTS 4 LIFE!!!!!

  18. No bull shit here. Love every word.

  19. Love this post and the essay you linked to and everything about this. But seriously, when are you going to post a video of you twerking?

  20. So how I found your blog was by searching for things like "bitchy blogs" and "angry girl blogs" because that is my area. And yeah. Sponsors, OOTD, Birch Box shit...yawn, yawn, and big fucking yawn.

  21. How did I miss this post?!? Oh, I musta been reading a sponsored post instead! Hahaha!

    Thank you. Thanks. Awesome.

    Mad you wrote this post while I was writing about unicorns and cuppycakes, though! 😊



    I love your stinkin' face.


  24. This post has absolutely made my freaking day!! I've recently started blogging and so glad I found your post because I was censoring what I was saying afraid of being judged but then I realized I don't know these people so I shouldn't give a fuck!! I can be myself and whoever doesn't like it oh well.


  25. I think we already knew this but it's so damn nice to hear it. Or read it. Whatever.

    I get so tired of let's be positive and blah blah blah fuckity blah. If I wanna be a cranky bitch I will. And the sun doesn't shine out of my ass. Ever.

  26. I was nodding the entire time I read this. And you're right. I tend to blow too much sunshine out my ass but I know there's plenty of snarky bitchy comments I keep to myself all to often but then get surprised when others don't keep it all in. One of these days I may just grow horns and start mouthing off to bitches everywhere...bitches beware!


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