Monday, July 1

so much general nonsense

ten points to you and i'll mail you snack packs if you guess what movie that came from.
clue: it's ben stiller's best work.  hands down.

i thought about calling in sick this morning because i'm a lazy piece of shit.
but then i remembered that it's a goddamn short work week and i managed to muster up the strength to, you know, do what's expected of me and go to my job.
these weekend recaps with sami feel foreign to me.  as my weekend is usually just a pile of shit.
but we're going to go ahead and give it a whirl.

so friday was the two year anniversary of my grandma dying.
is that considered an anniversary?  do anniversaries have to be un-depressed in order to qualify as an anniversary?  i'm going to go with no because i'm pretty sure there are plenty of unhappily married couples that begrudgingly hate-celebrate the date of their marital union.  
so yes it was the two year anniversary of my grandma's death. and of course my mom and her six brothers and sisters were a tad melancholy.  i mean - their mom was a really neat lady.

fun fact - a couple month's back it was my dead grandma's birthday so the whole family went out for pizza and then they brought out a birthday cake FOR MY DEAD GRANDMA.  
i had to refrain from commenting.  and i'm still confused.

a little throw back - shitler doing what he does best and harassing people.
BUT ANYWAY.  enough with depressing death-related things.
because out of the blue a friend stopped in at work, dropped off a stuffed animal, and instructed me to take pictures of it and post it all over the internet. 
so obviously i did.  because duh.

woke up and unknowingly made the worse mistake of my life.
i happened to see people on the twat talking about how old navy was having $1 flip flop day and in trying to be like slightly ahead of the wedding game decided to head to the hellish place that houses old navy in my neck of the woods (aka the mall) and pick a bunch up.
you know that scene in mean girls when all the girls start fighting?
that's almost exactly how it was.  except on a lesser scale.  and people weren't physically harming one another.
except people were INSANE.  as in death-gripping armfuls of $1 flip flops just scurrying around the store in spite of the old navy employee with the megaphone that kept yelling "LADIES - THERE IS A 5 LIMIT FLIP FLOP PER PERSON."  and then there was me that was on the verge of entering full-on melt down mode because it's like my worst nightmare.  i swear these were like crack flip flops the way these women were carrying on.
but don't worry kids - i got my five pair and then had the luxury of waiting in the half-hour line that snaked around the store in order to fucking check-out.  and all of this for a total of $5.25 and i'm officially never leaving the house again.

i did the unthinkable.  and decided to clean the house.
have you ever looked at your disaster area of a house and known that if you actually had kids that child protective services would have for sure taken them away in light of the state of emergency that is your home?  but then your house is also so very terribly awful that you can't help but just throw your hands up because you're exhausted just thinking about all the effort it's going to take to clean that shit hole that you live in?  oh - just me?  good.

so i did it.  i hate-cleaned like half the house.  because after i had shitler pull out the refrigerator and ended up having to get on my hands and knees and hack at some godawful stain with a butter knife i could no longer go on. 

this was me:
 photo tumblr_mp41nmsFq11ql5yr7o1_500_zps85ca7405.gif

except i just wanted wine.  of which i discovered that i was out of.
and then a part of me died.
because all that was left in the house was korbel and coke.
and upon drinking it i realized i was officially an eighty-year-old-man.

but whatever.  i managed to find my heart rate monitor which i possessed for less than two weeks before i thought i just promptly lost it.  so as much as i hate to admit that something positive was a result of the purge i will.  
oh and the lake.  i went out on the lake.  and shitler brought me wine.
and then it was like all was right in the world.

and lastly.
a video.  because shitler loves him the oldies.

post signature


  1. hell yeah! heavyweights WAS his best movie cause that's the only one I can tolerate him in!
    p.s. believe it or not your weekend was better than mine. wasn't even worth posting about.

  2. Sounds like an awesome weekend. my step mom bought cake/strawberries to celebrate her dead mom's birthday yesterday...

  3. omg yesssssss, heavy weights!! love that movie like a fat kid loves pun intended..okay maybe.

    and the joe dirt reference, love it!

    glad you finally found that heart rate monitor, you was freaking out.

  4. a cake for someone that is dead...?! that is a tad odd but different strokes for different folks. and cleaning. ugh i hate it so much.

  5. My mother has a birthday party for Elvis Presley every year. We get cake and she makes dinner. She is a freak!

  6. Ughhh I don't think anyone could convince me to battle the mob at Old Navy for some $1 flip flops! But I'm not exactly an expert in living frugally, either. Well, since you now have 5 pairs, feel free to send me one (or two. or three). K, thanks!

  7. I was just thinking about Heavyweights the other day! I read that the main kid Gerry grew up to be the doorman Vanya in Gossip Girl [after finding that out the "The More You Know" song played in my head].

    1. shut.up.
      i do feel smarter now. but also want salami.

  8. I waited on a birthday party once when i was working in the restaurant biz. the whole time i kept trying to figure out who the bday girl or boy was. when I finally asked the host they informed me it was a bday party for her dead father. that shit was awkward! not the idea of it, just the fact that no one decided to tell me! I think my boss was playing a mean prank by leaving that fact out.

  9. Old man with a heart monitor AND A CLEAN HOUSE, though! Okay, so that wouldn't be unusual for an old man, per se...but it is magical sparkly times for lazy twentysomethings, so yay you! We're all looking up to you, you just can't tell.

  10. I love how the dogs look squigged out by the red dude. Also: sad drinking face is awesome.

  11. I cleaned the house too. It was terrible. It is now a filthy mess all over again.

  12. my house is a fucking wreck. don't worry. it's even worse because i got a text today asking what i needed to help motivate me to do something about it. pathetic. my answer was champagne so that i can at least pretend to be a housewife for point five. no way in hell am i moving the fridge though.

  13. i just love how shitler is having a good time. he's happy with life! i love that!

    or maybe hes just happy to be drunk...


  14. That is such a great shitler video. I am totally with you on the hate cleaning thing. I did the exact same thing this weekend, somethings it is the only option.
    I also can't believe you went to that flip flop sale... you are insane and I am still worried for your health.


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