Wednesday, June 26

it's raining men. well just one man. but also dogs.

i'm just going to ignore the elephant in the room that is this new look that you're staring at.
i loved my old design but lately i've been in the mood to be naked more and that feeling has extended itself to my blog as well.  so here we are.  naked-ish.

so basically i've done nothing blog-related since this post.
and like the past forty-seven times i've logged in i've just gotten really angry at the cursor because i feel like it's flashing at me and shouting things like "you're a loser" and "you write like shit" and maybe also "just close this screen and go back to that loser life you lead of watching unhealthy amounts of pretty little liars."

so i've decided today that i'm going to officially introduce you to the three men in my life.

first and foremost is the love of my life.
the apple to my pie.  the ying to my yang.  the lamb to my tuna fish.

this guy.

it's Murphy Lee Lincoln (yes he's named for the rapper much to someone's chagrin).
murphy lee is the type of dog that just gets you.
he's calm(ish).  he typically hangs out under the stairs and will wander onto the porch to help himself to treats.  i can appreciate this because then i don't have to get up from the couch, pause pretty little liars, and like be not a piece of shit.  sometimes he pees in the bath tub.  which - thanks, i guess?

he loves stylish sweaters and winter hats.

and he was a drunk before being a drunk was cool.

the second man in my life needs no introduction as he dominates ginstagram and the rest of my existence with his ridiculousness.  it's none other than McElhenney McCrae Lincoln (live and in the motherfucking house).  or mac for short.  yes that is his name and yes it's on his birth certificate.  i think my favorite thing ever about that psycho is that when i saw a picture of him from the breeder i HAD TO FUCKING HAVE HIM.  i mean.i.die.forthatface.

he was the easiest decision i have ever made in my life.  like i could not hand the money over fast enough on that doggy deposit because he needed to be mine so i could puppy squish him.  the day we took him home from the breeder is the day we found out a couple things about the little nugget that should have been immediate red flags.

first red flag: they called him alejandro ponce deleon.  while the other puppies had nicknames like tess or bandit the puppy i had picked out was referred to with the most ridiculous name i had ever heard.
and why?  because, to put it nicely by the breeder, he had the biggest personality.

second red flag: the breeder said that their favorite thing that alejandro ponce deleon did was get into the brown paper bags in their pantry and then come bounding out with one on his head until he eventually slammed into a cabinet.  in retrospect - it explains a lot.

so really - that adorable face i fell in love with turned out to actually be more like this:
his puppy-hood was insanity. he got into everything and honestly just was the weirdest thing we'd ever encountered.  he sat weird, he sat on chairs, he got into cabinet drawers and rustled around like some sort of possum, and it took an eternity to get him potty-trained.

he's a nudger.  as in "hey ma - let me cram my face into your hand to demonstrate that i'd really like you to pet me right fucking now."  he's crazy obsessed with me.  like will wait on the stairs for me until i get home, sleep on top of me, and at the very least needs to be touching me at all times.
murphy lee probably thought it was one giant joke the day we brought him home.
but i think they're cool now.  bros before hoes and all that.

lastly and least importantly (i kid) is my non-canine roommate.
you know may know him as shitler around these blog parts but he also goes by tom lincoln (shout out to the island fans and the scene where they're all "NO I'M TOM LINCOLN!"), tommy, tom, lincoln, tlinks, douche, fucker, ass hat, dickwad, pussycat, etc.

we've been together since the dawn of time.  case and point this picture:
just a couple of baby-faced fucks.
technically we met on the swing-set but that's a story for another time.
the first gift i ever gave him was nelly's album "country grammar" because i was a fifteen-year-old thug and he would pick me up from my sweet job at hallmark cards in his blue sundance and we'd go sit awkwardly in my family room because my dad liked to make it a point to walk in every five minutes to "tell us something."  now our days are filled with sending each other verbally abusive text messages and semi-ignoring each other when we're in the same room.
and also drinking together.  and also me licking his face a lot.

he's the second most special thing in my life.  
and i don't mean special in the "awwww that's cute!" way but in the mac-type-special way.
i like him mainly because when his hair gets unruly he looks like charles manson.

and he's also super good at costumes.

besides mutual love we're also really good at putting up with each other's bullshit which is what i'm pretty sure will get anyone a successful relationship.
also sometimes i walk into a room and i get really scared and then i'm all "i'll never leave, i swear."

so that's that.
the three men in my life.

if you want any of them just leave me a comment specifying which one and i'll be sure to poke holes in a box and ship them out right quick.
first come, first serve though.
post signature


  1. TWINKS.

    I don't want him, I'm just bringing his other nickname to attention.

    You can send me Mac.

  2. I love your dogs! And the new design! and glad you are back. I've missed your shit!

  3. I like the new looks, and the dog, and pretty much every photo of shitler times a million.
    Buuut. I cannot get past baby you in teal and pearls. I'm so fucking confused.

  4. #1 thing that makes a great relationship is putting up with eachothers BS. You two seem to do it quite well. Love the charles manson comment ahhaa. You have quite the adorable fam.

  5. HAHAHA baby you is SO CUTE. also I think Lil and Mac would get along great. Both of them being borderline retarded and all

  6. ohhh shitler. he always makes the sexiest poses.

    p.s. send me some Mac attack. puppah dog so presh.

  7. Shitler gets 79 cool points for the costume awesomeness. I love a man who isn't afraid to look ridiculous. (First fell for my husband when he was sporting a homemade powdered toast man (ren & stimpy) costume.)

  8. May layout is super gay and I wish it was naked. You can send me Mac please. He and Riley can spazz out together. Ps- I am hoping you bought him that shirt.

  9. I hate when people create Iinstagrams and Ffacebooks for their dogs, but I would totally friend Mac if he had one. Or both.

    Fuck, I'd get back on Myspace if he graced it with his presence.

    Also, you and Shitler need your own reality show. Pronto.

  10. DIBS ON MAC!!!!!

    Also, that picture with Shitler looking like Manson. I want it. Like on my desktop. I know it's creepy but it's just too hysterical. The hair... the shirt. I'm dying.

  11. This is one of my favorite posts from you. And I mean that. I think you guys are a great couple that Michael and I would love to drink heavily with. And Hugo also would love to hang our with the other two as well. Especially love that you named the dog after a rapper. Also michaels first present to me was a rap cd. So yes.

  12. really does look like charles manson. also, you're not a shit writer, so shut the fuck up, dust off the keyboard and get at it.

  13. Mother fucker, I love the shit out of this post.

    I even like the part where you talk about your relationship, which is weird and twisted because I'm not really on board the love train.

    Oh and also, I could read about alejandro ponce deleon for hours. You have me actually LOLing and people are starting to stare.

  14. Oh, oh! And I like your naked blog.
    So sexual.

    K bye for real this time.

  15. i like your new blog a lot. I also love this post, it is very sweet. I am pretty convinced I want to move into your house, I think your dogs and I would get along famously.

  16. so after I read all of this touchy feely bullshit that I LOVED (thank you very much for the OFFICIAL introduction to the men in our life) I was browsing around your SPONSOR page and then it said you were half-way remedial and I peed myself. LONG STORY SHORT.

    Mac WOULD be a nudger. I love it. I love them all.

  17. perhaps you'd feel better with spaghetti and meatball?
    if you don't like it you can get the fuck outta here.

    and that's how your post made me feel. super-fucking-awesome. in case you didn't get it.

  18. So nice to know your men better. How did you start calling your human Shitler? I have to believe it wasn't on the swingset...

  19. OMG that Dick in the Box pic --- I die!! NICE!

  20. I love this post! Especially the baby pic of y'all - too cute!

  21. Fuck. I tried to push reply but it went to delete.. and then I continued on with the deletion.. so I will say it again...

    I saaaaaaaaaaaid..

    dick in a box. and "awe. how presh"

    gag me.

  22. You are so fucking awesome. The new design kicks total ass. I think it's much more you, and in that I mean much more "FUCK YOU!". Your sister in radness, ak xxooo

    1. LADY you never cease to flatter me.
      let's keep being rad.

  23. I love this design so much it's insane.
    Honestly, I just laughed so much I almost pooped. I can't wait to snuggle up with you and the dogs so we can watch Shitler shoot guns in his girl scout uniform. I am assuming that is what you do every night...
    And I have said it before but I will say it again, you baby fucks are adorable.

  24. I'm liking the naked look. You're hilarious - as always. I've been instagram stalking you and have to say I'm loving all the baby face photos. You'll have to forgive me I'm just a corny, sappy woman who loves a good love story. Baby face photos & you're still together = good love story.

  25. The dick in the box made me cry I laughed so bad!! lol Also I love the first pic of the dog in the hate! Too cute!

  26. Aww, what a cute post!

    Sparkles and Shoes
    Don't forget about the switch to BlogLovin!


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